


Monochrome

by nymphori



Category: Romantica Clock
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 55,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5430953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nymphori/pseuds/nymphori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“When you find someone you love everything becomes colourful. What you see and what you hear, everything will be painted in colour.”</p><p>--or so Shin hears. </p><p>What does it matter though, the reason for the colours behind his eyes? He can see them enough to bake a smile onto Akane's face, to put happiness into her heart and that's all that matters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monochrome

 

 

 

 

 

Shin had been working the first time it happened. It had only been brief, a flash. He didn’t know what was happening at all. The inside of the bakery had swarmed, the walls were bright, the desserts shone in their cases, and outside the world looked like a dream. Just for a second, and then it was gone. Everything that Shin had looked at, day after day from this same spot in the store had changed so drastically, just for the briefest of moments.  
  
Shin had been in awe.  
  
He didn’t know what had caused it, although he later wished that he had thought to inquire about it. Instead he was besotted. Looking at the pastries his father had made where they lay in their cases - they had _changed_ \- and their trays. So unsuspecting now, but for just a moment they had seemed breathtaking.  
  
He continued to be in awe, the moment long passed, but his gaze was still fixed. Strawberry shortcake. Light sponge, with a deep grey icing in the centre and speckled fruit placed over it. Shin had seen this dessert so many times, nearly every day. He had never been so mesmerised by it as now. It had flashed, bright, shiny, not grey at all. The sponge still pale, but the icing and the fruit had been something wonderful.  
  
His father seemed to notice his gaze, and only after asking him to move several times while he served customers asked Shin what was wrong.  
  
He pointed a finger at the cake. “It changed.” He didn’t know what else to think about it. “It was like magic, and it was so pretty.” For the first time in a long while, he turned his gaze from the dessert where it sat. Meeting his fathers eyes. He hoped that in his own eyes he could get across the wonder and amazement that he just couldn’t find words for. “What happened to it? What happened to me? It was everything,” he threw out his arms, wanting to let his dad know that the whole of his world, for just that small moment, had been a part of the magic. “It was like _pow_ , and then it was gone.”  
  
His dad gazed at him in silence for a second. Shin waited for an explanation, arms still held out wide. Only bringing them back to his sides, as the bell chimed over the door. His dad chuckled, ruffled his hair and went back to work.  
  
When the customer left, Shin bidding them a good day before they exited, his father came back to him. “Go ask your mum, I need to make sure everyone here gets helped, and start the cake for the wedding at the weekend. Tell her what you told me.”  
  
Shin was given a brief shove towards the door to the preparation room. He knew a dismissal when he heard one; this wasn’t dismissal, his mum could tell him what had happened. Had it happened to her too? Was she the one who was magic and who had made it happen? Could she do it again? Could she teach Shin how to do it, so that his world could always be full of that wonder?  
  
Shin was twelve years old, and he learnt that colour was not just something made up for fairy tales.  
  
He started taking notes.  
  
It annoyed his dad, he could tell on days when the bakery was busy that his notes got in the way. Most of the time though, it was fine. Early in the mornings, once everything had been prepared and put out ready for the day he would ask his dad questions, write notes, and stick them up over everything. His mum cared less when she took over for a few hours every day so that his dad could take a break. His mum learned to stop looking for the labels of what the desserts were on their side of the counter. Learned where everything was kept, and how to know what was what based on Shin’s note.  
  
  __Red : strawberries                                                                                         _  
_ Cream cake:                                                                                                     _  
_The cream is white                                                                             _  
_The cake is cream coloured which is not white  
__  
  
By the time Shin was thirteen, and nearing the end of his first year of junior high, the display cases had been smothered. Covered in his notes, and then additions. Books he had found on colours. Badgering his parents to know which was the best word to use. His parents had indulged him, they had gotten used to his notes, and become more interested in _his_ interest on how it affected their cakes. His older brothers were interested in nothing but eating the cakes. Shin wanted to make them and colour them, have them look as good as he had remembered from that one fateful moment.  
  
He liked his notes, they were reminders. He looked to them whenever he had a flash. It had happened twice since he had started junior high. The first time he had seen the colours again since finding out what it was he had been in the shop again. Stuck staring at the display. In awe of how different that flash could make them look. Tastier, more delicious, far better than they looked normally.  
  
The colours ebbed away and he wrote more notes, adding onto the dessert which wasn’t a regular, but that had been caught in his eyes that moment. Topped with a flower that smelled nice. Smelled calming. The colour of the flower had been dark, but beneath it, the icing on the cake had been lighter, softer. Shin had been able to tell how they were related to each other. He asked his mum again. and the note went up at the back of the tray.  
  
                                   _Lavender._  
                                   _A type of purple._  
                                   _The flower is called lavender._  
                                   _The colour is named after the flower._  
                                   _The scent is used for aromatherapy - calming, relaxing._  
  
The next time that it had happened, he had been serving. Shin had stopped immediately, mid sentence, to read his notes. Bending down, reading a few quickly and putting the colour to the dessert and the name. _Lavender_ , he remembered. _Lilac_. _Peach_. _Pink_. _Cream_. _Brown_. _Caramel_. _Chocolate_. _Vanilla_. _Golden_. _Silver_. _Yellow_.  
  
He couldn’t see the colours anymore, but he could remember them in his head. He kept repeating the ones he had had time to pair up with the word. One day, he hoped they would last longer. He would be able to know the colour without needing to look at notes. He would learn them all by heart to pair up.  
  
One day.  
  
He had forgotten all about the customer. His dad scolded him, coming to place a tray of freshly baked cookies in the display. Shin seated on the floor and peering over his notes and the desserts on display. His dad had needed to apologise to the customer, who Shin was _mostly_ surprised to learn had waited there _the entire time_ , and not simply left. They received free cookies for their children, and left in a better mood than one would expect for being halfway through an order and then left to wait for a short while for it to continue.  
  
Maybe they had been able to guess what Shin was going through, maybe it had just been Shin’s lucky day. If the customer had left unhappy, Shin would have been in trouble.  
  
In Shin’s second year of junior high he was rewarded with flashes more often. Some quick, some lingering. He made more notes and asked more questions, as much as he could. It tended to happen while he was at school, not when he was at home and had notes and his parents answers at the ready.  
  
In the fall, Shin found himself on the phone at the back of the gym. He didn’t know what had started it, but the colours had remained for the longest time yet. It was hard to keep himself focused on morning classes when he was suddenly assaulted with a new view of his classroom. Posters on the wall were brighter, filled with colour. They were solid colours, and he knew their names: green, red, yellow, blue, orange. They were solid, but they were not the soft colours of the bakery. He preferred those.  
  
He preferred the colours he could see now. A rich red, a burnt orange, a deep brown, soft green. The heavy grey of the sky was the only thing not new to him. He sat outside for the entirety of his lunch break, wishing he was home. Wishing for answers, for names of the exact hues, to know if it was possible to create these colours on their food. To bring these colours to life and consume them and make them a part of him.  
  
It happened again the first day of his final year. Colours blooming across his vision starting from the entrance ceremony. His world this time was filled with pink. Pink trees, pink air, pink grass. Petals on the trees, falling through the air, and collecting on the ground all around him. It was breathtaking, and it was mesmerising, and Shin hoped he could see this all the time from now on. Spring, he was told. This was the colour of spring, this colour, everywhere for the few shorts week in which the cherry blossoms bloomed.  
  
There was something different this time though. In the classroom, someone new. A transfer student causing all kinds of commotion. Shin heard new things, things he didn’t understand, things he would have to sit on, run through his mind until he could get home. He satisfied himself with looking at the new room. This room would become normal now, the room with it’s reds and blues and greens and yellows. This would be the normal, and anytime when he didn’t have these eyes, that would become the strange room now.  
  
_Soulmate_. A new word to think over for all of the hours his was stuck at school.  
  
It was the first thing he asked when he got back home. “Dad, what is a soulmate, and what does it have to do with the colours?”  
  
He didn’t even care about the three other people in the shop. All of which turned to him at his question shouted across the shop. He hadn’t even gone to use their front door, which would have brought him through the back of the shop. Instead, entering through the bakery in his haste to have his questions answered.  
  
“Oh my, Shin-chan is growing up isn’t he.” One of their customers gushed. Asakura-san. Shin had known her his whole life. They had a raspberry bush at home that produced far more than her home could ever eat alone; she often brought the extras in for Shin’s father to make something of.  
  
He wasn’t given an answer. All day sitting with the word in his thoughts. Trying to piece together all the stories he had read when he was younger. He had read about this before, he was sure, but long ago, his entire being having become so fascinated with the hues he could occasionally see, that he had never even thought about the cause of it all.  
  
He had to wait until the store had closed for the day before any of his questions could be answered. The sun had gone down, and somewhere along the way Shin’s world had faded back to it’s regular monochromy. He was wiping down the display case when his father spoke. As he listened, Shin realised that there was far more fairy tale in the story than he had been expecting. He had originally thought that these colours were one of the better parts of puberty, something nice to come along with all the other awkwardness that came with growing into an adult.  
  
All of his fourteen years of life he had written off fairy tales, stopped reading them long ago in order to live a real life. He had been wrong, so wrong. Living out a fairy tale in his own life. The entire world living a fairy tale. Were they always passed along in picture books for children, so that they could look at the world one day and be reminded of that childhood innocence and have magic brought back to them in the horror of everyday life?  
  
“Can you see the colours now?” His dad asked.  
  
“No, it’s just normal.” He held back a sigh at the words, but it was expressed anyway. He wished they didn’t have to leave him. He could be grateful that today they had remained as long as they had, but Shin longed for a time when they would stay.  
  
“You’re not the only one who sees the world that way Shin-chan.” Shin couldn’t help himself from grimacing at the honorific. “Everybody starts out that way these days.”  
  
“These days?” Shin questioned. “It wasn’t always like this?”  
  
“Nobody really knows…” Shin felt something sink within himself. He knew his parents couldn’t possibly know everything. Yet, so far they had been able to answer all of his questions with ease. It was humbling to hear the hesitance in what was being said to him now. “Legend has it that once everyone was able to see the colours, but that over the course of several generations the ability was lost.”  
  
“Why would that happen?”  
  
His dad only shrugged. Shin would have to search harder for his answers this time. “I think it has something to do with the birth rate. Humans were going to go extinct, so the gods devised this way of bringing people together.”  
  
Shin had stopped cleaning, though he would have more to do later. Sat with his head in his hands and leaning on the glass display case to listen. It sounded like a bedtime story, albeit, a bedtime story with a lot more shrugs than one usually got.  
  
“It takes a lot to bring another person into the world. It’s an easy enough act, but it takes a lot for a person to want to actually do it. Bonding with someone though, finding someone with who you can have the deepest connection with helps. Someone you can trust, someone who will understand you on a spiritual level. Someone in the world who will make an impact on your life, someone perfect to balance you out. It helps with allowing someone to feel responsible. To feel like they can live their life, and give life, and bring in new life.”  
  
His dad was leaning over the display case too now. Eyes drifting towards the ceiling, as he talked. Shin was enraptured. It was much stronger than the fairy tales he remembered. Not _one true love_ , not the prince marrying the serving girl - but a way to ensure that humanity didn’t die out.  
  
“If you have those people in your life, suddenly the world doesn’t seem so scary to face. You’re not on your own and that makes challenges easier to face.”  
  
Shin went to bed that night, still not quite understanding it, but understood it enough to settle the thoughts that had been in his head throughout the day. He liked that the colours seemed to bring people together, to make their lives better. It was what he strived for, what he wanted to make out of his life. He wanted to make peoples lives better. He wanted to bake and create, and have that bring a smile to peoples faces. If he could make peoples days just a little better this way, it was all he could ask for. It was all he wanted.

 

 

糖

 

 

It was nearing winter break in Shin’s final year of junior high when they walked into the shop. He heard them long before he ever saw them, he heard _her_.  
  
“It looks yummy!!”  
  
She called from outside the shop, and when they walked in, Shin knew who they were: the Kajiya twins. They were infamous at his school, despite being a grade below him Shin had heard many a tale about them. Enough to recognise their presence in the shop instantly.  
  
“Welcome— Whoa, the Kajiya twins!!”  
  
He probably shouldn’t have acknowledged that he knew them out loud, they would have no idea of who he was, seeing as Shin had never actually met them. It was silly, he had only ever heard rumours about them at school, certainly not enough to go calling out their name before they were introduced.  
  
“Ah, I’m sorry.” He found himself apologising. Covering up his mouth afterwards so that any further stray thoughts wouldn’t get the idea to come racing out of his mouth before he could think better of it.  
  
“You know us?” The girl responded. “Does that mean we can get it for free?” She was bright eyes and a bright smile while she spoke. Her brother tapped her roughly on the back of her head at her words, christmas coloured beanie slipping down her head slightly at the action.  
  
“I go to the same school as you, that’s how I know about you.” Shin’s hand moved from his mouth to play with the hair behind his ear as he spoke’ a nervous gesture which he hoped they wouldn’t pick up on. “This is my parents shop, I’m usually the salesperson.”  
  
“Oh!” Her face was bright again, having recovered from the hit to her head.  
  
“Oh, I’m Kiritani Shin.” Considering that he had called out their names earlier, he really should have introduced himself sooner.  
  
“I’m Akane.” She chirped. Big smile on her face, her eyes seemed to be sparkling.  
  
“I’m Aoi.” Her brother followed up, quieter than Akane, more reserved.  
  
“Nice to meet you.” This was nice, this at least made Shin feel better about calling out their names earlier. Now, if they so wished, they could shout his name across the shop. Unlikely. “Is there anything I can help you with?” He asked, hoping to get the first few seconds of their encounter out of his head. Get to the reason they had come to his shop in the first place.  
  
“We’re looking for something for our christmas party.” Akane was the one to reply.  
  
“A christmas cake then?”  
  
“Yes, christmas cake! But I can’t decide which delicious cake to get.” Akane’s eyes went down to the display case. Eyes sparkling and cheeks flushing with what Shin assumed was excitement. Shin didn’t have the heart to tell her that christmas cake was a type of cake in itself, it didn’t seem to be what she was after. Instead it seemed more like they wanted a cake for their christmas party, and not necessarily christmas cake itself.  
  
“You’re drooling.” Her brother admonished her.  
  
Shin looked down the other side of the display to find that Akane was in fact drooling over the desserts on display. What a sight, he didn’t think he’d ever seen a person drool outside of manga, yet here she was. Instead of finding himself disgusted at the sight, Shin found himself feeling giddy at the thought of her drooling over his fathers creations.  
  
“You like cakes?” He could hear the smile in his own voice, as much as he tried to keep it off of his face. He didn’t want Akane to think that he was teasing her for drooling, drooling just from _looking_ at the cakes.  
  
“I love them!” Her voice was loud, sure. Eyes bright and gleaming in the light.  
  
Shin was entranced, and before he could even stop it his mouth was spilling words he hadn’t even had the time to think through. “My hobby is baking, if you don’t mind you could try some?”  
  
If they were people that he knew, sort of, his dad couldn’t get angry at him for offering them his own baking. Shin wasn’t allowed to sell his own cakes. Had been forbidden from offering them to even the customers that had known him since he was little until he had at least started high school. If he could say that he had given them to friends from school though, that would be fine.  
  
“Yes! _Itadakimasu_!!” There was barely a second in between Shin’s offering and Akane shouting her answer at him. Eyes sparkling with excitement, it was quite a sight. He hadn’t expected such a reaction, he was sure that he had never seen anyone so excited to eat cakes. Definitely never for _his_ desserts.  
  
Aoi heaved a sigh next to her. “I’m sorry, she has no restraint.”  
  
Shin had only smiled in return. He wasn’t allowed to offer people his cakes, but how could he get better without feedback from people who weren’t in his family? He was happy that someone was excited to try something that he had made - even if all it was only excitement at free food.  
  
He left the counter and headed for the prep room. “Take a seat at the table, I’ll bring some things out for you.”  
  
He often made small cakes, desserts, treats. After school; before school if he got up early enough. Made things so that creating these things would be burnt into his bones. So that Shin could figure out if he did love it enough to do every day. It would be too late half way through high school, or years into working professionally, to decide that baking every day was not actually what he wanted to do. So far he enjoyed every second of it. Weighing, mixing, watching it all come together. It had been something his dad suggested, and now it had a functional use as well. To serve to these people, to see what they thought of his own baking.  
  
Shin laid out a selection of the cakes he had prepared, some he had made today, and some had been sitting in the fridge for a few days, waiting until someone in his family was peckish enough for something extra to eat. He hoped they were still good, he hoped that they were all good.  
  
He cut up fresh fruit to garnish the cakes, and then carried them all out to the seated area of the shop.  
  
“Wow!” Akane exclaimed, awe evident in the pitch of her voice. Shin laughed, visualising sparkles around her face in her excitement. “This… You…!?” She was drooling over one of the pieces, it was decorated to look like a wrapped gift. Shin could only wonder why she was so excited by looking at the tray, she hadn’t even tried any yet and she was drooling, still. Her brother was sitting alongside her quietly.  
  
“It’s no match for what’s on sale, but…” Shin dragged his sentence off, gesturing to the plates laid out on the table, indicating that they could help themselves to it.  
  
“Are you really okay with this?” Aoi asked him. “I mean…” he waved at his sister, “eating like this idiot here.”  
  
“Feel free to help yourself.” He directed these words to Aoi, Akane was already in the middle of doing exactly that. She already had the first bite halfway to her mouth, her eyes had lost their sparkling excitement but instead had settled into something more intense.  
  
Shin watched her carefully as she placed the food into her mouth, more delicately than what he had been expecting. He waited as she chewed and then swallowed, nervous for the verdict.  
  
“It’s yummy!” Akane declared after only that first mouthful, rushing forth to devour two more with much less delicacy. She had a big smile on her face, and a smudge of red icing on her cheek. Shin felt his own cheeks warm, to what was likely the same colour. Nobody had ever reacted to his food like that, his family only offering the regular thanks whenever he presented them with something to eat.  
  
The excitement over his food was nice. It was welcome. Shin wanted more of it.  
  
“Here, try this one too!” He pointed out another cake on the table, trying to keep his face in line. Shin was delighted when Akane cheered again at the new cake. He watched her reactions again with each new piece that she tried. When she had already had a little bit of each of the cakes he had brought out, Shin assured her that she could finish off any of the cakes she wanted. Especially if she was enjoying them.  
  
It was only then that Shin noticed that Aoi had yet to have any of the cake, and had instead just been watching them quietly the whole time.  
  
Akane ended up eating all of the cakes. Shin was impressed, and giddy. _There had been six of them_ , it wouldn’t have been strange to leave behind the ones she enjoyed least with that amount of food, but Akane had consumed all of them.  
  
When they had finished eating, Shin cleared the table and carried the plates into the prep room ready to wash later, listening to Akane chatter excitedly to Aoi as he moved.  
  
He came back to the shop front, and stood behind the register. Aoi then asked about the christmas cake - the reason they had come in the first place - which Shin had completely forgotten about. So had Akane it seemed.  
  
“Wah! I forgot!” She cried out, dragging her down down her face dramatically. “Which one do I choose? They all tasted really good!”  
  
Shin could feel the heat creeping back into his cheeks. “Thank you.” He really was in awe of how honest Akane seemed when praising his food. It wasn’t just polite thanks, her entire demeanour screamed out how much she meant what she said, how much she had enjoyed the cakes. “You can’t have those cakes though, I don’t bake for customers yet, but you can still look at the others.” He handed over the usual cake book, sporting pictures of desserts his dad had made before.  
  
In the end it was Aoi who decided on what to get, Akane just exclaiming over each picture and description and not being of much help at all in choosing something. Shin had found it amusing.  
  
“Delivery for the twenty-fourth.” Shin repeated to them, waiting for them to agree before filling in the order card for the cake, passing it over for them to write their address in for delivery.  
  
With the paperwork completed, they turned to leave, pausing in their crossing of the shop. “Please make a chocolate cake next time!” Akane cheered.  
  
“Thanks for the favour.” Aoi said, bowing his head. His hand came up to slap Akane’s head into a bow as well. Shin had a smile on his face, they didn’t need to say thank you, the real favour had been for him. With that they left.  
  
Shin carefully put the order for their cake in with the other christmas orders, and then went back to wash the plates up that had been used earlier.  
  
When everything was cleaned, and the table that they had been sitting at earlier wiped down, Shin cast a gaze over the shop. Nobody had come in since the two of them had been in. There was still time before his dad came back down and they readied for the after work rush of people heading home with fresh desserts. Still, Shin had been inspired by a big smile and gleaming eyes.  
  
He moved to the prep room, set the oven up to preheat, and collected his ingredients. He mixed up a simple cake, he wanted to focus on decorating. While it baked in the oven, he pulled out mixing bowls, icing sugar, and food colouring. His motivation waned, he still wasn’t the best at mixing colours, what with the barrier of not knowing how long he would be able to see them. He wanted to know how to get the colour right, how the exact colours should be mixed.  
  
Gleaming eyes and the flash of a smile.  
  
How was he meant to find the colour of her eyes? Eyes shining with the joy of something that Shin had made, joy that Shin had given her with his cakes.  
  
Shin thought her eyes were brown. Like chocolate, but creamier. Like hazelnuts, when ground into a paste. Yet he couldn’t help but think that there was also green. Just a hint of green, like the flash of a light. There, but not really. Only when they shone. How was he meant to capture that?  
  
The cake was cooling on the bench top, and he had a sheet of icing ready to go on when it was ready. Golden, the way her hair would shine in the sun. He was still working on her eyes. He had done his best to get the three colours he remembered best. Yet he still couldn’t figure out how they went together. How they blended to get that sparkle she had shown while she was eating. Eating his cakes. Eating his cakes the way nobody ever had before. Enjoying them, loving them. Only Shin had given his cakes love before, pouring it into them every single time he made them. Pouring love into them to create and build them, this was the first time they had been loved while being eaten and devoured.  
  
How did her eyes work?  
  
His father found him there: a cake iced with the golden sun and three bowls of icing still in front of him.  
  
“What are you up to Shin?” He asked, assessing the bowls of icing on the bench.  
  
“I can’t figure out how to put them together.”  
  
His dad only hummed in reply, so Shin continued.  
  
“These three,” he pointed to the three bowls in front of him. “I saw it today, they go together and they are bright, and they shine, and I can put these two together fine.” He pushed the two brown ices together. “But then I just can’t figure out where the green goes.” He couldn’t help but to pull a face at the bowl. Why was it so difficult?  
  
Another try. Mixing creamy chocolate, and the paler hazelnut icing together.  
  
“I know that this colour goes at the top, and I can blend in here to get this.” He mixed as he spoke, talking partly to his dad, but mostly to the icing, hoping this time it would cooperate with him. “The hazelnut is at the bottom, but there’s green too. I can’t figure out where the green goes.”  
  
His voice cracked, desperate. He hadn’t thought it would be this hard. Her eyes, the colour had seemed so natural, so wide and innocent and shining. He didn’t think the colour would have been this difficult to recreate.  
  
His dad joined him, pulling up another mixing bowl as he did. Mixing chocolate and hazelnut together. Brown. Brown. Brown. He added in a drop of the green colouring.  
  
“Stop, stop, stop!” He pulled the bowl out from in front of his dad. “You can’t just put that in, it’s not the right green. Here!” Shin handed over the blue and yellow dyes to his father. “That green doesn’t work, you have to mix it up or it’s not right.”  
  
His dad made no move for the colours, so Shin took them himself. Carefully allowing the colours to drip out into the bowl. Once the bowl was mixed up he spoke again.  
  
“Now, I’m trying to add the green in here, but I think it’s hidden.”  
  
“Hidden?” If he hadn’t been so distracted, Shin might have heard the extra note behind the word.  
  
“Yes, like it’s there, but not all the time. It’s hidden.”  
  
“So you want it underneath so that you only see it once it’s been cut into?”  
  
“No, no, no.” Shin waved his dad away from where he had been observing the bowls again. “You can only see it when she smiles.”  
  
Shin missed the smile that his dad shot his way at the words. Only focusing on him moving to the front of the shop. This cake would have to wait, it was time to go and help with their evening customers now.

 

 

糖

 

 

In the week leading up to christmas the bakery got very busy. Shin and his older brothers were tasked with working the front of the store anytime that they were out of school. Starting from six in the morning, after the first batch of food for the day had gone out to the display, going through until the evening when the after work rush had died down. Whenever Shin and his brothers were able to work, their dad moved swiftly to the prep room, working away at all of their orders, as well as making sure their day to day goods were ready.  
  
Shin was acutely aware that one of the orders his dad was making was the Kajiya order. Every time he had this thought, he was reminded of chocolate cake. She had asked him to make a chocolate cake next time. She had asked _Shin specifically_ to make a chocolate cake next time.  
  
She had bombarded his thoughts ever since. Barging in at the thought of chocolate, seeing the desserts in their display, and in the way that the younger kids beamed at the desserts when their parents brought them in. He was reminded of her when he opened the cold store, to see the cake he hadn’t got to finish icing before the colours disappeared, never having come close to figuring out how he had wanted to colour it.  
  
When the morning of the twenty-fourth dawned in cold and frosty, Shin made a decision. He wasn’t just going to think about Akane, about when she might come in again, about when he would need to have a chocolate cake on standby. What if someone else ate it? What if she came in days after he made it and it wasn’t good enough for her anymore? He decided not to worry about it anymore, Shin was going to make Akane her chocolate cake for christmas. He had already bartered with his brothers, their shops usual delivery method, on getting to deliver the Kajiya’s cake to their house. Even talking down his mum, who had thought about taking the car out for deliveries given the number that they had this year.  
  
His dad had been quick to back Shin up, with an _of course Shin-chan_ and a wink. His dad was teasing him, that’s what _Shin-chan_ always meant. His mum had at least let him have his way after that though.  
  
He had only ever made a couple of chocolate cakes before. His oldest brother adored chocolate, and was quick to demolish any attempt of them, sometimes before they even made it to the oven. Many of Shin’s previous baking expeditions had largely focused on pairing the dessert with cream, working with fruits that were in season, or just plain cakes so he could work on his decorating.  
  
Would Akane prefer a rich chocolate cake, or something lighter and fluffier? Shin had to think about the cakes that she had been eating the other day, they had all been light cakes. So maybe a heavier cake wouldn’t be a problem, that way it would fill her up even without five other cakes to go with it. Akane also didn’t seem the type of person to dislike eating the whole thing because one could taste exactly how much chocolate had been added. Aoi had seemed more appalled at the amount that Akane had eaten the other day rather than Akane being worried about it.  
  
He decided on a chocolate truffle cake. It was only something small, but if it was also going to be eaten along with the cake that they had ordered, it shouldn’t be a problem.  
  
Shin needed to make sure that he was allowed to use ingredients, and by the time he had what he needed it was past seven, and the shop was open for business. He checked in with his dad, to say that he was going to start baking, waving to the few customers already in and starting their day. The only ingredient change he had needed to make was switching milk chocolate for dark chocolate - he hoped it wouldn’t be too big of a problem. Akane seemed to have a sweet tooth so hopefully he could make it work.  
  
First, he made the chocolate cake, sifting cocoa flour and sugar together with a practised ease. Once it was in the oven, Shin started working on the chocolate ganache. He poured cream out into a pot and set in on the stove. With the cream heating up, he set about breaking up the chocolate into smaller pieces and dropping them into a bowl. When the cream was hot enough, Shin took it from the stove and poured it over the chocolate pieces. He was stirring the melting chocolate into the hot cream when the oven timer went off. The cake had finished.  
  
He turned the oven off, it was half past seven now.  
  
“Morning Shin-chan, what are you making?”  
  
The voice shocked him, a look over his shoulder told him that his mum was now up and getting ready for her own busy day of deliveries as well.  
  
“A chocolate truffle cake.”  
  
“Ah.” She cast a look over the bench top, her eyes lingering for a moment on the ganache, before going back to the cake. Her eyes flicked back to the ganache once more before looking back to Shin. “What are you going to use for decoration?”  
  
Shin scrunched his face up, he hadn't thought much about it for this cake. The only requirement was chocolate. “I was thinking of hollowing the cake to use the ganache as a filling?” He couldn’t help but make it sound like a question as he spoke, as if he was looking for assurance that it was a good idea. “Then sit the centre of the cake on top with icing.” He acted out his plans as he spoke, miming himself fulfilling the words. “Then I was thinking of whipping the ganache to put on as a topping.” That part he was more sure of. Decorating was something he practiced a lot more than trying to artfully arrange the cakes themselves.  
  
For the cake, his priority still lay in getting the taste to be perfect.  
  
Shin stirred at the ganache on the bench. The chocolate had become softer now, dark chocolate seeping out to blend with the cream. He moved to collect some butter, and chopped off a few slivers to add to the mixture.  
  
“Have you thought about making a design for the top? I heard that this is for a friend of yours?”  
  
Shin didn't know how his mum could possibly know that. He hadn’t told anyone that he was making the cake for someone, except for his dad to check that the ingredients he wanted to use weren’t needed for anything else. Even then, Shin hadn’t told his dad that he was making the cake _for_ someone - he regularly made cakes just for the sake of making them and to practice, not necessarily for anyone.  
  
His confusion must have shown on his face.  
  
“Mothers have a way of knowing these things Shin-chan.”  
  
He focused on stirring the ganache mixture so that he would not have to look at his mum. Shin was sure that she would have a smug look on her face, and he didn’t need to give her any more reason to tease him. He already got enough of that just with being the baby of the family, and the shortest member of the family at that. Shin had heard that his brothers were both taller than his mum when they were his age, he still wasn’t. The only consolation was that he had been the first to see the colours.  
  
He gave in. He set the bowl away from him on the bench and turned to face his mum.  
  
“Akane-chan told me that she wanted me to make her a chocolate cake. So I’m going to give her this when I deliver the cake they ordered.”  
  
“For christmas?”  
  
“It is christmas.” Shin said, his cheeks starting to heat up for no reason at all. This was just a fact.  
  
“So, Shin-chan. You’re going to give her the cake for christmas?”  
  
“I told you, I’m just going to take it with the cake they ordered.”  
  
“Which you specifically asked to deliver.”  
  
A statement, he didn’t need to reply.  
  
“Because Akane-chan told me that she wanted a chocolate cake next time.” Why had his mouth been betraying him so much lately, words spewing from his mouth before he could think them over? “This is next time, but her brother didn’t order a chocolate cake, so I made this to go with it, and it’s not on the delivery forms. So…“  
  
—so where had he been going with this? He had started to ramble, he only needed to say why he was delivering it. He was delivering it instead of his mum because—  
  
“…it might have been left behind if it went out with all of the other deliveries.”  
  
“Of course Shin-chan.” He knew that tone of voice, What he said hadn’t been convincing at all. “But you know Shin-chan, you should use some of the ganache to decorate too.”  
  
“I am,” hadn’t he said this already? “I’m going to whip it for the top.”  
  
“Have you thought about something a little bit fancier though?” A glance at Shin’s blank face was all the answer she needed before continuing. “Is there any more chocolate?” Shin knew that she wasn’t waiting for an answer, she had already moved to open up the store cupboard and sift through it. “See you can do this,” she took just one square of chocolate to quickly melt and transferred it to a small piping bag. “Watch.”  
  
Watch he did.  
  
She didn’t do anything fancy, yet he understood what she meant now. On a piece of baking paper - and Shin honestly didn’t know when she had put some down - his mum was drawing small designs with the melted chocolate. First some swirls, a heart, a crude flower, and partway through something a little more intricate the piping bag spurted out only a few bubbles, empty. “See, nothing too difficult, just, something to add to the top.”  
  
He hummed in reply. “I could do that.”  
  
“I’ll leave you to it then, good luck Shin-chan.” She placed a kiss on his forehead and then left through the door to the front of the shop. Shin could hear her conversing with his dad already.  
  
“Time to get to work.” He said to himself, readying himself to put the cake together. His mum hadn’t complained about anything else he had said about putting it together, so that was the way to go. He really did hope that Akane would like it.  
  
First things first, Shin carefully set about cutting out the centre of the cake. When that was done, he went to find some decorative card to set the base on. He found what he thought looked like one of their christmas bases, and took it to the bench. He then went about setting the base of the cake down in the exact centre of the card, everything needed to be perfect. He used a small spoon to scoop a small portion of the ganache into the centre of the base, coating it along the card, connecting it to the cake, bonding it.  
  
It was all a work of art now.  
  
He left it to harden for a few seconds, while he went to collect some cocoa and icing sugar to make up the icing. When it was set, he spooned some more ganache in, filling up the centre of the cake perfectly. Shin made sure that the ganache was level with the top of the cake, he didn’t want to set the centre back on top at an awkward angle.  
  
All went well. The cake sat flat, and he made up the chocolate icing to smooth over the cake. He set some more pieces of dark chocolate to melt, and started whipping the rest of the ganache. He hoped that Akane liked her chocolate cakes to be dripping in chocolate. It was more chocolate than cake at this point. He folded the whipping ganache into a large piping bag, delivering it in a large swirl to set on top of his work so far. Taking the now melted chocolate, he dotted around the centre of the cake, and used the leftovers to create an extravagant swirl on the paper his mum had used earlier.  
  
When it set, he carefully placed it into the ganache. He looked at his work for a moment before carefully folding it into a box.  
  
It was done.

 

 

糖

 

 

He was panting, shoulders heaving and lungs gasping for air. That was so embarrassing. Even worse, he had just run away. They would have seen the note, everyone was going to know - whoever everyone was. If only Shin could have been braver, instead of just loitering outside, too embarrassed to even knock and go in. It wasn’t even like it was a random visit. They were expecting the cake to be dropped off. There had really been no reason for him to be so self conscious.  
  
Too late now.  
  
The note had been small, just a note of appreciation. Appreciation for her, for Akane. A note of Shin appreciating Akane.  
  
                                   _I like you_  
                                        _\- Shin_  
  
Yet the addition of the note, at the last minute, not really even planned, just like a greeting card but more. More important. All because his father had looked at him, just looked at him as he was leaving. Raising an eyebrow, acknowledging the second, smaller box that Shin had carried in his hands.  
  
That had been all it took. Shin had been taken back to think of all the time that he had thought about Akane since she had come in, talked about Akane when she came in. Making cakes with the thought that maybe, just maybe, once again she would come in to the store, and happily eat his desserts. Unknowingly making the most out of Shin’s day with her bright eyes and shining smile.  
  
His dad had been the only one who knew about Akane, even if he hadn’t said much. Just that he had given his cakes to a friend from school and that they had enjoyed it.  
  
That was nothing of what had actually happened, of the thoughts that had been running rampant in his mind, plagued him after she had left the shop that day. _How do your eyes work like that? How are they coloured, how can I make that colour? Why do your eyes get brighter when you smile?_ He couldn’t stop thinking. _Do my cakes make you happy? You looked so happy, your smile brightened the room when you ate, and that you were eating my cakes and looking that happy while doing so made me happy._  
  
_Also could you please keep eating my cakes and maybe we could both be happy together?_  
  
He hadn’t written that on the card. That might have scared her, one meeting and Shin hadn’t been able to get her out of his head. All the stories of the infamous Kajiya’s and yet nothing had prepared him for meeting them both in his shop. For meeting Akane in his shop. For what would happen when he offered for them to try his food. It was more than he had ever expected.  
  
Was this what they talked about in manga and movies, when you saw someone and suddenly it felt like the whole world had changed. Too much, too quickly, too much of her in his head after only one afternoon of knowing her.  
  
Just _I like you_ , written on a card, simple.  
  
Except that hadn’t been enough for his heart, it had been too much for his heart. Just that tiny phrase had made him freeze up at the gate. Stopped next to the nameplate that read _Kajiya_. Shin wasn’t even aware of how long he had been stood there. It had to have been at least five minutes, maybe even an hour. Just stood at the front gate, counting out his rapid heart beat and occasionally leaning up to peer in through the window, checking if he would see anyone. He knew there were people home, he could hear them. If he pretended he couldn’t though, he could pretend that it was fine that he had been stood out here for so long.  
  
Except then they had come, Aoi with a girl that Shin did not know. They had come and they had seen him. Seen him leaning over the gate to look at the house, and it was all so embarrassing.  
  
He had freaked out.  
  
He had pointed out that he was there to deliver the cake, and he might have been invited in, but he also might have been asked _who are you_? That had been worse, did Aoi not remember who he was? That was even more embarrassing.  
  
At some point he had definitely mentioned that he also made Akane a cake, the chocolate one that she had wanted. Shin had just pushed it towards Aoi, and then ran. He had just needed to run. _Oh_ , that had been so embarrassing, but at least it was done now.  
  
He could catch his breath before he went back into the shop and pretended that he was fine and that his insides weren’t squirming uncomfortably at what an absolute mess that delivery had been. It was done. Hopefully Akane enjoyed the chocolate cake.

 

 

糖

 

 

He had not really expected to see Akane again until school started back up again. Where he would go back to hearing about her in the halls, and possibly, if he was lucky, running into her. He would have to be really lucky seeing as he was sure that if it was going to happen, it would have already. Instead, Shin was pleasantly surprised on new years, when after serving a customer, colour had flashed into his vision, he had cast his eyes around the shop, his favourite thing to do whenever it occurred, revealing in the decorations his parents had put up for the holiday, and the special desserts to go along with it. Taking in the world around him as it was meant to be seen.  
  
What he had found while looking around, had been Akane, her head poking out from the bushes that lined the front of the shop. She was clearly dressed up for the shrine visit, wearing _kimono_ and _haori_ , her hair done up in two buns at the top of her head, with a red ribbon tied around one.  
  
So what was she doing here?  
  
After what looked like checking to see if the shop was empty, she ran in with an exclamation of “Shin-chan!” Her eyes lighting up in that way he couldn’t understand, smile already making itself known, big and wide, on her face.  
  
He couldn’t help but to let out a shocked “Akane-chan!” shouted across the store in return. “Ah, I used your first name.” He said afterwards, shock taking over his whole body. Why had he done that?  
  
“It’s okay, Akane is fine!” The relief swept the shock from his body immediately. She was still as bright as ever, and honestly didn’t seem to care abut the use of her name. Even better, Shin now had permission to use it. She was so carefree, which made him think to look for her brother, surely they would be out together for the new year.  
  
“You came alone?”  
  
“Mhm.” She confirmed. “Look here.” Akane held her hands up to her face, and produced an envelope from what Shin could only assume was an inner pocket. That was _otoshidama_. “Tada!” Akane waved it around it front of her face, Shin wasn’t really sure what to do. Was she offering it to him?  
  
“Isn’t that yours?”  
  
She smiled back at him, positively beaming. “To repay you for that free cake!”  
  
Shin paused, he could feel his cheeks starting to heat up. The shock of her arrival had made him forget all about the disaster of him delivering the cake to Akane on christmas. At least this meant that she had gotten the cake. Had she like the cake? Was she here expecting more cake? Shin didn’t have anything in stock, his brothers had taken out all the desserts with their friends to visit the shrine and not have to buy lots of food.  
  
“Today we have macarons.” He had spoken the only thing he really could, macarons were their special for the day. It was the only thing he could really offer her, even though he hadn’t made them.  
  
Akane cocked her head to the side, it was unexpected. “Hm? I’ve never had those.”  
  
“Women especially love these.” It was his sales pitch, but he wasn’t sure that particularly applied to Akane. Women liked them because they were light, a snack not to feel guilty about.  
  
They were the stores, he hadn’t made them, but he was still sure that Akane would like them. They had many different varieties, with different flavoured portions of the biscuits and filling. Some filled with cream, and others even having chocolate drizzled over them.  
  
Shin handed Akane a pink one, strawberry.  
  
She was quiet while she ate, then came what he had been waiting for. Akane’s eyes lit up, green flashing in amongst the brown. A smile brightening all of her features. “It’s good!” Shin smiled. He loved that reaction to the bakeries food, people were usually more reserved. He liked how open Akane was in expressing her enjoyment.  
  
He wanted to know if she had enjoyed the cake that he had made, especially for her, as much. He wished now that he had stayed, stayed so that he could have seen her eat it. Then he could have had those eyes and that smile light up for him.  
  
“Ah, the other day I sent a cake over…”  
  
“Oh! That cake! That cake was so good!” Akane’s face was flushing red with excitement, for his cake.  
  
“Really? Great.” Shin was sure that his smile at that moment was nothing compared to the beaming ones that Akane always gave him, but he meant it just as much. It made him so happy to know that she had enjoyed his cake. Again though, he wished that he had been brave enough to stick around. If only it weren’t for that card, he might have been brave enough to stay. Instead of running away because of it.  
  
“Did there happen to be a card with it?”  
  
“This one?”  
  
Akane was glowing again as she held up the card he had send in her hands, had she carried it around with her the whole day? All day? Every day? How embarrassing. His face felt like it was on fire, so she had definitely gotten that too.  
  
“I really like Shin-chan too!” Akane said it with such ease. That wasn’t fair. Him just giving her that tiny card had made him so nervous. This wasn’t fair. Akane must have meant it in just a friendly way, there was no way she could be as carefree as usual in matters such as this. Shin passed over a plate of macarons to Akane, and sat down with her at the table.  
  
“You say like, what kind of like do you mean?”  
  
While he waited for an answer Shin cast his eyes around the shop, Akane had food in front of her, she wouldn’t talk until she was finished.  
  
Out the window, he caught sight of Aoi, and the girl that he had been with on christmas. “Your brother just walked past with a girl.” He said to Akane, if they were on a date, maybe it would clue Akane in to the type of like that he had meant with his card.  
  
“Oh, Karin-chan. They must be looking for me, we all came out together! I guess I should get back to them. Thank you for the macarons Shin-chan! See you at school!”  
  
She was a fluster of energy, and then she was out the door, and she was gone. Shin sat back and watched after her until she was out of sight. He heaved out a deep sigh. She hadn’t even answered his question. Although, he had to look at the bright side, she had said that she would see him at school. That was something to look forward to at least.

 

 

糖

 

 

Shin ate breakfast quietly, whilst his two older brothers argued, complete with rice flying from their chopsticks at the energy they put into it. If they had this much energy in the morning, they should also be thinking about the bakery, yet only he was interest in taking over the family store. He didn’t understand why, it was fun.  
  
He looked up from his food as his mum walked in with a large bowl of fruit. “We can’t sell these anymore, and we’ve already made what we can with them. Take out whatever you want, and you can take it to school with you.”  
  
She placed the bowl in the middle of the table, and Shin peered into it. Strawberries, lots of strawberries, but there was also kiwifruit, bananas, apricot, and something that looked suspiciously like pawpaw in the bowl, among other things. Before he could think of anything else, he was shocked at where his parents had managed to get all this in the middle of winter. How were they meant to eat them without wasting them? He could always take them to school to share with people. Maybe he could see Akane and she would want some, would she like fruit as much as she liked cakes?  
  
“How many can I take?”  
  
“As many as you want Shin-chan.” Both of his brothers just shrugged their shoulders, so that meant that they didn’t care what they were left with.  
  
He pulled out a handful of strawberries, and a selection of the other fruit and put them on his plate. “I’ll take these.” Then he ran out to the front of the store to talk to his dad.  
  
“Dad, dad, is there still chocolate that I can use?”  
  
Given the affirmative, Shin moved into the prep room and set some chocolate to melt. He needed to leave for school soon if he wanted to give himself time to navigate the icy roads on his bike, this would need to be done quickly.  
  
While the chocolate started to melt, he ran back to grab the fruit that he had set aside. He arranged a tray and made some space in the freezer, he needed the chocolate to set quickly in order to leave on time. He washed the fruit under some cold water, running his hands over the surface of each piece of fruit to ensure that it was clean, he patted them dry, and then peeled the skins off the fruit that needed it, slicing up the fruit as well.  
  
When the chocolate was soft, but not too runny, Shin picked up pieces of fruit and dipped them in. When he filled up the tray, he took it immediately to the freezer, before dipping in more fruit. When two small trays were filled up and in the freezer, he emptied the rest of the melted chocolate into a container for storage, and put it in the fridge.  
  
He ran upstairs to collect his school bag and lunch from his mum. Once back downstairs he left his bag in the corner, and began to clear up the bench space. A glance at the clock when he was done told him that he still had five more minutes before he needed to leave. It was amazing how much quicker he took to get ready when he had a stricter time limit.  
  
He found a container to put the fruit in, filled it up, and added that to his bag as well. It was very full now, and heavier than usual. He liked the extra weight on his shoulders, an excuse to see Akane. He called upstairs to his mum that he was leaving, and then called through to the front of the shop to tell his dad as well, before leaving out the back door. He may or may nor have heard an _I hope your girlfriend likes them_ before the back door swung shut. Unlocking his bike, he jumped on and cycled to school.  
  
The wind was icy in his face, but it was easy to ignore with the thought that he had snacks in his bag for Akane. He was going to see her, he had food for her. He still needed to figure out how he was going to find her and give them to her, and it wasn’t the same because it wasn’t really something that he had _made_ , but it still made him happy.  
  
An excuse to see her, and hopefully her smile again.  
  
Never mind, Shin was depressed, his good mood ruined.  
  
He had forgotten that they were having their health examinations today. Reminded by the announcement both in homeroom and over the loudspeaker.  
  
Shin sucked in his breath as much as he could while the teacher measured his height, it did no good. He breathed out and the teacher read out the measurement to be recorded. He hadn’t grown at all. Weight and height the same even though he was meant to be a growing boy and all his other friends had grown at least two centimetres, it wasn’t fair.  
  
“Shin, you’re doing really well.” He heard Kakeru say. It didn’t make him feel any better, Kakeru had grown five centimetres and put on two kilograms since they had been measured last year. He wasn’t allowed to say that. Why couldn’t that happen for Shin too?  
  
“Don’t worry, short guys are popular these days.” Tomoya chimed in. That wasn’t going to work. Tomoya was tall and already had a girlfriend, his girlfriend was also taller than Shin. It wasn’t fair.  
  
“I’ve never heard of that before.” He grumbled, still staring at his health sheet.  
  
“Shin-chan!” That was a much more welcome voice. He turned around.  
  
“Akane-chan!” She was amazing and magical, her presence changing his mood immediately. As if sensing his internal relief, the gym brightened up all around him at his voicing of her name. She ran over and grabbed his hands, bouncing up and down on the spot. Her eyes were gleaming with that green flash, and a smile on her face.  
  
“It’s Shin-chan!” He could only smile, she seemed so excited just to see him. It was a miracle, he had never really seen her at school before, so he could understand the excitement. He was happy to see her too, more than happy. He was just better at not making it so obvious.  
  
Shin could see two girls with her, one of them, the one he had seen twice now with Aoi, Karin.  
  
“I’ve never seen you at school before!” Akane was talking very loudly for being right in front of him.  
  
He heard Kakeru and Tomoya behind him calling out _we’re going ahead_ they had all finished with their health check. They walked back in the direction of the classroom, Shin could hear them chattering to each other but not what they were saying. He was more interested in the girl standing in front of him.  
  
“Yeah, that’s because the second and third year classrooms aren’t very close.”  
  
The reaction to his words had been immediate.  
  
“Huh? Shin-chan is older than us?”  
  
That, was a shock, had they really not known. Surely they must have realised that he wasn’t in the same grade as them… Did that mean that they thought Shin was younger than them? Did he look like he should be in first year?  
  
“Ah, I’m a year older than you guys.” He said, right hand coming up to play with the hair over his ear.  
  
“Sorry,” Aoi said. “I thought you were younger than us.” They really had thought that then, _that was a little depressing_.  
  
“Really, you were just so cute that I was sure you were younger!” This was the girl that Shin hadn’t really met yet. In so short a time what had made Karin think that he was younger? And _cute_? He didn’t want to be called cute. “So, so sorry!”  
  
It was probably because of his height. He heaved out a sigh, although that was still no reason for him to be considered a year younger than them. “Mmm, that’s why I’m depressed that I haven’t grown at all.”  
  
“Sorry.” Karin called out again.  
  
“Shin-chan is amazing!” Akane called out, eyes shining brightly even now. “Not everyone is such a good sport about it!”  
  
Shin was happy that Akane saw it that way, that she wasn’t disappointed in him for being older, but so short. Although, Shin did take note that he was taller than Akane. That was a relief at least, it was all that really mattered to him.  
  
He pulled her aside, bending close so that he could talk to her quietly without the others hearing. “Akane, I have something tasty for you, why don’t you come and get it after school?”  
  
She was smiling at him again, he liked that.  
  
“Something tasty? I wonder what!” Shin smiled at her, so easily excitable. It was time for him to head back to class though, he would have to just talk to her again later. He gave her his class number, and uttered a quick _see you later_ before making his way back up the hall towards his classroom. Throwing a small wave over his shoulder as he left. Akane had her arm over her head, waving it around madly with a giant smile on her face.  
  
His day had turned around again, he had gotten to see Akane, and even had the colours with him now to get him through until he could see her again after class.  
  
Akane showed up at the classroom door almost immediately after the teacher had left for the day. Most of the class had only just started packing their bags.  
  
“Shin-chan, I’m here.”  
  
He looked up from his seat, she was smiling and waving her arm around again. Her presence made Shin smile. He stood up quickly from his seat, arm raised in greeting. “Ah, Akane-chan! Here!”  
  
Unfortunately for Shin, he had forgotten how famous the Kajiya twins were at school. The whole class instantly started making noise.  
  
“Huh, Shin’s girlfriend?”  
  
“It’s a Kajiya twin! He’s dating Akane?”  
  
“Where is Shin, where is he? Even though he’s short? Short!”  
  
“Enough!” He shouted out to the room, making sure that it was loud enough to cut through the noise. Quieter, mostly to himself, he added, “I’m not even that short.” Frustration at his classmates evident in his tone. Hadn’t they been saying earlier that short guys were popular? The tables sure had turned once they thought that he actually had a girlfriend.  
  
He had his bag, and walked as quickly as he could to the doorway of the classroom. “Please don’t tease people like that.”  
  
“Eh? But it’s fun!”  
  
Ignoring the comment, Shin pushed Akane along the corridor in front of him. “Lets go.” He tried to ignore the comments he could still hear coming from the entrance to the classroom.  
  
“Bwahaha!”  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“Come one, we still have more!”  
  
“They’re so cute!”  
  
Maybe that last one wasn’t quite so bad, but he kept that thought to himself.  
  
Akane must have heard the comments too, she was laughing now. “Shin-chan gets along so well with everyone, you’re like a new person at school.” How was he like a new person at school? He had just known most of them for years and they all enjoyed teasing him.  
  
“I didn’t tell anybody else that I gave you sweets.” Shin told her quietly, hoping to get the topic away from his classmates.  
  
“Eh, really?” Akane seemed to almost jump in surprise at what Shin had said, and stopped walking. “I’m surprised you didn’t tell them!”  
  
Shin grabbed at her hand to get her to keep walking. “If I told them, they would all be coming after me for free sweets too.” This time it was Shin that stopped them in their tracks. “Oh, I forgot.” He let go of Akane’s hand, immediately following the action by thinking that he needed to learn how to live life one handedly, so that the next time such a miracle occurred he would never need to let go. He pulled out the box he had packed into his bag and took the lid off.  
  
“The yummy thing!” Akane cheered.  
  
Shin picked up a strawberry, decorated in dark and light chocolate, it looked like it was wearing a suit. “Ah!” Akane opened her mouth wide, so Shin held the strawberry up until she could bite into it.  
  
Her eyes lit up to what had become Shin’s favourite colour. “So good, it tastes delicious!” She pulled another piece of fruit out of the box to eat, smiling widely. He was happy for the reaction, even something small had made her say that, and yet Shin was still sure that none of it was facetious, all of it her honest reaction to eating the food.  
  
Suddenly, Akane slapped her hands up to the side of her face, Shin jumped at the action. “Today I’m going to Shin-chan’s house to eat more sweets!”  
  
“You still want more?” Shin was surprised. Akane hadn’t even eaten all of what he had brought to school, yet there she stood, hands still on her face and smiling at him.  
  
Like he would be able to say no.  
  
He affirmed that she could come down to the shop again, he hoped that his parents wouldn’t mind. Akane went back to eating the fruit, and Shin led her outside. The only issue with getting home was the fact that he had biked to school. If only he had walked, it might have been possible to walk side by side with her home, perhaps they could have held hands again. If it ever happened again, he was not going to let go so quickly.  
  
He could always just walk his bike next to her.  
  
“I rode my bike to school, because it’s more manly—“ he was interrupted before he could offer to walk the bike next to her.  
  
“I wanna ride!”  
  
“Eh, ride?”  
  
“I’ve never ridden a bike before!” How did Akane plan on riding a bike if she had never ridden one before. It wasn’t really something that could be learned instantly.  
  
“Then do you want to ride with me?” It had slipped out before he could really think about it.  
  
“Yeah!”  
  
Shin could feel the sweat drop down his face, sharing a bike was what couples did. He also didn’t have a rack on his bike, or anywhere that Akane could sit.  
  
Akane solved that problem for him. She stood behind the seat and gestured for him to sit down. Shin placed the handle of his bag over the bikes handlebars, and took off his blazer too. Akane stood on the bolts in the back wheel of the bike, her feet must have been tiny. The thought was short lived, when he felt her hands grasp onto his shoulders, suddenly that was all he could feel. He should have taken off his sweater too, but it was still winter, it would have been a bit too much just to feel the warmth of her palms.  
  
It was difficult to start peddling out of the school gate, much harder to maintain balance with a second persons weight on the bike. Especially as it became obvious that Akane really had never ridden a bike before, and kept moving around.  
  
“Akane-chan, you’re throwing off my balance!”  
  
Although she seemed to be enjoying it, screaming out like she was on a roller coaster, and not noticing the concentration that Shin had to put in just to keep them vertical.  
  
“So, are you a man yet?” Akane called from over his shoulder.  
  
“What kind of question is that? I don’t really know, I just want to be able to protect women if needed.”  
  
“Shin-chan is so cool!” It was embarrassing for her to continue reacting to things he did like that, he also wanted more of it. To hear more of her praise for both him and his food. “I really like that, it’s cool.”  
  
“Really?” He turned his head to look at Akane, to see if she was serious. Her voice had sounded as innocently honest as usual, but the words that came out could have so easily been meant to be teasing.  
  
Instead, on viewing her face he only saw her eyes go wide. “Waaah! Shin-chan look out!”  
  
He was quick to turn back around, making a distinctly _unmanly_ noise before the bike hit the curb and toppled over. He and Akane both being flung off the bike and onto the ground. Luckily they had been going past a field at that point and not the road.  
  
“Akane-chan! Are you okay?” She was lying flat on her back in the grass, arms stretched straight out to both sides. Instead of an answer, he was met with her laughter. He took it as a good sign. “Can you stand?” He held out a hand in order to help her up.  
  
“That was fun!” She said, reaching out to grab his hand.  
  
Shin started to pull her up. “I knew we were going to crash eventually—“ He was stopped by Akane falling back to the ground, Shin still had a hold of her hand.  
  
“I can’t stand up.”  
  
“What?” He had injured her. He should have just walked his bike beside her to the store.  
  
“I think it’s my ankle.” If it was her ankle she wouldn’t even be able to walk now. Her socks went to just below her knees, so Shin couldn’t tell if her ankle had started to swell, or if something even worse had happened. Whatever the damage, they would need to move from here.  
  
Shin picked Akane up, careful not to bump the ankle that was injured. He placed her in the seat of the bike. Then, holding the handlebars carefully he began walking both the bike and Akane to the bakery. “You can call someone to pick you up when we get there if you like.”  
  
“Thanks Shin-chan!” He was happy that she didn’t seem too angry at him for making them crash. If only he hadn’t tried to see what she looked like in that moment. He should have trusted her, just because he was used to teasing didn’t mean that Akane would tease him. She hadn’t so far.  
  
Getting to the bakery was slow, but Akane seemed to enjoy riding on the bike. When they arrived, Shin’s dad was at the counter, and after explaining what had happened, he sat Akane down on a couch in the shop.  
  
“Go make her something to eat Shin, I’ll see what’s wrong with her ankle and get her the phone.”  
  
Shin didn’t have any cakes prepared, so he didn't wait around, just went straight into the prep room to make her something. He was glad his dad had given him permission for this, not just told him to fetch something from the display for her.  
  
Besides, he had two older brothers who were on sports teams, his dad would know how to look after a bad ankle.  
  
Twenty minutes later, he carried a tray of food to Akane. “Akane-chan, is Aoi coming to get you?”  
  
“Yeah,” Shin could tell the exact moment when she noticed what he was carrying. Her whole face lit up. “Wow, cake!”  
  
“I just made these so that you could have something to eat.” It was the reason she had come with him after all. Shin had made five different things, hoping that it would help her to forget about her ankle until her brother came to pick her up.  
  
Something must have shown on his face about what he was thinking.  
  
Akane put down the wrapping of cake number one. “Don’t worry Shin-chan, I’m doing okay, it doesn’t hurt.”  
  
“No, as a man I have to take care of you. That is my duty.”  
  
Akane laughed, her face lighting up. She looked so happy that Shin couldn’t even get angry for her laughing at him.  
  
“Well then, I’ll eat some more of Shin-chan’s cakes before I go home.” His favourite colour was back in her eyes. “Because your cakes, when I eat them I feel really happy!”  
  
Akane was sparkling; and at her words Shin felt like he could be too.  
  
“I’ll go get some tea then.”  
  
“Okay!”  
  
He came back with a pot of tea. Only to find Akane curled up on the couch.  
  
“Huh? Akane-chan fell asleep? She must be exhausted from today.” He set the new tray he had brought out on the table. “Wow, she ate all of them!” Perhaps Akane had just fallen into a food coma instead?  
  
Still, it made him happy that she had eaten them all. He only wished a little bit that he had been there to see her enjoying them. Seen the joy on her face, for what she had said just moments earlier. _When I eat your cakes I feel really happy._  
  
He sat down on a chair in front of where she was sleeping. “Thank you.”  
  
Akane was somehow cuter like this. When awake, she radiated energy. Now, asleep, she was quiet. She looked soft with her eyes closed. Her eyelashes long where they were settled down against her cheek. Her lips were stained red, from the jam in one of the cakes that she had eaten. It made them stand out against her pale skin.  
  
Shin felt a sudden pull within him, that he wanted to kiss those lips. Needed to know what they would feel like against his. Needed to taste what she had, when she had eaten his cakes.  
  
He leaned over over. He could feel her breath on his lips. The sweet scent of his cakes blown out as she breathed. There was nobody around.  
  
It was now or never.  
  
The bell over the door to the shop jingled.  
  
Never it was.  
  
Shin pulled back a little bit to look over at the entrance.  
  
He froze.  
  
Aoi was standing in the entrance, hands tucked into his pockets and jacket done all the way up to his neck. Aoi was staring back at him, and Shin could not place the look on his face. He was terrified. Aoi had walked in on him attempting to kiss what was a very obviously asleep Akane. Despite the story of sleeping beauty, Shin knew that it was not a good thing to be caught trying to do.  
  
He stood up, and took a step away from where Akane was asleep on the couch. “Aoi-kun!” He ended up shouting out. Too loud, he was very flustered. He backed up, further away from Akane. “You got here so fast! Uh—“  
  
He had backed himself into the table, which was knocked over from his weight. Plates and the tea set crashing to the floor. Thankfully they didn’t break, although the tea was spreading everywhere.  
  
“I am here to fetch Akane.”  
  
Shin still couldn’t read Aoi’s face. Even his voice gave nothing away. Was he angry? Did Shin need to prepare himself for a fight, or at least for getting hit? He wasn’t going to fight back, he deserved whatever punishment Aoi was set to give him.  
  
“Yeah, Akane fell asleep…” He wanted to explain further, find an excuse for what he had been caught doing, but he didn't really see how that would be helpful. Plus, Shin was beginning to think that if Aoi was going to hit him, the time for it had been and gone. Yet Aoi still wouldn’t come any further into the shop.  
  
“Sorry for the trouble, I see this idiot has been worn dead.”  
  
Aoi’s face finally had a different expression, something that really did look like he was apologising for his sister, was annoyed at her for falling asleep at someone else’s home, and in the middle of a shop at that.  
  
Not annoyed at Shin for almost kissing her.  
  
“It’s fine.” It was only falling asleep. She had been nice enough to wait to do it after eating the desserts he had made for her. Otherwise he might have taken offence that they were not good enough.  
  
“I got Akane-chan hurt, I am so sorry.” Shin bowed his head at Aoi in apology.  
  
“Don’t worry, she’s practically made out of iron.”  
  
The comment didn’t feel particularly comforting. Although it did also mean that Aoi didn’t complete blame him for it.  
  
Aoi was right in front of him now, looking him in the eyes. It was intimidating. Shin shifted on the spot, uncomfortable at the intensity projected his way.  
  
“Do you truly love her with all your heart?”  
  
That, had been the last question that he had expected. He knew that Aoi had seen the note he left, he had to have seen it, especially if Akane had been carrying it around with her. Akane had not really responded to the note though. Had left the last time that she had been here before Shin had been able to get a proper answer. He been been gearing himself up to be content to leave it, for now. To try again at a later time, when he had known Akane longer than just an afternoon.  
  
If Aoi was asking though, did that mean that Shin had a chance? Had Aoi seen something in Akane that Shin hadn’t been able to? Had she talked about him? Did this mean it was okay to try again without needing to wait for too long, until it would possibly be too late.  
  
Shin gulped. Now or never. “I do.” He hoped that he had sounded strong.  
  
“That idiot girls energy doesn’t wear you down? Are you okay?” Was this his test? “And all she does is eat.”  
  
As if just hearing the word _eat_ was enough to rouse her, Akane piped up from where she was sleeping. “Sweet, sweet, cake!” Both Aoi and Shin turned to look at her, still asleep, before turning back to each other.  
  
“She has no manners.”  
  
Was Aoi trying to talk him out of liking his sister? By listing off what he deemed her bad points? Aoi had grown up with her though, so he didn’t understand. All those things said to make Akane look bad, to Shin, they were what he liked about her.  
  
“I really like the innocent Akane-chan, but I’ve learned that she doesn’t care about me in that way.”  
  
Aoi stared at him, and Shin brought a hand up to run through his hair in embarrassment.  
  
“Sorry, it’s nothing.” He said, trying to laugh it off.  
  
“Really, really yummy cake!” Then again, there was always Akane to cut through an embarrassing moment. At her last dream driven words, she had finally woken herself up.  
  
“Ah, Aoi.” She had noticed her brothers presence, even while rubbing sleepily at her eyes.  
  
“You are even eating in your dreams.” Aoi seemed to be annoyed at her.  
  
Shin just laughed. “It’s because she could smell the cakes while she was sleeping.  
  
Akane seemed to be fully awake now. “You’re too fast!” She shouted at her brother. Shin couldn’t help but agree, he had come too fast, if only he had been even ten seconds later.  
  
“Are you trying to pick a fight with me? Just keep on sleeping then!”  
  
Shin had thought that having a sister would be different to having a brother, and yet the argument they were having sounded familiar to what he was used to in his house. He smiled at the thought.  
  
It didn’t take long for them to calm down so they could leave though. Too soon. That hadn’t been an ideal afternoon with Akane at all. He had injured her, and then she had fallen asleep.  
  
“Be careful on your way home, mostly you Akane-chan. Take care!”  
  
“Bye bye Shin-chan, good night!”  
  
They were out the door, and she was once again waving with her entire body, face lit up brighter than the moon. Behind her, Shin could see Aoi looking back at him, the same expression shown as when he had first showed up in the shop this afternoon.  
  
Shin didn’t know what it meant for him.  
  
Akane didn’t like him that way, and he had spilled that he really did love Akane to her brother. Not even properly to her. He was an embarrassment.  
  
He still smiled as he waved at them until they were out of sight. Yet inside all he could really think was that today had been such a roller coaster of emotions for him. Leaving out Akane’s injury, it had been fun, to see her at school today and then to also bring her home.

 

 

糖

 

 

Shin, for all of his fifteen years of age, in his last trimester of junior high decided that the best way to leave his real confession until Akane was ready to answer him, was to avoid her. It was easy enough to put into practice, the light colour of both her and Aoi’s hair standing out amongst others in their school. Most of the time spotting them came with a burst of colour, the shining gold telling him that he needed to move in another direction.  
  
It also became apparent in time, that simply staying in his classroom was not going to be safe. Not after two girls he had seen with Akane before cornered him one lunchtime asking for advice about valentines day treats. Of course, one of either Akane or Aoi must have mentioned that he worked at a bakery. He had to wave them off, before other people in his class heard. Told them instead that he would meet them somewhere at lunch. Just because they were Akane’s friends, didn’t mean that he wouldn’t help them to make chocolate for valentines.  
  
Valentines day. It was getting to that time of year again.  
  
Colour swarmed his vision today on the way to the genkan. With it, he was able to spot Aoi at his shoe locker, standing tall above the others. Akane and the girls that he had talked to earlier were also there. Why were they standing with Akane? He had thought that maybe it would just be the two of them wanting help, he didn’t want to have to help Akane make chocolates for valentines. He didn’t have anywhere else to go to prolong needing to be there, so he hid behind a wall. He would wait until they were gone. Then maybe go to the school shop and head back up to his classroom to eat lunch.  
  
“Akane is gone, senpai.”  
  
_Ah_ , Aoi had spotted him. It wasn’t exactly a good hiding spot, so it wasn’t that surprising. The good news was that Aoi had waited until Akane had gone. Hopefully, that meant that she hadn’t seen him.  
  
Shin removed himself from his hiding spot around the corner. “Thanks…” He continued walking towards the genkan, Aoi had apparently not been alone, the two girls were also with him. Both of whom just stared at him.  
  
“Hey senpai, are you avoiding Akane?”  
  
He didn’t say anything, Aoi also stood by quietly - something Shin was beginning to realise was just how he was. The complete opposite of the energetic girl that he loved.  
  
He didn’t get to leave, Akane’s friends had somehow managed to get him to follow them along to a table in the library. He had let himself be dragged along, having seen Akane go outside already, there was no risk of her being there. Aoi was also following along behind them, if he hadn’t been, Shin probably wouldn’t have so willingly let himself be dragged along by people he didn’t really know.  
  
When they sat down at a table, one of the girls started shouting at him. “That girl fills her stomach because of you, you know?”  
  
Of course he knew, that had been what started this whole thing. He had fallen into her trap, because she had liked his sweets, his cakes, his baking. She had smiled her big smile at him, her eyes glowing, she had given Shin his favourite colour. Akane could ask for anything, and he would make it for her, just to keep her happy. His mind and soul had been caught up in her since she had first come into his shop.  
  
Shin had given all he had to make her a special cake, with a special message, and Akane had not reacted in anyway that he had expected. _She hadn’t reacted at all._  
  
“That wasn’t senpai’s fault.” He heard Aoi snap back at the girl who had spoken.  
  
“Is there something wrong?” Karin, this was the girl that had been there at his confession attempt. She had probably seen it, his pathetic little note. Shin would need to tell them, as embarrassing as it was.  
  
“If I stay with Akane like this…” Looking into their eyes was too hard. Talking to the table was easier, even though his hands twisted with nerves in his lap. “I will only continue to love her even more.”  
  
They all looked surprised at that, even Aoi who seemed to have his _tatemae_ perfected at all times.  
  
The first girl spoke, “Ah, well this is Akane after all. She doesn’t even know about love.”  
  
“We never know her feelings since she never thinks.” The two girls were looking at him now like Shin was stupid. To be fair to them, he felt that right now it was an accurate assumption.  
  
“Exactly what I was going to say..” Aoi added.  
  
“Well love will be what it is. There isn’t any way of changing its nature. We all have to learn that sometime.”  
  
Shin, was _actually_ older than these people right? He also really needed to learn their names properly. The only one he had actually been introduced here had been Aoi.  
  
The girl’s expression changed. “Ah! It’s almost valentines though, I should ask senpai to make chocolates for me.” She held up a magazine. It was different than when she had barged into his classroom to ask, this at least was just a few people, and would not leave the rest of his class, and possibly year, with wanting him to make their chocolates too.  
  
“Aren’t you supposed to make those yourself?”  
  
“You shouldn’t bother senpai for such things.” Aoi seemed to be scolding the two girls.  
  
“Aoi-kun, don’t underestimate this holiday! You know boys like you can also give chocolates?” Shin couldn’t believe that anybody would try to downgrade valentines, least of all a boy, all they usually had to do was receive chocolate.  
  
Even though Shin hadn’t _really_ received chocolates before on valentines, he still believed that it was a holiday to celebrate by giving chocolate. The most special of which was handmade. Shin’s life revolved around handmade sweets, and so he loved valentines because it made everybody else interested in sweets too. For just one day everybody was on his wavelength.  
  
“Shin-chan-senpai, even if you try to tell these things to Aoi, he’s totally uninterested in women.”  
  
Aoi frowned at the girl who had spoken. “Wasn’t that too blunt?” Shin on the other hand felt like there had been some sort of breakthrough.  
  
“That’s right! Aoi-kun is so perfect that Akane doesn’t even consider guys less than him!”  
  
It made perfect sense. Aoi was _tall_ , and _smart_ and _handsome_. Next to him, Shin was _small_ , and going into high school on a _baking recommendation_ , and was called _cute_. He could never be considered as a man next to Aoi.  
  
“No, no, Shin-chan-senpai is totally off the mark.”  
  
The bell rang then, ending their conversation. Shin left the others first, heading back up to his classroom.  
  
Shin was delayed from leaving in the afternoon. He had been on the way to his bike after school to find Akane crouching down in front of it. She must have raced there after her last class, because Shin usually did too in order to get home at a decent time, and yet here she was, before Shin had even had a chance to leave. He also still didn’t really want to see her.  
  
Aoi was walking up to her now though, hopefully Aoi would be able to get her away, and then he would be able to get to his bike in peace.  
  
It didn’t happen though. They talked for a while, and Shin couldn’t hear what was being said. He would just have to wait it out.  
  
“Shut up!” That was Akane’s voice, he had definitely heard that. “Why do you keep asking me?” He was curious, and couldn’t help but wonder what Aoi was asking her about. It was bad to eavesdrop, but he also didn’t have a choice. It was his bike that they were arguing in front of.  
  
“Maybe Shin-chan hates me.”  
  
He had heard that as well. He didn’t know how Akane could come to that conclusion, what he felt was nowhere close to hate. “I’m sure it’s because I ate too much cake!” She shouted at Aoi. That was some strange reasoning for Shin to hate her, it was that which made him love her.  
  
He stepped out from his hiding place.  
  
“W…H…”  
  
Had he been planning on saying something? Had he thought this through at all? No, he had not. He had started walking up to them, instead he froze, he had already tucked his bag under one arm and had a hand reaching out to Akane. When had any of this happened?  
  
“Shin-chan!”  
  
They had definitely seen him now. He still didn’t know what he had been planning to say. Now they were both stood there, poses frozen from their argument, staring at him. Akane in wide-mouthed shock, Aoi frowning at him like he was an idiot. He probably was, seeing as his first thought then was to run away. He hadn’t thought this though at all.  
  
He turned and fled.  
  
_Tap tap tap._  
  
“Wait!”  
  
_Tap tap tap._  
  
Akane was running after him.  
  
Back into the building, kicking off his shoes, down the corridor, up the staircase.  
  
Suddenly Shin was reminded of Akane going home last week, and … Akane had injured herself.  
  
He stopped halfway up the staircase.  
  
“Akane-chan, your leg!”  
  
“Leg?” She shouted back. She looked confused, why did she seem confused? It also stopped her for a second, and then she was chasing him up the stairs too.  
  
“It can’t be better yet!”  
  
She shouldn’t be chasing after him while injured, it would only get worse. It wouldn’t heal and Shin had been the reason that she had gotten injured in the first place.  
  
“Hey, wait for me! If Shin-chan won’t wait for me then I will have to go faster!”  
  
He stopped at the top of the stairs, it wouldn’t be good for her to continue running after him. He didn’t want to hurt her again, once was more than enough.  
  
She crawled up to the last step, and Shin crouched down to talk to her.  
  
“Akane-chan, you aren’t hurt right?” His voice was shaking, please, _please_ he didn’t want her to be hurt again because of him.  
  
“You didn’t wait.” She was puffing her words out, catching her breath. “I genuinely like Shin-chan with all my heart. School Shin-chan, cake Shin-chan, and passionate Shin-chan. I like them all!”  
  
He just kind of stared at her, amazed. Her eyes were wide, but she wasn’t smiling. She looked so serious, more serious than he had ever seen her look before. The expression would have suited her brother much more than it suited her face.  
  
He should have believed in her more. She had made Shin believe in himself more, he should have given her more credit.  
  
He shuffled through his pockets. “Here, I have something for you.” He held out a tiny sweet. It wasn’t anything special, nothing he had made, just something that he usually kept on him. It wasn’t even from his shop. Mass produced, store bought.  
  
“Wow!” Her eyes had lit up anyway, the way he liked, gleaming in his favourite colour.  
  
Shin unwrapped the candy, Akane opened her mouth, and he threw it in. “It’s good!” And there was his favourite smile too. How had he ever thought that he could avoid it, that he could live without it?  
  
He smiled.  
  
She leaned closer to where he was sat at the top of the stairs. “I really enjoy being with you, I really do.”  
  
“I really can’t ignore those feelings.” It wasn’t what he wanted from her, but it was a step in the right direction. It was more than she had given him before.  
  
He offered her an arm, and helped her limp back to his bike. Aoi was still there, waiting and frowning, most likely at his sister limping her way back. Akane really shouldn’t have run after him, but Shin was glad that she had.

 

 

糖

 

 

Having everyone here, was a great reminder for how much fun valentines day could be. Shin was enjoying it, it was fun to make chocolates with other people. It was fun to watch other people enjoying what he loved. It was fun to teach people what he knew. After all, this was the one time he could make chocolates as much as he liked for people.  
  
“When the ganache dries, you put a coat of melted chocolate on. You can use white chocolate too, and put decorations on it to make it look cute.”  
  
Shin demonstrated as he explained. Drizzling the ganache with first dark chocolate, dotting it with the white chocolate and then sprinkling nuts over before it could dry.  
  
“And the truffle chocolate is done!”  
  
The girls were wide-eyed.  
  
“It looks so good!”  
  
“I’m getting confident with valentines now.”  
  
Shin clapped his hands together, forcing their attention back to him. “Now lets make raw chocolate!”  
  
Raw chocolate, he thought was more special. Anyone could melt chocolate, put it in a mould and decorate it. Raw chocolate meant more effort, putting more heart into the dessert, and that was what the holiday was all about.  
  
Shin listened to them gossip while he mixed together the ingredients for the next batch. He largely tuned out to what they were discussing, letting it filter through his head as background noise. He couldn’t help but overhear who they planned on giving the chocolates too, and it was harder to feign ignorance when he heard Aoi’s name. So Karin was going to give her chocolate to Aoi…  
  
“Boring! Those two don’t improve at all.” Wakana whined.  
  
Shin couldn’t help but to laugh. He couldn’t picture stoic, mature Aoi being romantic, after all, the last time they had really talked he hadn’t seemed very into valentines day at all.  
  
“Wow, young people nowadays.”  
  
“You are part of nowadays too.” Shin hadn’t meant his words to be said out loud, so he really couldn’t fault Karin for shooting back at him.  
  
“ _Ah_ , girls!”  
  
Shin looked up at the voice, an unwelcome presence: his brothers had shown up.  
  
“Looks like they are doing something fun.” Yuu said. It figured that they would only think it was fun when it involved being surrounded by girls.  
  
“They are my _kouhai_ from school, Karin-chan and Wakana-chan.” He pointed to each of them as he introduced them.  
  
“Eh?”  
  
“My big brothers.”  
  
“ _Eh_!” These girls had been so talkative all morning, and yet now it seemed they had been stunned into silence. It made him smile. Everyone had told him all his life that they all looked alike, it made sense that the two of them were his brothers.  
  
“Shin-chan-senpai, you had big brothers?” It turned out that the surprise was that he had siblings at all. He couldn’t really understand why Wakana was acting so surprised about it, it wasn’t as if they knew each other all that well. He only knew her because of who she was friends with.  
  
His brothers took Wakana’s curiosity as an invitation, both sitting themselves down at the table they were working at.  
  
“I’m Kou, he’s Yuu, and then Shin is the youngest.”  
  
Kou stretched his arms out over the table. “Hey hey, don’t just relax.” Shin scolded, he knew what was going to come next.  
  
Kou’s stretched out hands drifted along the table to where the plate of finished chocolates were sat. “This looks good, can I eat it?” There it was.  
  
“Shin-chan-senpai is teaching us how to make chocolates.”  
  
“Ah, this guy is weird right?” Yuu waved his hand in Shin’s direction. He felt his face pull into a frown. “He’s a boy but he likes making sweets.” Yuu said this every time Shin’s hobby was brought up, he wished that it would stop.  
  
“Hey!”  
  
“There’s no way we could do something like that.” Kou added.  
  
“So Shin is our special successor.”  
  
His brothers only had the ability of getting along well enough to finish each other sentences when it came to teasing him. Being the youngest in the family was a chore.  
  
“You’ve said enough, go away.”  
  
They had the courtesy of standing up, but Shin had to push them back into the house for them to actually leave.  
  
“Come on, let us talk a bit more.”  
  
“You can’t, it’ll stink of guys.”  
  
It would always amaze Shin how despite growing up in this house, his older brothers still didn’t understand that the smells they wore would permeate into the sweets and affect their smell and flavour. They had been raised above the bakery. Why did they still not know? Why did they wear such obnoxious overpowering scents?  
  
“Shin-chan-senpai, you’re going to succeed the family business?”  
  
He could finally sit back down at the table. “Yeah well, those two are like that so…”  
  
“Wow, you’ve already decided what you want to do in a future far away—“  
  
“It’s not that far away.”  
  
They kept talking as if Shin hadn’t interrupted at all.  
  
“We’re only in junior high after all. I’ve only chosen the university that I want to go to.”  
  
“Yeah, um." He tried to interject, but the girls seemed intent on talking only amongst themselves.  
  
“You’ve already chosen things like that! Oh, that’s right, you're in the special class.”  
  
There was a lull in the conversation. Shin took the opportunity. “I’m almost going to graduate.” That got their attention, and they both seemed surprised.  
  
“That’s right, I forgot that you were a third year.”  
  
“After valentines is graduation season.”  
  
The girls were easily lost in conversation again, Shin went back to mixing chocolate.  
  
When the day of valentines dawn, Shin couldn’t stop himself from feeling excited. Around the table, the excitement was almost visible, and his mum was trying really hard to calm everyone down. This was the one day a year when even his brothers allowed themselves to be excited about chocolates.  
  
They often received chocolates, all three of them. Usually from girls who knew that their family ran a bakery, in anticipation of the return gifts they would receive on white day. His brothers usually held their number of valentines over their friends heads, bragging, even though none of them were real valentines. Today they were also going to compete among each other, the loser having to work with Shin to make the return gifts for everyone.  
  
From the moment he arrived at school Shin had chocolates pressed to him, placed in his hands, placed with name cards into his shoe locker. Never anonymous, always wanting him to know who it was so that he made them something in return. It was greedy, but it was an excuse to bake, he would always take it.  
  
On this morning as well the colours bloomed across his vision. It allows him to appreciate the wrappings that the chocolates had come in. Pinks, reds, and variations of the two. This day had a colour, he wondered if anyone else could see it too. If any of the girls who had given him the chocolates had known the colour of the gifts they gave.  
  
He sees Akane then, but can’t call out to her, as he is stopped by two more girls pressing chocolates onto him. He thanks them, and then hears the call.  
  
“Shin-chan!”  
  
He turns away from the girls to greet Akane.  
  
“Akane-chan.” He pauses at the look on her face, she isn’t smiling at him. Elsewhere the girls from earlier call out a farewell. He can only focus on Akane, unsmiling in front of him.  
  
“Wow, Shin-chan-senpai you’ve got chocolates!” Wakana appears by Akane’s side, gushing over the chocolates in his hands.  
  
“No, no,” he assures. “They’re just friends. They happen to like the return gifts that I give them, so I started to get chocolates once people found out.”  
  
Akane still doesn’t look happy. He pulls out his own gift from his bag. “Akane-chan, I made chocolates for you.” Shin had expected her to shine like she usually did. To smile when he passed over treats, made especially for her. Instead, she just frowns harder.  
  
“Valentines are for girls.” Is all that she says, turning to run inside the building.  
  
“Huh? Akane-chan?” He really had thought that giving her chocolates would make her happy.  
  
“Akane-chan made chocolates for you too.” Wakana tells him.  
  
“What?” He hadn’t expected chocolates from her at all. That still wasn’t the reason that he had made chocolates though, it was a day of chocolate giving, he had wanted to make some for Akane too, just because he could.  
  
“Is she jealous?” Karin looks thoughtful. “Does Akane feel delicate things like that?”  
  
“That’s good senpai, Akane’s progressing.” Wakana pats him on the shoulder. Was that supposed to make him feel better? Was progressing meant to mean that Akane was thinking about him more? The girls continue trying to cheer him up, his thoughts about Akane’s abrupt departure clearly showing on his face. Aoi stood to the side, Shin hadn't noticed him until now. Aoi was watching over in the direction of where Akane had run off.  
  
The bell rings, and Shin is left to place the chocolates that he had made for Akane carefully back into his bag. He will try to give them to her again later, and if she really doesn’t want them, he can take them back home for his family to eat. His brothers might tease him about making sweets, but they don't seem to care when they get to eat all of his leftovers.  
  
When the break comes around, Shin decides to return all the chocolates that he had received in the morning. If, as Karin had said, Akane felt jealous, then hopefully returning them would make her feel better.  
  
Nobody had appreciated having their chocolates returned, but when Shin promised to still make white day gifts for them, they didn’t mind as much. He made careful note of who had given him gifts, now that he wouldn’t have the cards from them to remind him who to make something for.  
  
“Shin-chan!” As was usual, Shin heard her before he ever saw her. Turning to the sound of her voice, he could see her running down the third year corridor at full speed.  
  
“Akane-chan?”  
  
“I can see you again right?”  
  
He was confused, Akane was hunched over, catching her breath, and had not elaborated any further. “Are you okay?” He asked instead. She appeared to be over whatever had happened this morning, which was good, but this seemed to be a different problem all together.  
  
“Even if you graduate… If I go to your shop, I can still see you like always?”  
  
He didn’t know where this had come from, or why she was suddenly asking about it, but he decided to tell her the truth. “Akane-chan, I didn’t tell you, but when I graduate I am going to a patisserie school far away.” That wasn’t how he had wanted to tell her. He hadn’t planned how he was going to tell her, but that definitely hadn’t been it.  
  
“No!” He should have, but he really hadn’t expected her to shout that at him. “That means I won’t be able to see you straight away like always.” Her face was becoming flushed as she shouted at him. Whether from anger, or just the act of shouting he couldn’t tell.  
  
“Right.” He answered.  
  
“I can’t eat your cakes like always? No!”  
  
“Akane-chan—“  
  
“I don’t want that, but you’ll be able to do it Shin-chan.” Shin watched her take two deep breaths, calming herself down. It had all happened so fast, Akane blowing up and then cooling down. “You can open an awesome shop and there will be lots of customers, and you will become very famous.” She took a few more deep breaths, Shin was given the impression that there was more, so he stayed silent, despite wanting to shout back that even if all that happened it would only be worth it if Akane was still there to eat his treats too.  
  
“Shin-chan, you always give me lots of things. Thank you.”  
  
Akane’s eyes were wide and gleaming. From the pocket of her cardigan she pulled out a bag of cookies. She didn’t say anything else, or even push them onto him like everybody else today he tried to. Just stood there, eyes shining earnestly and her hands out.  
  
“Can I have it?” Akane gave the smallest nod of her head, eyes locked with his. Leaving the cookies in her hands, he took one out. “Itadakimasu.” He ate it, and Akane watched him as he ate. It was good, and he was happy to have received something from Akane, even if it wasn’t _honmei_. “Yes.”  
  
“Yes?” She tilted her head to the side as she spoke.  
  
“After I go far away and study, when I come back, I hope you will be all grown up Akane-chan.”  
  
He patted her on the head, her hair was as soft as it had looked. It also appeared as if that was all it took to calm her down. The Akane that had yelled at him this morning, and the Akane that had yelled at him just now, there was no trace of either of them. Instead she was smiling again, her eyes glowing in his favourite colour as she talked excitedly about all the new things that he was sure to learn how to make in high school.  
  
Finally, he had also been able to pass along his chocolates to her too, without her running away.

 

 

糖

 

 

It felt like no time at all had passed, like the last three years had been a blur. Yet he was standing here, and about to graduate. It was a scary thought, largely because he had become so used to it now. Waking up in monochrome and then having the colours crash into his life at school. Every day at school now they came. His days had turned into meeting Akane at the lockers at school, flashing in all the colours that made her special in his mind. Some days he brought treats that he made for her, other times she came home with him after school. Walking next to him as he pushed his bike.  
  
He had gotten used to it, and now it was ending, after only a month of it.  
  
Shin was leaving for high school straight after graduation. He would be moving straight into the dorm. For the spring break, he would be away, settling into his new life. Today was the last day that would have Akane in it.  
  
And he hadn’t even gotten to see her that morning.  
  
The teachers had been ruthless in making sure that all of their uniforms were on properly. Making sure that everyone was there. Making sure that the lines they were standing in were straight and perfect. Shin was just happy that they were organised by name, for once he wasn’t forced to the front of the line.  
  
Walking into the gymnasium was when the colours burst in for the first time that day. The uniforms of his classmates coming into colour, and the flower on his chest blooming pink like the cherry blossoms would be outside.  
  
Akane was easy to spot in the room. Seated up on the balcony. She was the only person leaning over the barrier, where everyone else was sat watching patiently. Akane gave him a small wave, much smaller than the full bodied ones she usually gave him. Just one hand up in greeting, not even moving. He flashed her a smile, hoping that she knew it was for her, to show that he had seen her.  
  
Standing up through the ceremony was hard, He remembered being seated at the entrance ceremony, yet here they were made to stand. It was hard, he was used to standing up in the shop all day when he had to work, but that was different to not being allowed to move, to having to be still. He couldn’t imagine Akane making it through the ceremony when it was her turn next year.  
  
The representative from his year stepped off the stage, and back into line with the rest of them. Shin felt so jealous, he had been able to move, to walk, while the rest of them had stood still. He briefly wished that he had studied harder just for that relief. Next up was the second year speaker, Aoi. Shin was kind of looking forward to what Aoi would have to say, he always seemed to act so much older than they were, it was interesting to see him act the role of kouhai here.  
  
“To the third years, congratulations on your graduation.” Aoi had only just started, but Shin could here girls cheering for him in the audience. He had no idea that Aoi was so popular. “Right now, all of you have dreams and futures in your heart. We have watched you shine while you were here, we admired and respected you. We wanted to be like you, even just a little bit, and we looked up to you. Now, as you leave this school, in front of your eyes, a new world will spread. There will be both good things and bad things as you follow your dreams; but we will always support you with all of our heart.”  
  
There was much louder cheering following Aoi’s speech compared to all those who had talked previously. Largely made up of what appeared to be an Aoi fan club, along with Akane making noise that Aoi was standing out too much. Shin on the other hand was silently awed. It was different, hearing a speech like that, knowing the person who gave it. Knowing that _Akane’s brother_ had given the speech, it was easy to picture her saying the words in place of Aoi. It resonated with him, it tugged at his chest, and if he hadn’t spent so much of his life trying to be manly he might have given in to tears.  
  
There was one more speech by the headmaster before they all went up, class by class, to received their certificates. It took far less time than the speeches had, and it was over rather quickly. Some of the girls in his class had already started to cry.  
  
When he exited the gym with his class, people migrated off into groups. Shin was surprised to be approached by a group of girls, largely those who he had been returning chocolates to over the last couple of years.  
  
He hadn’t expected it to be a problem, their uniforms didn’t have buttons, but it took no time at all for the bravest member of the group to make a grab for his shirt instead. He hadn’t thought of that at all. Shin took it upon himself to rid his shirt of buttons - how had they planned on getting the ones covered by his vest anyway? - and handed them out. Knowing this was happening, and the reasons behind it, he kept the second one for himself.  
  
When all of his buttons, less the one he had kept, had been taken, the girls surrounding him dispersed; finding their friends who hadn’t been in the same class, or who were kouhai. He heard a call of his name, and knew that he would soon be a part of the latter.  
  
Akane and Aoi were together with their group of friends, people Shin had gotten to know fairly well over the last month. Akane was standing front and centre, holding out a bouquet of flowers in front of her. “Congratulations on graduating!”  
  
“Thank you everyone.” He took the flowers, awed, he hadn’t expected this at all.  
  
“And what is this school thinking when it comes to no buttons on the boys uniform?”  
  
The moment of awe passed, as Wakana seemed oddly angry at the fact. Girls apparently took this button business far more seriously than he had expected. He would remember this come high school graduation… if high school passed the same way that this had.  
  
“You really are fussy about those kind of things.” Karin didn’t seem to mind as much as Wakana had, although Shin wondered if those thoughts would change next year, when it was her turn.  
  
Shin laughed, “It made my shirt all tattered.” He held his shirt out, showing where all the buttons had been removed.  
  
“Shin-chan-senpai is so cool! No buttons!”  
  
He reached into his pocket for his treasure. “I saved my second button for you Akane-chan.”  
  
She took the button from his hands. “Thank you?” The lilt in her voice let Shin know that she was confused. Of course, she would be one to have no idea about the tradition.  
  
“You don’t get the meaning do you?”  
  
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He assured Wakana, he was used to Akane not understanding certain things. In particular, he was used to these moments occurring when it involved him trying to portray his feelings. Akane was weirdly innocent of understanding any of his actions when it came to that. Disappointing at first, but he had come to realise that it was just a part of who she was, and that Shin liked that about her as well.  
  
“Shin, we’re having a class meeting.” Turning to look over his shoulder, he could see Kotone waving him over.  
  
“Coming.” He called back to her. He turned back to Akane. “I need to go now.”  
  
She pulled a face, mock crying. “I’m sad.”  
  
He patted her on the head, he was sad too. “Bye,” he said softly, for her ears only.  
  
“Yeah.” She called out in return. Smile back on her face. Shin turned and made his way back to the classroom, bouquet of flowers tucked under his arm. He would look after them for as long as possible, keep them alive as long as he could.  
  
He soon caught up with the other members of his class. Kakeru threw a hand over his shoulder. “Come on Shin, was it okay to just say bye to Akane-chan so lightly like that?”  
  
“It’s essential for guys to be light.” He was trying hard to be nonchalant; after all, he didn’t even know when he would see Akane again after this. After the celebrations tonight with his class, tomorrow he would be home packing, and then the day after he was driving up with his mum to what would be his new home.  
  
“Shin-chan!”  
  
He turned around at the call, Akane was giving him a proper wave now. Her right arm moving wildly through the air. She was bright again, unlike the way she had said goodbye just seconds before. She was the way he would always remember her, the way Shin would picture her, until he saw her again. _Bright_ , and when he locked eyes with her again, shining his favourite colour. Something he tried to keep in his mind even when he couldn’t see it, even when the colours weren’t there he tried calling it back in his memory.  
  
He slipped out from under Kakeru’s arm to match her wave. Arm held high in the air and a smile on his own face.

 

 

糖

 

 

High school was different to what Shin had expected. He had known that going to a patisserie school meant that it would be different to what he was used to, but even just being at a high school was different. The work was harder, and when the day was over, many people flooded into the kitchens.  
  
Where before he had been the only one, outside of his dad, who was interested in baking, here it was nearly everyone. Everyone loved it and was good at it. Shin felt so inadequate compared to others, especially when it came to their practicals. Without Akane there to beam with joy at his every creation, it was hard to feel confident in himself.  
  
He loved it though. Everyone’s passion for baking came out all the time. In classes, wherever possible, the thing they loved was applied. In maths using recipes and functions for sweets as examples; in science using baking to study gas dispersion, enzymatic browning, the Maillard reaction; in sociology they looked at the history of food and it’s impact on culture. At the dorms there was always someone in the kitchen. He had found out early on that curfew only meant being inside the dorm, there was no such thing as lights out, only what was known as quiet time: no loud noises between the hours of ten at night and six in the morning.  
  
It was a life Shin loved.  
  
When he received a call from Wakana, he had been initially surprised at how far through the year it had gotten. May already, a month and a half of his new life had flown by. He had been so busy keeping up with everything that he hadn’t even noticed. The next thing he was surprised by was how Wakana had even managed to contact him. He soon found out that she had been to his shop to ask how to contact him with a request.  
  
A request that he was delighted to fulfill.  
  
A birthday cake for Akane and Aoi.  
  
He was glad for Wakana’s call. Happy to have found that out. Firstly, because he now knew when their birthday was, it was something he had never asked Akane for. Secondly, it meant that he could make her a cake again. It had been so long since he had been able to do it. He would miss out on her reaction to the cake, even if he hoped, prayed, _deep down, knew_ that Akane would be delighted by it. Just thinking about it was enough for him, and after his time here so far, hopefully the cake would be one of his best.  
  
He wished that he could have taken the cake to Akane himself. As it was, he was not going to be able to visit home until the summer holidays. Even then, his priority would have to be for the dessert competition.  
  
It was with a small sense of embarrassment that he asked his mum to come and visit him for a day. She hadn’t given in until Shin gave her the reason, and when he had relented, spilled his heart out, he had heard her pass on the words. Likely to his father. Likely to his father in the bakery based on the loudness of the amused chuckles that filtered through the line. Did his parents really need to tell everyone that their _baby boy was all grown up now_?  
  
With safe delivery of the cake secured, Shin got to thinking about what cake he should make for Akane. It was summer, so that meant that something with a lot of summer fruits would be best. Something light, so that eating didn’t warm the person up too much. Something with fruit and cream and meringue ... and Shin knew what he was going to make.  
  
He made the cake a day in advance.  
  
When his mum arrived the next day, Shin asked for her help. He wanted to layer the fruit so that the colours were evenly spread on top. The only downside he could find of high school so far, was that he had not had any flashed of colour since arriving. It was the biggest shame, if he could add proper decorations to his cakes, then he could get extra credit in his dessert presentation. Instead, he had to be content with working hard to make sure the actual taste and texture was secure, another time he hoped that he would be able to focus on decorating. If it came on one day, that would be his first goal.  
  
Shin let his mum cut the fruit up to size, while he whipped the cream and layered it over the cake for the fruit to sit in. His mum arranged the fruit into a pattern on the bench, which she insisted looked good. Shin did his best to recreate the work on top of the cake that he had made, only changing it when it seemed like the melon cuts were going to topple over. For his own peace of mind he also added mint leaves to cover the lighter areas. It was his own addition, and he didn’t look for confirmation of whether it actually looked good.  
  
The last thing he made for the cake was a message plate. He rolled out the sugar, and cut out two ovals, one slightly smaller than the other. He stuck them together using the chocolate that he had melted for writing. Shin discovered whilst writing their names, that the small intricacies of kana and kanji were hard to do, even with the small piping tip he was using. He wrote _Happy Birthday!_ in english, purely because it was easier to write on. He drew a small pattern down the side, and then it was finished. He allowed the message to dry, and then sat it in the cake, being careful not to upset the delicate balance of fruit.  
  
His mum left after taking him out to eat dinner, with a hug and a kiss, as well as several instructions from Shin.  
  
“Put it in the fridge when you get home.”  
  
“Don’t let Kou and Yuu touch it. Don’t let them near it.”  
  
“Make sure dad knows that it’s not for the shop.”  
  
“Wakana is going to pick it up tomorrow. _Wakana_.”  
  
“Make sure that it stays in the fridge until she comes."  
  
“Don’t drop it or break it or let anyone eat it or touch it before Wakana.”  
  
In reply, she had only given him a rough pat on the head and a sigh.  
  
“You really are all grown up now.”  
  
He didn’t relax until the next day when his dad called to say that the cake had been picked up. He felt the stress melt away in one breath after hanging up the phone.  
  
He didn’t get another call about the cake. Nothing to say that it had been well received, or that Akane had smiled Shin’s favourite smile while eating it. He skipped over the fact that nobody would know what he was talking about if he mentioned the last part. He just had to hope and believe in the fact that she had enjoyed it.  
  
When school started on Monday, so did the teasing. Shin didn’t know how his classmates had heard that the cake he had made last week was for a girl back home, but suddenly everyone knew. He didn’t mind, he let them keep on thinking that he had a girlfriend back home. It was selfish, but he liked hearing Akane called that, even if it wasn’t true.  
  
Just like he believed that Akane had enjoyed her birthday cake, he had belief that one day she would be able to respond to his feelings.

 

 

糖

 

 

Shin could almost see the energy in his last homeroom for the semester. Everyone getting fidgety in their seats, waiting for it to end so they could leave. Another long homeroom, talking about how even though it was vacation they were still high school students and expected to act like it. They were still representatives of the school, so don’t make any trouble. It lasted a while, and Shin didn’t even know why the teachers tried so hard every single break with the same speech. The same speech they had been receiving for the end of every semester since grade school. Every one of them in the room would probably be able to recite it by heart after all these years.  
  
The last part, the last little announcement, was what he was most looking forward to. Information about the preliminaries for the high school dessert competition. They were being held close to where he lived. He could go home for the summer and practice for the competition, and also hopefully, see Akane again and make her sweets.  
  
Three months since he had last seen her, a month since he had last heard anything about her. He was so ready to actually see her again.  
  
When class finished and their teacher finally left the room there was a horde of people rushing for the door. Shin found himself laughing at the mess, before also participating in the second rush of people to leave. Others were still seated and packing things into their bags, but he was ready to go. He wasn’t catching the train until the next morning, but he wanted to go back to his room and pack his bag and be as ready as possible.  
  
He wouldn’t need to think at all tomorrow, just get himself on the train.  
  
Karaoke, home, sleep, train.  
  
He was heading home again.  
  
Shin let himself into his house through the backdoor, avoiding the bakery and anyone else. He just needed to drop off his bags and then he could be gone again.  
  
Unfortunately he was caught.  
  
“Hey, don’t just drop your bags here!” He apologised to his mum in his head, but if he stopped for too long she definitely wouldn’t let him out again.  
  
“I’ll take it up to my room later.”  
  
She stood in the doorway, hands on her hips in an intimidating pose. He would have been scared of it when he was younger, but for now he had more important things to do.  
  
“You just came home, where are you going now?” Another telepathic apology, if only he could make them work. She was his mum, she would understand. “Shin!”  
  
“I’m going to take a little walk!”  
  
He left after that, he didn’t want her to try and make him stay home. He would be home for a few weeks, a couple of hours wouldn’t change that. She could mother him all that she like in that time until he left again. Also, he had just spent two hours on a train, he really did want some fresh air before he ended up straight back inside again.  
  
True to his word, he didn’t stay out for too long. He really had just wanted some fresh air, the air of the place he had grown up. To walk the streets that he was so familiar with, but that he hadn’t been on for months.  
  
When he got back home he took to the kitchen instead of the prep room, that way his mum couldn’t complain. She joined him, and they caught up while he searched for the utensils that he needed. Bowls, plates, whisk, spatula, moulds, cookie cutter. A gift pack for Akane for the summer. She had to love cookies, she had made him some. When he had the equipment and the ingredients ready, his mum left him to sit at the dining table with a mug of tea to watch him work.  
  
She had always said that she felt proud of him whenever she got to watch him work at what he loved.  
  
That night, for the first time in a long time, he ate dinner at the table with his family. Shin found it amazing, how eating like this with just the five of them seemed somehow louder than eating at the dorm with over a hundred people. It might also have just been tonight that it was so loud at the small table. His brothers were both loudly declaring their plans for the break. Which meant that his dad needed to talk over them in order to talk to Shin about how his school had been, and to tell him how the shop had been doing and all of his plans for the future. _Dear that’s still a few years away_. It was fun.  
  
The next morning Shin woke early, being in his own room again sending him back to a routine he had nearly forgotten. Instead of working in the shop he decided to go shopping, he wanted to make Akane sweets, but he also needed to prepare and practice for his competition.  
  
“Oji-chan!” That meant practicing sauces and syrups and jellies. “Can I have some of these grapes?” He knew people who used canned fruit to bake, but he would always prefer his fruit fresh.  
  
He had an empty backpack with him, but he was hoping to have it filled with fresh produce by the time he was ready to head back home. He waited at the front of the shop until the owner came out to help him.  
  
“Oh, it’s been a while.” In just a few words, the shopkeeper had made him feel at home. He had come here all the time to shop for fruit for the shop, it felt foreign to stand here again after not visiting for so long.  
  
Sometimes people felt more like home than places did.  
  
“Yes, I’ve been waiting to have these fruit again.”  
  
“You’re saying sweet things as always Shin.”  
  
He had to smile at that. _Sweet_ , that was what most of the older people in the town called him. Most saying that because he had grown up in the shop his parents had raised him like their pastries and not as a child. He didn’t really understand it, the same had never been said of his brothers, but he always smiled when it came up. He was sure that it was meant as a compliment, that was how to chose to receive it.  
  
“I’ll be making jelly with these!” He told the owner.  
  
They liked hearing what was going to be made of their food in the bakery. Often, when it was his dad out shopping it resulted in the shopkeepers coming into the bakery, buying up what their wares had been made into. They tended to enjoy the pies best knowing that they had been baked with the food that they had grown themselves.  
  
It was a nice way in which the community remained close knit.  
  
“Take this too,” Shin was handed some apples, “and these too.” More fruit was added to his pile, plump and ripe under his fingers when he ran them over the skin.  
  
“Wow!”  
  
“But Shin, why are you here?” He was carrying a box of fruit through the store as he talked, stopping in front of Shin to wait for an answer. “Ah, it’s summer vacation so you came home!” Turned out that he had found the answer without Shin needed to voice it. He pulled out his wallet to pay, and the shopkeeper put down the box he had been carrying to step behind the register.  
  
Shin’s vision shook as he replied. “Yes, there is someone that I’d like to meet too.” He finished his sentence, and then realised what had happened. The shop had flooded. Colour bleeding into life amongst the crates of fruit. Bright shades of reds and greens and purple showing themselves in front of him. He spun where he stood, he had missed this, missed this colour in his life. It had been so long. The world around him was shining, the sky a soft blue, fluffy clouds over the horizon, the bright colours of the shopping district, the sun blazing golden in the sky and skipping along the street in front of him in a blue dress.  
  
_Akane_.  
  
It had been so long since he had seen her, and the last place he had expected to happen upon her was in the middle of the arcade while he was out shopping for ingredients. He should have put more faith in fate.  
  
Akane soon disappeared around the corner, and Shin had to shake himself back into his current task. “Sorry, sorry.” He called to the shopkeeper, who had bent down to help him retrieve his coins. Shin had been waved off with a smile, a laugh, and a promise to visit again before he went back to school. He agreed, making his way to other shops before heading home.  
  
The only thought in his mind was Akane.  
  
He hadn’t expected to run into her at all. It made him want to actually meet her again sooner. Maybe when he had finished what he had planned for today he could go out and search for her again. His parents wouldn’t let him out again unless he could show that he had put some work towards his competition.  
  
He could find her later, believe in fate to push them together again.  
  
He took up work in the prep room today, he needed more space than what was available in the kitchen. Luckily his dad had long finished all of his own preparations by the time Shin was back. Shin was even able to put away everything that he had bought today into a cupboard that had been specially cleaned out for him - being a high schooler had its perks.  
  
He kept the grapes out, and also pulled out some pectin and a bag of sugar.  
  
The grapes went straight into a bowl to be washed. The water running over them was cold, and made Shin wince when he had to stick his hands under the stream in order to pluck the stems off. It had been refreshing at first, but then it had started to get too cold. When he thought they were clean enough, he fed the grapes into a juicer. From there he moved the grape juice to a pot on the stove, added pectin and sugar to the juice and turned the stove on to heat it up.  
  
His arms ached from stirring the mixture, and once it started boiling he added in some more sugar.  
  
He tasted it, then added in another cup of sugar, tried it again, then added another cup more.  
  
He needed the perfect sweetness.  
  
Once Shin thought he had found it, he worked on getting the mixture to boil again. Then he poured the jelly mixture into the jars he had arranged and pushed the buzzer on the bench. He struggled to shift a much larger pot onto the stove, mostly full of water. He set it to boil, transferred the jars into the pot, and added more water to fill it up.  
  
His dad came back to the prep room after five minutes, Shin only watched as his dad took the jars out from the boiling water. He had watched this process countless times in his life, but had never been the one to complete this penultimate step, as he had always been too young. Today was different, if he hurt his hands, he would have a hard time preparing for the competition. So he had caved and listened to his dad when he had said that he would do it. It wasn’t exactly a big step, he wasn't missing out on enough of the process that he would feel like the jelly wasn’t his.  
  
Sometimes he felt like that, and he hated it.  
  
He stored the jars in the cupboard that he had been left, and then it took him an hour to clean up the room and wash up. It was worth it, when he had finished, the prep room was pretty and sparkling. It was one of his favourite places, the prep room, especially like this: empty and sparkling and waiting to be used. As a child, after fights with his brothers, his mum had always known to find him down there, sat down under the bench.  
  
Now that he had finished what he needed to for the day, he donned an apron and went to relieve his dad from the shop front. Most of the customers that came in throughout the afternoon wanted to talk to him; firstly welcoming him back to town, and then wanting to know how his new life was at high school. As he was cleaning down the all the counters at the end of the day, Shin was sure that half the town would soon know what he had been up to over the last three months, all the regulars were just too talkative.  
  
When he had deemed his work done, he ripped off his apron and sprinted upstairs to the home kitchen. There, his mum was working on dinner, and Shin was sure that she had meant to say something to him, but after seeing him pick up the box of cookies he had baked yesterday she had simply ruffled his hair as he moved back past her again. It didn’t take a mothers intuition to know where he was headed now.  
  
Shin called out a farewell as he toed into his shoes and dashed out the back door. Now it would be up to his own intuition to find Akane, so he could give her his homecoming present.  
  
Hr tried to think of where Akane could be. If Aoi had his way, Shin was sure that Akane would have spent her day studying. Shin had also seen Akane this morning, heading in the direction of the public library. He figured that was as good a place as any to start his search.  
  
It was a dead end. The library was closed.  
  
He wasn’t deterred, the red string of fate was pulling him along.  
  
He had been walking for only five minutes after leaving the library, lost in thoughts of whether it would have been better just to visit Akane’s home when he stumbled upon her.  
  
Shin had been past here this morning as well, and really, he should have known that Akane would be drawn to food of any kind. Especially that which appeared to be handing itself over to her freely.  
  
He walked up behind her, and watched her pull off a handful of raspberries from the bush that was growing through the fence. She looked at them in her hands, brought them to her nose, and then quickly ate them.  
  
“Delicious!”  
  
He could hear her now that he was closer. For Shin, hearing that word was more of a welcome home than anything else so far. That was one thing he had especially missed at school, Akane’s appraisal of his food. That word, not even directed at him, settled something deep in his chest.  
  
He smiled.  
  
He loved her and it was a fact.  
  
She was home.  
  
“You’re the same as ever Akane-chan.” He called out to her, watching as she turned to see who had called out. He watched as recognition dawned in her eyes. His favourite colour, how he had missed it. “Glutton.”  
  
She almost seemed to have frozen at his appearance.  
  
“These are raspberries,” he pointed to the bush, and the red stains that had made themselves a home on her fingers. Based on what he had seen of Akane when she picked them off, he was sure that she hadn’t actually known what it was that she had eaten. “They taste good if you put them in yoghurt, and eat it cold.”  
  
“Shin-cha—“ she had found her voice again.  
  
“But Akane-chan, this is another persons property.” This time he leaned against the fence that the bush was growing out through, watching as comprehension of what she had done filled Akane’s face.  
  
“Eh!” She shot up once it had settled in, hand coming up to cover her mouth, which did nothing to hide what she had done considering her stained fingers. “I ate them!” She said in a hushed voice, seemingly mortified at what she had done.  
  
“How many?”  
  
“Five? No, six.” She looked up at him, wide eyes filled with worry. Her black hole of a stomach had been destined to get her in trouble one of these days.  
  
“Six could become dangerous.”  
  
Shin mirrored her worry in his own eyes. Hand coming up to cover his mouth to hide the smile he could feel building up, hopefully she hadn’t seen.  
  
He knew the people that lived here. Knew that they would have no problem with Akane taking a couple of raspberries to eat. The Asakura’s grew many fruits in their home, and often brought it to them shop to have something made of it when they would no longer be able to enjoyed fresh. They didn’t like it when their fruit went to waste. In a way Akane was helping them, he wouldn’t tell her that though.  
  
“What should I do?” Shin’s smile dropped at the look on her face.  
  
“…What?”  
  
“Run away!”  
  
It was almost like a switch had been flicked. Akane said the words, and Shin could see the way her body geared up to follow them through. She grasped his hand and dragged him along. He ran next to her, and then found himself in the lead, dragging her by the hand behind him.  
  
They stopped when Akane dragged his hand back, dropping to her knees afterwards.  
  
He couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled it’s way up his throat.  
  
“Sorry, it’s going to be fine. The people living there are nice.”  
  
Where just moments ago she had looked like a cat ready to run, his words this time caused her to sink back into herself. He watched as she took a few deep breaths before locking eyes with him.  
  
Shin had to swallow a gasp himself, just at having all of that attention on him.  
  
Akane rubbed at her eyes.  
  
She was staring still, apart from when she had rubbed at her eyes she had yet to blink.  
  
She rubbed at her eyes, and went back to staring at him.  
  
“What are you doing? Your eyes are getting red!”  
  
He grasped at her hands as she went to rub at her eyes yet another time.  
  
“Shin-chan.”  
  
He almost jumped at the way she said his name. Voice low, as if she didn’t quite believe that he was really there, even though they had been talking for a while now.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Ah! It’s Shin-chan!” She had tears in her eyes now, although he couldn’t tell if she was crying or if it was from when she had been rubbing at her eyes. “Shin-chan!” She wailed again. “I’m not dreaming, it’s not an illusion!”  
  
“I’m really here.” He brought his hand to his head, playing with his hair. He hadn’t expected this kind of a reaction. Without wanting it, he heard a bout of nervous laughter escape. He talked over it to cover it up. “You’re so happy that it makes me a little embarrassed.”  
  
There was a pause, a brief moment in which Shin enjoyed just standing there with her silently. He thought that he would like to do this with Akane all the time. It was nice just to be with her again. Her presence energised him, as much as he was confused by the way she cycled through emotions. At least she had stopped crying now.  
  
“Hmm.”  
  
Shin looked up at her at the sound.  
  
But then Akane’s face was in his and he needed to step back before he tried something else.  
  
She followed him.  
  
“Eh?”  
  
She broke into a smile. “Ah! It was your scent! You smell really sweet Shin-chan!”  
  
“What?” He could finally step away from her. He picked up his shirt in his hands and smelled it. He didn’t think that it smelled like anything in particular. “A guy with a sweet scent isn’t good.”  
  
“But you do smell sweet!” She was insistent.  
  
He tried smelling his shirt again, lifting it higher to see if there was something that he had missed, almost knocking his backpack off as he tried to see if it was something on the back of the shirt.  
  
_Right_.  
  
“Could it be this?”  
  
He was quick to tug his bag off and pull the box out from within. He carefully took the lid off and the reaction was immediate.  
  
“Ah!” Shin watched as Akane’s face lit up once at the realisation that she was being presented with food. It was night time, but she still managed to emit a certain glow just with her happiness.  
  
“What is this sparkling thing?”  
  
“It’s a cookie with icing.” She picked it up out of the box. “I made these because I wanted to give them to you.”  
  
“Really, can I eat it?”  
  
“Yes, please do.”  
  
She took a bite of the cookie, and then was silent. Chewing silently, eating silently.  
  
Shin was fidgeting where he stood, he needed to know if she liked it, and here she was being silent.  
  
“Akane-chan?”  
  
“It’s Shin-chan’s flavour…”  
  
“Hmm?” Was that a good thing or a bad thing? He hadn’t thought he had put anything in the biscuits besides vanilla. Had the vanilla actually been something else? He should have tried one himself before boxing them up. What if the flour had been off… or the sugar? How could he have given Akane a present that tasted bad, she would never trust his baking again. He would have to—  
  
“It’s my favourite flavour!”  
  
He felt himself relax, he hadn’t even realised how tense he had been. Akane’s face exploded into the grin he had engrained into his memory from the first time she had tried something of his.  
  
“You really haven’t changed at all Akane-chan.” He smiled back at her. He was Akane’s favourite flavour. His cookies were her favourite cookies. His baking was her favourite.  
  
He was her favourite flavour.  
  
“Shin-chan, you also haven’t changed. You’re still the same!” She was laughing at him.  
  
“Speaking of which,” he held a hand over his head. “I grew by one point three centimetres!” He was overjoyed by every single millimetre.  
  
“Really?”  
  
He was underwhelmed by every single millimetre.  
  
“I really did!”  
  
“I couldn’t tell.”  
  
“Akane-chan!”  
  
“Ayumu!” Akane turned away to look at the new person who had shown up, and Shin followed her gaze.  
  
“What are you doing? Where’s Aoi-kun?”  
  
“Aoi and Karin were studying together so I went to the library.”  
  
Shin watched as the guy’s eyes darkened. “I see. And you?”  
  
“Right. Shin-chan and Ayumu!” Akane proudly proclaimed, holding a palm out to each of them as she called their names.  
  
“Too little information.” Ayumu growled.  
  
Shin laughed, it was easy to tell that he had been spending time with Akane. “I’m Kiritani Shin,” he could at least introduce himself properly, and hopefully not be called Shin-chan by at least one of Akane’s friends. “I’m a first year in high school and my parents own a cake shop.”  
  
“I’m Matsuura Ayumu, I’m in the same grade as Akane-chan.”  
  
There was no way that Akane would ever think to look at him if she was always surrounded by these attractive tall boys. He would need to thank the gods that he had been born to his parents, how would he have kept Akane in his life if not for the things he made.  
  
“Ayumu is my best friend!” Akane said cheerfully.  
  
Ayumu scolded her for saying it, but to Shin he looked delighted at Akane’s admission.  
  
He watched on as they talked about studying.

Then they left, Shin falling into step beside her. He didn’t know where exactly he was heading, but this was all he wanted out of life, to walk side by side with the girl he adored. She was humming along to a song about _home_ , and Shin could only think that one day he would like to make his home with this girl.  
  
“Speaking of studying, did you decide which high school you wanted to go to?”  
  
She hastily sticks up her hand. “What an interesting question Shin-chan!” She imitates the beat of a drum roll, much to his amusement. “I have decided to go to Ryokusei High School!”  
  
“Oh!” Is his first reaction, and then shock. “Ryokusei? Isn’t that one really hard to get into?”  
  
It doesn’t deter her at all. She smiles, “I’m going to the same school as Aoi!”  
  
“Wow, Akane-chan are you good at studying?” He’s impressed. He had never been that good at studying. He probably couldn’t have gotten into his own high school if he hadn’t gotten in the way he had, the entrance exam for it was hard. He would never have even tried to apply to Ryokusei if he had decided to go to a local high school. It was far too out of his reach.  
  
“Shin-chan, you also think it’s impossible for me don’t you.”  
  
He didn’t think that at all, and he told her so. “I think you’re really brave!”  
  
“I’ll definitely pass!”  
  
Shin believed in her. She had studied all day today, she still wanted to chase after Aoi when most people laughed at her for trying. Akane was amazing.  
  
“You can do it Akane-chan.” The words that she had once said to him, encouraging him. “I was so happy to hear it when you said those words to me.”  
  
The smile had been wiped off of her face, she didn’t look upset though, simply awed. Perhaps surprised to hear someone believe in her rather than simply telling her it was too much to hope for.  
  
“Is Aoi-kun doing well?”  
  
This time she did frown. “He is.”  
  
Shin laughed. “You two still have such a good relationship.”  
  
Akane didn’t look any happier at being told that.  
  
“There’s a big tournament coming up for me soon.”  
  
“For sweets there’s a tournament?” Akane looked elated, she would. It was definitely something that would get her excited.  
  
“Yes, for high schoolers. The preliminary round is here, which is why I came back.” He turned away. Gazing off to what he could see of the horizon. “I’ll definitely win.”  
  
Akane was silent for all of a heart beat.  
  
“You’re so cool Shin-chan.” He looked to her, and she was smiling. “Dazzling.” How could she that that when she was the one who seemed to be lending the moon her light. “I’ll be rooting for you, and I’ll be in charge of testing the food!”  
  
He had been going to say something back. Perhaps even make another attempt at saying everything he ever thought about her.  
  
Instead, before his mouth could get ahead of him, the sky had erupted. Fireworks bursting out across the sky, Shin hadn’t even known that there was a festival tonight. If he had, he could have invited Akane to that with him, even though this was nice as well. This way he didn’t need to share his time with her amongst her friends.  
  
“So pretty, it’s a little far away though.”  
  
“I didn’t think I would be able to see it this year, I’m so happy!” Akane jumped up from her seat, and Shin tore his gaze from the fireworks to see the colours they made in the sky reflected in her eyes. Red, purple, green, green, green. “Even better, I was able to see them with you Shin-chan!”  
  
He didn’t know who had reached for who, it was probably Akane. Their hands were clasped together between them, and Akane was looking at him now too. Eyes still catching the colours of the fireworks blooming into the sky beyond them.  
  
He tripped over his words, how could he talk normally when she was this close, and looking at him with such excitement in her eyes. “I’m- I’m glad.”  
  
He took a step forward, today of all days he could be brave. This moment, of all moments, he could be brave.  
  
“Most most of all, I wanted to see you Akane-chan.” There was no space between them, their still clasped hands were pressing against his chest, he bumped his forehead gently with Akane’s. This was the moment to say what he thought; all day, every day, all the time. “It’s when you tell me that my cakes are delicious, more than anything else, I get courage from that.”  
  
Her eyes were wide again, face flushed. Distantly Shin was also aware that the fireworks had stopped - they had missed most of it. Staring at each other instead.  
  
Shin thought it was a better view.  
  
He pulled back. “If I didn’t say that clearly you would have never realised my feelings all your life. That’s what I learned when I was apart from you.” He had to take a deep breath afterwards, it was a lot to say. His chest felt tight, and his entire being felt hot even though it had cooled considerably after the sun had gone down. She flushed further, and he liked the rosy tint it gave to her cheeks.  
  
She had those eyes on him. Gleaming in the light from the sky. He loved this girl so much, he hoped that she would always be around to tell him that his cakes were delicious. Shin would make her all the cakes in the world to get her to smile at him.  
  
Keeping a hold of Akane’s hand, he slung his backpack back over one shoulder. The fireworks had finished, and it was dark. It was probably long past when Akane had been expected home. “I’ll walk you home.” His parents would be so proud if they could see what a gentleman he was being.  
  
The walk home was silent, but he didn’t find it uncomfortable. Akane’s presence was as wonderful in silence as it was in all of her noise.  
  
“Goodnight,” Shin said, once they had reached her front gate.  
  
“Thanks for walking me home Shin-chan.”  
  
“Yeah, say hello to Aoi-kun for me.”  
  
He watched her walk up to the door, waiting for her to go inside before he left.  
  
“I’ll be here during the whole summer vacation.” He called out to her before she could go inside.  
  
She turned around with a smile, letting herself into the house. Shin knew that she had caught his unspoken promise: they would see each other again, he would bake for her again.  
  
_This was not a long goodbye._

 

 

糖

 

 

Shin woke up early to watch his dad bake in the morning, and then took over the morning customers so that his dad could have his break early for once. It was slow, even through the rush of people. Their usual morning customers wanting to greet Shin and ask how high school was doing, even though the register of the bakery in the early morning rush was not the best place for that kind of conversation.  
  
He found his words repeated to every customer.  
  
“Yes, it’s nice to be home.”  
  
“I’ll be here most of the summer.”  
  
“High school has been fun.”  
  
That was the most of what they were after. One lady came in asking about the girlfriend she had heard so much about, and Shin thought she might have him confused with one of his brothers, although he hadn’t heard that either of them had any kind of girlfriend worth mentioning.  
  
Once the rush had ended, he was left to refill the displays, and reorganise them based on what was likely to sell during the lunch time. Midmorning's generally weren’t a busy time, sometime parents and their children came in to seat down and eat, elderly couples had cakes with a pot of tea. It wasn’t ever rushed though, these people were here to relax. They didn’t have to be anywhere in a hurry.  
  
It was nice, it was soothing.  
  
It didn’t help him prepare any for his competition.  
  
It didn’t distract him from looking at the door every five minutes to wonder if Akane would come through, perhaps with Aoi as they had the first time, perhaps on her own as she had at new years.  
  
She never came, she was probably busy studying, and he hated himself a little bit that he wanted her to not be studying just so that he could see her.  
  
He was on the path to his dream now, he shouldn't begrudge Akane for studying hard so that she could follow hers too.  
  
Even if he was only going to be in town for a couple of weeks.  
  
He didn’t end up working for long, only partway through the morning his mum came down to take over for him, letting him get back to testing for his competition.  
  
He moved into the prep room, opened up the fridge and looked for the jelly that he had left to set. It still hadn’t set fully, and perhaps it never would now. It had been left for the time the recipe had given him, maybe it had needed more pectin. Maybe the grapes had been juicier than the ones used to make the recipe up. He dipped a spoon in to taste it. There were small pieces of grape still in it, which he hadn’t even noticed the day before, and when he lifted the spoon, only a small amount remained in the curve, while much of it dripped off the sides and back into the jar.  
  
A failure.  
  
He tasted it.  
  
_Failure_.  
  
The wrong texture, the flavour volatiles boiled off completely. It was bland. It was slimy. It only tasted of sugar syrup.  
  
Shin hung his head and sunk into a stool in front of the bench. He longed to throw himself over the bench and just lie there for a while, to contemplate his life choices. Why had he thought this would be a good idea. The recipe had been simple, he had watched his dad do this for all of Shin’s life. Why couldn’t he do it?  
  
He didn’t actually drape himself across the table, if he was caught he would never be allowed in the prep room again.  
  
He could picture Akane as she had been the night before, declaring that she would cheer him on, and also taste his food. He would never let Akane anywhere near this. It would shatter all the trust she had in him to do well, to make her nice food. If even Akane gave up on believing in him then what was even left?  
  
Luckily he was distracted from his thoughts with the ringing of the work phone. An order? At least he could take his mind off things by filling in paper work.  
  
“Yes, this is—“  
  
“ _Shin-chan_!”  
  
The voice was a loud whine through the phone, and Shin hastily pulled the device away from his ear. If that was who he thought it was, that would also serve to distract him. He carefully put the device back up to his ear.  
  
“ _I want to meet you, but I can’t_!”  
  
It was definitely Akane, had she never learnt to introduced herself first when calling someone? What if she had called ten minutes earlier when Shin had been out the front and his mum had answered? That was a terrifying thought. Although, it was also nice to know that she wanted to see him too.  
  
A loud thump filtered it’s way down through the line, and then Shin was met with a low _beep beep beep_ , that let him know the phone had just hung up.  
  
“Akane-chan?” He said to the receiver anyway, just in case, just to make sure, just because he had not expected it but he would have liked to keep talking to her.  
  
No good, she was definitely gone.  
  
He looked back down at the pale jelly that he had made, if he could even keep calling it that. It had lost most of it’s purple colour it had held the day before. It looked sickly, only the faintest of the grape colour still remaining, otherwise it was just a cloudy mess.  
  
He still had some fruit from yesterday. He wouldn’t let Akane anywhere near his attempt at jelly, and maybe later if he wasn’t too ashamed of himself he could ask his dad for help with finding where he went wrong.  
  
For now, Akane needed to study and wanted to see him. He could make some food and go over to her house and make her something. If she couldn’t see him then he could go and see her. Give her something to taste, and that way it meant that he was studying too.  
  
He picked out some dark red apples from his stock that he had picked up the day before, some blueberries, and raspberries, like the ones he had caught Akane eating yesterday. He could make something for her with this. He could make a fruit sauce, then serve it with the fruit and something else. Shin grabbed another jar of his attempted jelly. It hadn’t worked as jelly, but it was thick enough, to use as a base for a sauce, and the flavour was barely there, so he wouldn't need to worry about the flavour carrying over.  
  
He could work something out, even if it was another thing that went wrong, it only meant that day one had been a flop, and he was better prepared on what not to make at least.  
  
With something planned, he packed the fruit into a bag, and hoped that it wouldn’t be bad manners for him to use something in Akane’s house to make the rest of the meal. At the very worst he could perhaps get Aoi to side with him that it was to make up for all the food that he had given Akane over the last few months without her paying for anything but one christmas cake.  
  
He ripped off the apron from his waist to hang up, and ran upstairs to get changed.  
  
Shin left through the front of the shop, letting his mum know that he was going out, then had to head around the side alley in order to pick up his bike.  
  
He slung the bag of fruit over the handlebars, and was careful not to have it bump around too much with his pedalling. It was a nice day to ride his bike through town. It was hot, the sun was burning golden in the sky, which was nice a solid blue. There was a haze of heat over the pavement, and he could feel the sweat drip down his neck  
  
It was a nice day, and it was a good omen.  
  
In a few minutes he was back at Akane’s house. It was different during the day, to how it had been last night.  
  
Last night he had dropped Akane off home and it hadn’t seemed like a big deal at all. Now he was standing in front of the gate and reminded of the last time he had stood outside here with something he had made for Akane.  
  
That had been a disaster.  
  
That had been six months ago.  
  
This time he wouldn’t run away.  
  
He jumped off his bike, and wheeled it to the side to lean it against the brick rather than the gate. He took the plastic bag off the handle, and took a deep breath. He only needed to ring the bell now, he could do this.  
  
“Do you have some business with our family?”  
  
He couldn’t do it, but at least now he didn’t have to.  
  
He could get through this, he didn’t need to run away.  
  
Shin turned around to where the voice had come from, spotting a woman leading a young girl by the hand towards the gate where Shin stood. This was perhaps Akane’s mum, and he hadn’t heard anything about a little sister, but the girl definitely resembled her two older siblings if that was the case. If it wasn’t the case, Shin was projecting.  
  
“Yes.” He answered her.  
  
He introduces himself, still standing outside the gate. “Kiritani Shin, I came here to see Akane-chan.” He keeps his head bowed until she starts speaking.  
  
“Kajiya Ayaka, and this is Ichika.” She bows her head, and the little girl beside her does as well, it’s cute. “Are you the Shin-chan that I’ve been hearing about?”  
  
He has been talked about? “Yes, I think so.”  
  
She smiles at him, he can see how Akane has inherited this smile, although Ayaka’s is not quite as blinding, Ayaka’s doesn’t take over her whole face.  
  
“Come in then, Aoi probably has her studying but I’m sure that she would like a break.”  
  
She instructs Shin to wheel his bike through the gate to keep it off the street, and then he follows Ayaka up to the front door. He’s never been this far before. He hasn’t even had the urge to run away. He really can do it.  
  
Ayaka opens the door, and Shin calls out a low _pardon the intrusion_ , even as Ayaka lets out a bellow informing the house at large that she is home. Aoi and another boy come to greet her from the living area, although Aoi halts in his path to the door at seeing Shin there too.  
  
“What did he bring?” He asks.  
  
“I brought fruit and sauce, I thought I could make something, but it looks like everyone is busy.”  
  
Ayaka looks from the bag Shin is holding to Aoi and back again. Then lets go of Ichika’s hand, who runs off deeper into the house, she points at Aoi. “We owe Shin-chan for food don’t we.”  
  
She is loud just like Akane is loud, she probably needs to be in order for Akane to listen to her.  
  
“Akane never stops eating.” Is Aoi’s reply. Shin doesn’t understand if this is a conversation he is meant to be able to follow. It seems like he’s missing half the dialogue, but the other boy in the hall with them doesn’t look confused at all.  
  
Ayaka turns back to him. “If you want you can make pancakes Shin-chan, we have the ingredients.”  
  
He nods, he’s happy that he was able to get what he wanted without actually having to ask for it. He would never have been able to do it with Akane’s mum at home, he wanted to make a good impression, and demanding use of the kitchen is not the best way to do that. Having it offered to him means that he has another way in which he can make a good impression though.  
  
“If you have enough I can make enough for everyone?”  
  
“The girls are here too.” Aoi says.  
  
“Okay, follow me and we’ll go let Akane know that you’re here.”  
  
He follows down the corridor and up the stairs, at the top of the stairs he can hear the girls talking. Can tell which door leads to Akane’s room.  
  
He can hear Akane talking.  
  
“Shin-chan’s cookies are sweet and nice, when I eat them my heart is instantly filled with happiness.”  
  
Shin feels like his own heart is filled with happiness at hearing his cookies described that way. In two seconds he no longer cares about the mess that was his attempt at jam. Akane would always make him feel better, even if she didn’t know that she was doing it.  
  
“Somehow that’s like love isn't it?” Shin can’t tell whose voice the words belong to, but they make him feel warm.  
  
Ayaka opens the door, and Shin watches as the three girls inside look up at him, his eyes are locked instantly onto Akane’s.  
  
“Akane, Shin-chan is here.”  
  
He can’t make himself enter the room, he stands in the doorway, frozen. The three girls are looking at him, and he feels hot because of what he just heard. He wants to know which one of them were telling Akane that it was Shin’s love that she was tasting in the cookies. He wants to thank them, he wants them to keep trying harder.  
  
Shin just wants Akane to really understand how much she motivates him, and makes him believe in himself, and that the way she described his cookies had made his entire life. He would trade all the colours in the world if he could have a recording of it, something he could play to himself every day, listen to all the time to remind him why he’s trying so hard. Why he wants to win the competition. So that he can be the best for Akane. So that she won’t find something better. So that even if she never returns his feelings, he will always have this with her.  
  
He probably wouldn’t trade all the colours, he wants the keep the exact shade of her eyes.  
  
“Shin-chan!” She calls out, and there her eyes are gleaming in that shade. He loves it, it means that she’s happy. His favourite colour is her happiness. “Shin-chan, Shin-chan! You came to visit! Why? Why?”  
  
He came to visit because he received a strange phone call from her, and even though it’s been less than a day since he said goodnight, he had wanted to see her again.  
  
There are too many people around for him to say that.  
  
“I thought I would come and make some refreshments.” He picks an apple out from the bag he’s still holding and smiles.  
  
Now all of the girls are looking up at him wide-eyed. Akane must have talked his skills up a lot for them to do that. He hasn’t ever made the others anything, unless they had tried some of the things he had made for Akane before, but that shouldn’t garner that great of a reaction.  
  
“Right, so anyone who wants food needs to come downstairs.” Ayaka shoos them all out of the room. They all sit down at the table, which Shin is surprised fits so many people. Ayaka hands Shin a frying pan, a chopping board and a knife, asking if he needs anything else while handing him a spatula.  
  
He asks for a bowl and a whisk, Ayaka passes them over and says he can use anything in the kitchen that he wants, because she planned on doing groceries later today anyway.  
  
He feels a little guilty at rummaging through somebody else’s things, but he pulls out the ingredients for making the pancake batter, and even finds a box of strawberries in the fridge which he double checks if it is okay for him to use.  
  
He makes pancakes for eight people, even though he isn’t really hungry, he thinks it would be weird to make it for everyone else but not have any himself. Ayaka cuts up the fruit for decoration, and pours over syrup. Shin plates up Akane’s himself, she has his test syrup. He hasn’t tried it himself yet, so he’s a bit nervous.  
  
But he was nervous about actually coming inside this house today, and so far that has ended up well.  
  
Someone calls out that everything is ready, and Aoi comes to join them at the table from where Shin can only guess that he had been studying rather than watching him cook like the girls had.  
  
He hangs back, doesn’t grab a plate to eat until Shin offers him a plate. He’s kind of amazed, even though this is Aoi’s house, Aoi seems more awkward about this than Shin feels now. Although it is a bit strange for a guest to come in and cook a meal for everyone in the house, which included other guests.  
  
He’s so busy convincing Aoi to eat, and then watching him sit down to eat, that for once he hasn’t been watching Akane.  
  
He should have been, she’s the one with his homemade syrup.  
  
His attention is forced on her when he hears Wakana talking to her.  
  
“What’s wrong Akane? You stopped eating.”  
  
Shin turns from where he’s still stood near Aoi, she really has stopped eating. She doesn’t look like she’s enjoying the food at all. This syrup was a miss as well. He probably shouldn’t have built it up from another thing he made which had failed. It was built on failure.  
  
“Somehow this isn’t Shin-chan’s flavour.” Akane says. “It’s delicious, but it doesn’t taste like Shin-chan.”  
  
This time at least, Shin doesn’t feel too bad about it. He wants to make something which Akane will like, this is not it. There is still a little while until it needs to be perfected. Today he can just enjoy this atmosphere.  
  
“What are you saying? It’s delicious, eat up.” He’s glad to know that the others are enjoying the food. They were just basic pancakes, Akane had been the only one given the different flavour.  
  
“I’m sorry Akane-chan.” He pulls the plate from her hands, her eyes have lost their lustre, she almost looks upset at saying that the food is bad. “Don’t eat anymore.” He can swap it out for the plate he made for himself, that’s the same as what everybody else was eating. It still won’t be his flavour, but it’ll be better than eating a failed flavour.  
  
He goes to tell her that hers was different, because she still looks upset. Although that might just be at having the plate of food being taken from her.  
  
Instead she flees from the room.  
  
He calls out for her to wait, she doesn’t, and instead he’s left to watch her run through the doorway. He waits a moments, and then realising that she isn’t going to come back he follows after her.  
  
She can only be in her room. Shin knocks on the door and calls out her name, but there’s no response. Silence.  
  
“Earlier it was different—“ If she won’t open the door, he can try to talk to her through it. Let her know that it doesn’t matter if she didn’t like the food. She was unknowingly testing it, and it had been helpful.  
  
He’s interrupted again, this time by Aoi brushing up at his side to open the bedroom door.  
  
“Eh?” Shin can’t just walk in there. “Aoi-kun?”  
  
He looks at Shin, and while Aoi still doesn’t have an easy face to read, it is not closed off this time. He means what he says, and that’s all.  
  
“Go in, if she’s like this she won’t be able to focus on studying and that’s troublesome.”  
  
They’re twins, if Aoi is giving him permission to enter Akane’s room then it is _almost_ like Akane is giving him permission to enter.  
  
Shin turns back to the doorway, and takes a step in. He can hear Aoi walking back to the kitchen, Shin only hopes that this didn’t put the others off their food. He would like for them to enjoy it.  
  
Akane’s room is colourful. Light pastel colours over everything, the walls, the bed, all the decorations. The colourful person that is Akane is nowhere to be seen though.  
  
“Akane-chan?”  
  
Had she climbed down the window? It was open.  
  
There’s a creaking sound and a door edges open at the side of the room. Akane’s wardrobe. Shin walks slowly over to stand in front of it.  
  
He opens the door further, and is shocked to see Akane sitting inside. Head to her drawn up knees, and her hair covering her face. Shin has made her this upset, all because he had tried to keep the dessert testing a surprise. It’s his fault.  
  
There’s a cat sat next to her, milky white with a blue ribbon around its neck. At least she wasn’t alone in here.  
  
“Akane-chan.”  
  
“Shin-chan,” he’s interrupted again. “I’m sorry, you gave your best making its for me, and I…” She cuts off with a series of sniffs.  
  
This time Shin will finally be able to tell her.  
  
He crouches down in the wardrobe with her, he holds out a hand, hesitates, but today he is brave. Today he is _doing_ things. “Akane-chan.” He brushes his fingers through he hair. “It’s me who is sorry.”  
  
She picks her hair up, and Shin is careful to make sure his fingers don’t catch anywhere near her eyes. Instead, he draws them down the side of her face, the skin of her cheeks are soft, beneath red rimmed eyes. He places his hands back in his lap.  
  
“Earlier, only you had a different sauce.”  
  
Akane just looks at him, confused.  
  
“I planned on using that sauce in the competition, I had you eat it secretly so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed.” He sits down properly, mirroring Akane’s position and folding his arms over his knees.  
  
Akane seems calmer now, and is back to looking at him in the eyes. Her focus is intense, but it is also these moments when Shin feels like he can bare his soul and not worry about what will happen next.  
  
“I was always worried, when I went to high school everyone was so talented. I didn’t know what the taste should be like in order for me to win the competition, but just now that wasn’t good at all.” He laughs, so that Akane knows that it is okay, he has a new goal now. “I decided to make something that will make the girl I like happy.”  
  
Akane’s eyes are still red, and now her cheeks are trying to match the colour. Her eyes are wide and shining, but Shin thinks that might still be from the tears. She still looks so cute though, and sitting here in this wardrobe with her like this is nice. He’s glad for the circumstances that lead to it.  
  
“Shin-chan…”  
  
“Akane-chan, I like you.” This is the first time he’s been so direct with it. It’s nice. It felt right to say in this moment, only the two of them in this small, quiet place.  
  
Shin laughs out under his breath. “You’re quiet.” He drags a finger down her nose. Had he taken her by surprise? Had she really not known he felt that way? Everybody else in the world did, certainly everyone in this house knew.  
  
If Akane really didn’t know, it just makes her even cuter.  
  
“I’ll give my best for the competition, so you have to do your best too.” He holds out his hand, pinky extended. “It’s a promise.”  
  
Akane wraps her own pinky around his. “A promise.”  
  
It’s done, he will work hard for his competition, make something that will make Akane happy, not something that will lead to this. He can focus on that, and leave Akane to focus on studying. She has her own dream to chase too.  
  
Now that everything is settled, Shin takes her whole hand now, and pulls Akane to her feet as he gets to his own. “I made another set of regular pancakes, so you can eat those if you want.”  
  
He knows Akane is back to normal, because she’s cheering for food again.  
  
Shin only stays to watch them eat, and is about to wash everything up when Ayaka shoos him away, saying that he had done enough already. It was a ploy to stay longer, but it hasn’t worked. Akane needs to focus on studying, which means that he should leave.  
  
Shin is seen out of the house by everyone who came over to study.  
  
“Shin-chan-senpai, thank you for the meal!”  
  
“Good luck in the competition!”  
  
“Thanks, I’ll let you know when the results are out.” If the results are good, he’ll probably let Akane know before he even tells his own parents. She’s the one who he wants to impress the most. Maybe then he can overtake all the boys around her that are amazing in other ways.  
  
“Oh right, Aoi-kun. I won't get in the way of Akane-chan’s studying, so don’t worry!”  
  
Shin can see the shock of what he has said register in Aoi’s face. He’s a quiet person, but even that can speak volumes. Akane complains a lot about his spartan studying methods, and it had been obvious even today that Aoi hadn’t wanted to break so early in the day. He wants Aoi to approve of him, wants Aoi to know that Shin wants the best for Akane too. Akane needs to study hard to chase after her brother, to one day overtake him.  
  
Shin wants Akane to achieve everything that she wanted. Hopes that he can be at her side when she does so.  
  
“Then I’ll be going!” He nods a proper farewell to everyone gathered now. Shin’s gaze lingers on Akane the longest, then he turns and rides back to the shop.  
  
If he works hard, he can do his best to support Akane’s studying while practicing for the competition too.

 

 

糖

 

 

Shin expected teasing, he had prepared for it. From his brothers, from his parents. He planned out how he would respond to it, and yet it had never come. So far, since he had met Akane again over the summer he had been making treats for her. Things that would encourage her while she was studying. Things to let her know that even though they hadn’t seen each other again, Shin was still thinking about her. He didn’t doubt that Akane would try her best in order to follow Aoi to high school, but from the way she spoke about it when they talked on the phone, Aoi was a ruthless tutor. He could only hope that the treats he sent would help to make her day better.  
  
Shin lamented the fact that he couldn’t see Akane all the time. He wanted to. Wanted to see her face when she ate, and watch her expressions while she devoured his creations. They made him think that he was doing the right thing in aiming to take over the family bakery, not just taking over because he was the only one interested in it.  
  
Missing the colours blooming in around him came in second to how much he missed seeing Akane. How much he wanted to see her eating his treats.  
  
Instead he left her to her studies, and he was left to focus on his own competition as much as he could. It helped, even just a little bit being in the same town as Akane again. It helped knowing someone who enjoyed his food so much. It pushed Shin to try his hardest. He didn’t want Akane to enjoy anything more than what he created for her. That pushed him for the competition. He wanted to make something that would make Akane’s eyes shine - although Akane would be a much easier judge to face than what would be the reality.  
  
Shin had already been up for two hours this morning, working in the prep room alongside his dad. Subject not to teasing, but sly smiles sent his way during breaks. He ignored it as much as he could. Shaping the treats, wrapping them up, and boxing them. He wrote a note to sit in the box.  
  
                                   _Good luck in your studies._  
_\- Shin_  
  
Then he set it aside to go out with the days deliveries. It had only taken two days for him to be told he didn’t need to write the address down. They knew where to deliver Shin’s treats. That was possibly his brothers teasing him, but it was easily brushed aside. As long as they were getting to Akane, nothing else mattered.  
  
When that was out of the way he joined his family to eat breakfast, and then got to work on developing a recipe for the competition.  
  
It was getting closer now, but he still didn’t feel ready for it. He needed Akane’s seal of approval before he could ever be confident for the competition.  
  
There was one week to go.  
  
On the day of his competition he made soft candies for Akane. He wanted to deliver these himself, he needed the luck. He wanted to have her presence at least encourage him. If Akane didn’t know that Shin was using her this way, then Aoi couldn’t get angry at him because he wasn’t distracting Akane from studying.  
  
Shin had studied up what he needed to do as much as he could. Decided on a colour scheme with both of his parents, and as long as he didn’t forget what numbers meant what colour everything would be fine. He should have written the codes down, other people probably would, it wasn’t a penalty at their age to do so. But Shin wanted to do it from memory as much as he could, there wasn’t a penalty for coding, but it would be more impressive if he could show that he didn’t need it.  
  
He walked out with Yuu when it was time to leave for the deliveries. Yuu was motivated to get up during the summer for extra allowance if he made deliveries, Kou enjoyed sleeping for as long as their mum would let them, The air hit Shin’s face when he stepped outside, it was cool, refreshing at this time of the day before the sun heated it up to unbearable. The fresh air was nice, he had spent so much time cooped up in the kitchen lately that he had almost forgotten how nice the air could be first thing in the morning when it wasn’t full of the smells of baking. That did have it’s charm too, but it had nothing on the fresh clean air of the outdoors. Fresh before the world woke up to breathe it all in.  
  
Shin couldn’t understand why people liked sunsets, he had seen them before. Blues and reds bleeding into the sky as the sun fell. But dawn was more intimate, the sun rising up to a new day. Less people were around to experience it. Dawn was everything fresh and new, and it was Shin’s favourite time of the day.  
  
One day he hoped to see it properly.  

Akane’s house was their sixth stop. Shin had wanted to deliver the cake himself, but on viewing the mail box and shooting a questioning gaze to Yuu decided to hand it over for the final act of delivery. Shin didn’t want to go onto the Kajiya property improperly. Yuu jumped the front gate, took the cake from Shin, and opened the mailbox door to place it inside. He closed it up again and jumped back over. Shin was glad for the emptiness of the early morning, thankful that they hadn’t been caught. This is what Yuu had been doing in order to deliver his cakes? If he got in trouble, Yuu and Shin, and possibly his whole family could be in trouble.  
  
They have more cakes to deliver for the morning, but Shin wants to wait to see Akane. If she’s expecting the gift, which she should, because there has been a new one every day, then would she come out early? Shin has to prepare for his competition in the late morning, his parents would want him home before then. The sun is only just waking up to the world, but he’s prepared to wait the two hours he has to see if he will get the chance to see her.  
  
A good luck charm.  
  
Yuu decides to wait with him too, at least to see if she will come out any time soon. Has Yuu told her what time he usually comes around?  
  
“It’s been forever but I’ve still never actually seen your girlfriend.”  
  
“She’s not my girlfriend.” Shin is quick to snap back, only in the moments after the words have escaped realising that this means that Yuu hasn’t spoken to Akane at all. Which means all the other times when he had thought about doing deliveries just to see Akane were wishful thinking. He’s glad his parents held him back from doing so every other day. Today they hadn’t, had known that Shin wanted her charm to bring him luck.  
  
“You want her to be your girlfriend though.”  
  
“It doesn’t matter though if it’s not what she wants.”  
  
Yuu is impatient, he leaves not even ten minutes into waiting. Although he also has another few cakes to deliver, the cart holding them attached to the back of his bike looks ridiculous, and is the main reason Kou doesn’t want to be caught doing deliveries by anyone he knows.  
  
It turns out that Ayaka is the one to come outside first, Shin feels disappointed, he tries not to let it show on his face, but he doesn’t think he has been successful when he sees the smile that she greets him with.  
  
“My, my, I forgot that I left breakfast on the stove, I’ll have to have Akane bring the mail in.”  
  
She turns around back inside, and Shin silently thanks her. He will have to make her something one day, a proper thanks, something just for her.  
  
He sees colour before he sees Akane. He can hear the door open for the second time, but is momentarily distracted by the hues bleeding into his vision. Coming to see Akane had definitely been a bout of good luck. If this can last through to the competition he would feel a lot more confident. He’s hiding behind the wall, at the slot where the mailbox is fitted in. Here he can hear Akane, and not be seen, he won’t distract her.  
  
“Ah! Shin-chan sent it here again today!”  
  
Shin smiles, he can’t see her face, but he can hear the excitement in her voice. She doesn’t even know that he’s here. It’s not a show. It’s her honest reaction, Akane had always been honest when it came to the things he made her. She never held back and Shin loved that about her.  
  
“Oh, it’s soft candies!”  
  
This was a bonus, Shin hadn’t expected her to eat them at all. They were candies, and the sun was only new in the sky. Far too early to be eating that kind of thing, even he knows that.  
  
_Homp_.  
  
He can’t quite believe it when he hears her pop some into her mouth, she really was eating it.  
  
“Yummy! It’s so good, the yummiest in the world!”  
  
Shin feels his cheeks heat up, he can picture the smile on her face. He can feel the way it tries to find a home on his own face. Akane had said that without even knowing that he was here. Akane liked his sweets, even when he wasn’t there for her to compliment directly. That was the best omen he could have.  
  
He was glad that he had come, even if part of him realises that thinking back on this moment later it might seem creepy or weird. He had made a promise to Aoi, and without breaking it, Shin had now been gifted with the best luck. He has colour in his eyes and Akane’s words of praise to get him through today’s preliminaries. He will definitely do well now.  
  
Shin can’t let Akane down.  
  
There’s a tension in the air when Shin steps out onto the floor where the competition will be held. His parent’s hadn’t been able to make it, but Kou and Yuu sit diligently with all of the other contestants parents and families. Some people look like neither, and Shin can only assume that they are there to scout people for when they finish high school, something he thankfully doesn’t need to worry about.  
  
They are allowed half an hour for any last minute preparations before the timer starts and the competition is on. He uses it only to make sure that he knows where everything is, familiarises himself with the space that he has been given. Under stress, it’s easy to forget simple things, he doesn’t want that, he can’t make any mistakes. He needs to make sure that everything that he is going to use is in view, but is not anywhere that will hinder his actions when it comes down to putting everything together.  
  
He’s chosen a simple dish in the end. Nothing too extravagant, he’ll be able to focus his attention easily. It’ll be easily judged based on taste and texture and it’s presentation. If he loses points for the idea, well, Shin is hoping that his other scores will make up for it. This is something that he is confident in.  
  
Confidence means nothing once the loud ticks of the clock is all he can hear. There’s background noise, the clash of pans and utensils, and eggs cracking, and sauces boiling. There’s conversation in the stands watching over them, and there’s some form of commentary being spoken. It’s put beyond everything else though, put beyond the sound of the clock ticking away. Counting down the time for Shin to make a miracle happen on this plate.  
  
He’s chosen a sponge cake for the base. It’s simple, but it’s also one of the easiest things to mess up. He wants it to be light, airy, fluffy. Something refreshing.  
  
It’s summer, so the natural choice is to decorate it with fruit.  
  
Here, it is Shin’s lucky day. He has colour codes running though his mind, a reminder of the run throughs he had gone through with his parents in preparation for this day. But it is Shin’s lucky day and he doesn’t need them, he had Akane’s words in his head, and the colours are in his eyes.  
  
The colours help a lot. It means that he can keep the cake in the oven for just a few seconds longer, waiting for the perfect golden brown crust to appear. The crust will help to lock in the moisture. The cake will be moist, and the outside will retain a small crunch. It means that Shin can sift through the fruit that he’s brought with him. He slices through only the brightest of berries, blotting the juice and leaving them to air, knowing when to sugar them to stop them from browning. He melts chocolate over the stove, and then designs swirls and ribbons than will join the fruit on the centre piece of the cake. He slaps mint between his palms and sets it amongst whole berries at the front of the plate, mixes the fruit juice he has with the chocolate and dots around the side of the plate.

Shin isn’t going to do too much more, he wants to let the cake speak for itself, rather than working too hard himself to say what the cake is.  
  
He finishes up, and counts down fifty beats on the clock. He had timed it well. There are fifty beats in which he has time to breathe, time to meet his brothers gazes and smile at the thumbs up they are sending down to him.  
  
Shin will win for Akane, because Akane believed that he could do it. Shin will also win for his family, without them he would have never found this passion, would have never explored it so much even if he had found it.  
  
He has to wait for all of the desserts to be collected, and then there’s an intermission while the judges also leave to room to decide who will advance. There had been thirty kitchens set up for today, and yet only three of them will get through to the final stage.  
  
Shin wants to win, to advance, but he also knows that as a first year it’s a bit of a stretch to think that far. All he has to believe in are his own skills, and a little part of him that thinks that Akane can’t be wrong, that his flavour will permeate through everything he makes. His love for the art coming through in every mouthful he creates. He has to believe in her, Akane has probably eaten more desserts than anyone he knows, if she thinks he can do it, then he will make sure that Akane is never let down by him.  
  
He joins his brothers in the stands to wait. A half hour in which Shin has to keep the nerves at bay. He’s never had something of his judged, never entered a competition, only baked for fun, to make people smile, to add a little joy into the world. It was probably not a good idea to go into his first competitive foray with a _national dessert competition_. Perhaps he should have started at some kind of competition at a carnival, where all that was at stake was a ribbon, not his own reputation in front of a room of important people, his family’s reputation. He was here for himself, for his school, for his family. Representing all of them.  
  
Maybe at the very least he wouldn’t get last place.  
  
When the announcement comes for everyone to return to their stations it takes Shin two tries to stand up from his chair. His legs are like jelly, the jelly he had tried to make, imitation jelly, worse than jelly.  
  
Had walking always been so hard? Just putting one foot in front of the other was so much harder when his entire body felt numb.  
  
During the break he had settled into a sort of calm, it didn’t matter where he placed, this was his first competition, he was only a first year he would have two more years of trying to make the finals, of trying to place in the finals.  
  
Now all that calm had gone.  
  
His body stressed past the point of reason, there was no need for this.  
  
He was so numb, so intent on focusing on stand, stand, stand, _you can not fall here_. _You just need ten minutes to get through the announcements and then you can walk into the hall and fall there_.  
  
He was so numb, so, so numb.  
  
So numb to everything happening around him that his name was read out twice.  
  
“Kiritani Shin, station seventeen.”  
  
He had placed!  
  
Now he was back to focusing again, one foot in front of the other to stand with the half of his cake that was left up front with the judges. Inside a box with the number three printed on it.  
  
He had placed, he had survived.  
  
His brothers cheered again in the stands for him once he had made it up to the front with the other two who would be moving onto the finals. The cakes in their boxes were delicate works of art, different to his homey cake. Different to his simple design. In two more years perhaps Shin could be confident with creating something of that level in a competition, under stress and a timer. Today his cake had been enough, more than enough, to get him through to where he had wanted to go.  
  
Akane had believed in him, and now he could believe in himself a little more. It wasn’t just Akane who saw his potential now, these judges had too. In this room his dessert had been chosen to represent the district.  
  
Shin still collapsed when he was allowed out into the hall. Yuu catching him before he hit the floor, and Kou sticking his arms out only enough to keep the box in Shin’s hands from hitting the floor.  
  
“You did it Shin!”  
  
“Mum and dad will be so proud, I can’t believe we even get to keep the rest of the cake!”  
  
Shin was happy for their excitement. He was happy to go home and tell his parents, to show them how well he had done, how much he had grown. Most of all he wanted to get home, and share the news with Akane.  
  
It was a long time before Shin had been allowed to leave his family and have some time by himself. His dad had sat the cake in the store, still in it’s box and bragging to anyone who came in about what it was for, what it meant, what his _little Shin-chan had accomplished_. Shin had grown tired of his cheeks being pinched very quickly, but had smiled through them all until the shop closed down.  
  
He sat to dinner, earlier than usual, especially given the summer sun still streaming through the room. His parents were looking at him, his mother in a way that almost looked like pity. They were going to say something that Shin wouldn't like.  
  
When they finally said it, and he had gone to pack his bags he realised that it was true, Shin didn’t like it, but he also understood. They had promised to chase their dreams together, even if it meant that they weren’t together.  
  
He should call Akane, now.  
  
“Hello, this is the Kaijya residence.” Ayaka answered the phone.  
  
“Hello, it’s Shin is Akane there?”  
  
“Ah, Akane? Just a second.”  
  
Shin heard some shuffling over the phone, and then heard from a distance Ayaka calling out to Akane. Even she had somehow stuck to calling him Shin-chan.  
  
_Shin-chan_ , he can here in the distance, Akane’s voice is loud, even though Shin can tell that she is nowhere near the phone. Followed by the sound of her calling out that she’s coming.  
  
“Hello Shin-chan!”  
  
It’s only a greeting, but Shin can feel the smile growing on his face. Can feel the way his pulse spikes, she’s not even here, just a voice through the phone and yet it’s the first time he’s really interacted with her in so long that his body just wants more.  
  
“Akane-chan, the results came out and I managed to enter the finals!” He had thought about starting a conversation about something else first, building up to it. Instead when the moment came, all he wanted was to tell Akane the good news.  
  
“Really Shin-chan? Wow, congratulations!” Akane shouts through the phone, Shin feels her voice reverberate through his entire body. Her excitement is palpable even at this distance, when they aren’t even together. And she’s excited for him, happy that he has something to show for his time at school. Happy for him to have recognition for the things he creates, the thing he loves doing.  
  
“Yes, I wanted to thank you, it was all thanks to Akane-chan.”  
  
“I only tried tasting it!” She says, Shin just wants to laugh. Tasting is the hardest part, it’s hard to find people who will tell you the truth about something you made for them with all your heart. Akane is good at it though, _honest_. Will tell Shin when something is off even if it makes her cry afterwards for offending him. “Also Shin-chan! Thank you for all the desserts you sent to me! Thanks to you I can get stamps in all of my assignments!”  
  
That was good, it had worked. “Wow, that’s great.” They had been able to support each other. He could let Akane focus on studying, his desserts there to help her through them, to let her know that he was working hard too. They could both work hard, and support each other together.  
  
“Yeah, I’m so happy. That’s why I’ll do my best!”

He had to do his best too, doing this was the best for him.  
  
“Oh yeah, Akane-chan, I am going back to my school now. Summer break is about to end and I don’t want to distract you from studying anymore. I also need to prepare for the competition.”  
  
Akane was silent on the other end of the line, and Shin could only think that he had upset her. He hadn’t ended up seeing much of her, this morning hadn’t counted, and now he could talk to her, but it wasn’t the same as seeing her reactions. Going back to school meant saying goodbye to sending her treats every day, he had gotten up specifically to make them in time to go out with deliveries. That had been his way of encouraging her, that would end too.  
  
“Akane-chan, to be able to meet you made me very happy. I’ll be coming back during the next holiday, can I call you next time?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Her voice was flat, this was the last that Shin could talk to her for a while, and he would be left with this. Disappointing her, letting her down. Even for a moment before they remembered their bigger goals, their promise to each other, but just for this moment he had let her down.  
  
“Shin-chan, take care.”  
  
Shin had finished what he need to for now, staying in the same town would only make him want to see Akane, he would be distracting her again and he didn’t want that. He wanted her to accomplish everything that she aimed for as well. He had to leave, Shin could learn more from the teachers at school than from his parents here. It was for the best, even if he was going to miss her all over again.  
  
“I will, see you.”  
  
Akane hung up the phone, Shin listened to it beep at him for a few seconds before putting down his own receiver.  
  
“Are you ready to go?” His mum says, voice soft as she ventures round the corner. She must have heard him on the phone, she probably feels guilty about sending him back. He hadn’t even been able to relax much at home, hadn't had any spare time just to sit with his family and _be_.  
  
They don’t own a car, so all that his mum does then is give him some stock to take home. Fruit from the bakery, and some snacks for when he got back. He had just eaten dinner, but traveling always brought up some kind of hunger. He would need to catch a train into the city and then switch in order to catch the one that would take him to school.  
  
The line into the city is packed, even at this time of the day. After the stream of people step off Shin steps in, staying in the doorway rather than looking to find a seat. The bakery had closed up early, which had been in order for him to share a last dinner with his family before he left. Even so, it should have been past the rush hour of every one heading home. Then again, the sun is still high in the clear blue sky, he feels like everything runs a little later in summer. The days were longer and so everything was stretched out.  
  
Shin liked being out in the morning, but even the evening air had a charm, especially at times like this that would be long past dark in the winter.  
  
Winter would be the next time that he would be able to see Akane. Winter, when a blue sky meant no clouds to keep the cold out, instead of now where the blue in the sky spoke of a warm day. Akane was warm, winter had been when they had first met, and Akane had warmed his very soul.  
  
_Shin-chan!_  
  
Even thinking about her had led to him hearing her voice.  
  
It would have been nice to have her see him off at the station, Shin would have liked to ask her. But that was something that _couples_ did, Shin had confessed again, and once more Akane had not replied. At least Shin thought that she had been more responsive to it this time, nothing that she could have passed off as simply friendly. He had definitely been assertive in his words. Still, Akane was not his girlfriend, he couldn’t ask her to come see him off.  
  
“Shin-chan.”  
  
The station announces that the train will be departing soon, and Shin presses his face to the window, it will be another few months before he makes it back to his home town again. If he confesses then, maybe it will work.  
  
“Shin-chan!”  
  
He hears that voice loud and clear. Through the window he can see the streak of gold running along the fence behind the station.  
  
_Akane_.  
  
What was she doing here?  
  
_The doors are closing_.  
  
Shin doesn’t take a second to think before he steps back out through the doors. It might have just been his imagination, wishful thinking. Trying to imagine Akane sending him off, and then he had seen her image. A mirage of Akane. She probably hadn’t even been there, and now he will need to wait another half hour until the next train comes through.  
  
“Shin-chan.”  
  
He hears those words again, he casts his eyes around. And there, further down is Akane, standing at the fence, head bowed down. She must think that he’s left, but how could he leave after hearing her voice, after thinking that he wouldn’t see her again until winter break. After thinking that he could never ask her to see him off because Akane was not his girlfriend.  
  
“Akane-chan.” She picks up her head from where it had been bowed, and looks at him over her shoulder. She looks surprised to see him, even though Shin is the one surprised that she had come to the station, running along the fence, something that he wouldn't have been surprised at all to find was just his imagination, but she really is here. “It was you.”  
  
Akane’s surprise disappears in an instant and her energy is returned tenfold. She screams, “Shin-chan!” She curls her hands into fists and starts beating on his shoulder. His bag falls off and he finds himself crouching into himself, even though none of her hits are actually painful.  
  
“Akane-chan?”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you were leaving?” Her cheeks are red, right under those eyes which look like they might soon break into tears. Or not, as Akane takes a moment to blink them away. “I’m so happy that I was able to meet Shin-chan before he left.”  
  
Shin is too, she’s not even his girlfriend, but still, she had come.out to see him off. She seemed as upset at him leaving early as he did. He should have asked her to come out to see him off, she wasn’t his girlfriend, but she would still have come. Wasn’t that enough?  
  
It wasn’t enough.  
  
“Akane-chan, look it’s Aoi-kun.”  
  
Shin had his face schooled carefully into a look of surprise, and pointed his hand over Akane’s shoulder back the way that she had run from. Akane turned at the sound of her brothers name. Shin had to wonder if she had snuck away again. He would need to apologise to Aoi later then.  
  
It wasn’t hard to see that the station was empty, the train had only just left.  
  
“Where?”  
  
She turned back around and Shin made his move.  
  
He leaned over, and pressed his lips to hers. He wasn’t forceful, he didn’t want to scare her. He wanted, _needed_ this for himself though. She had left him without a response, but then showed up here. _Only couples saw each other off at the station_ , Akane wasn’t his girlfriend _but she had still come_. That was a sign right? Akane had come, and Shin would keep trying until he had an answer. A yes or no, anything to get out of this limbo where she kept throwing him for a loop.  
  
Akane didn’t pull away, even if Shin could feel the way she jumped at the contact from where they were connected. His lips were warm, his face was warm, his entire being was warm.  
  
“Ah!” She had pulled back now. “You kissed me! And you tricked me!”  
  
Shin laughed, “Yes, I kissed you and tricked you.”  
  
“I’m angry now.” She said, Shin thought that she looked anything but.  
  
He would try again, this time she would know that it was coming. This time she could make her own decision. He paused before they could make contact, locking on with her eyes, gleaming green and locked straight on him as well. Akane stayed still, and Shin covered the rest of the distance, closing his eyes. If she pulled away now he didn’t want to see it.  
  
This time she pressed back, the pressure on his lips indicative of her response. This wasn’t Shin kissing her, this was them kissing each other. This wasn’t a trick, this was real.  
  
It was only a short while before they pulled away, but Shin’s body felt like it was buzzing, like he had an energy thrumming through his veins. Akane, _Akane had kissed him back_.  
  
“Right now, this is a heart-throbbing moment right?”  
  
Shin hadn’t been focusing on that, only on the press of her lips on his own, on the way he had felt her eyelashes flutter against his cheek, she had closed her eyes too. They were shining again now, _wide_ , and Shin could see himself reflected in those wide eyes of hers. His heart was definitely throbbing now.  
  
He didn’t want to leave after that.  
  
If only they had been able to have a _hello_ kiss and not a _goodbye_ kiss.  
  
“After seeing you it makes it harder to leave.”  
  
“Shin-chan,” he covered his eyes. He didn’t really want to hear what Akane was going to say now. He just wanted to live in this moment forever, he didn’t want it to end. Shin just wanted time to pause, the train to never come, a freak storm that mean he would need to stay home a few more days. He wanted for time to rewind so that he could kiss Akane again. “I want to be Shin-chan’s girlfriend!”  
  
Shin dragged his hand away from his face so fast it hurt. He spun around, was there someone else that she was talking to? Was there another Shin-chan that she knew? There was nobody standing around them. It could have been his imagination, but earlier he had thought that too and it had been a beautiful lie.  
  
“Huh.”  
  
“Yep!”  
  
“You say yes, but do you know what that means Akane-chan?”  
  
“I understand!” She shouted back at him. It was loud, but when Akane was loud it was always when she was being honest, when she was speaking from her heart. “It means that even when we’re separated that we’ll be connected.”  
  
Shin was surprised to hear Akane say something like that. He was also happy to hear those words coming from her mouth, he wouldn’t need to try confessing next time. His feelings had finally gotten through. Now they really could cheer for each other, together.  
  
“Yes, yeah, you’re right.” Akane’s eyes were shining again, Shin wasn’t the only one in them now. They reflected the sky and the world, and yet still Akane had chosen him. “Then from now on, Akane-chan will be my girlfriend.”  
  
He wanted to talk more, he wanted to shout it to everyone at the station. He wanted to run home and tell the good news to his family.  
  
Instead a whistle blew through the station, the next train was here, it was time for him to leave.  
  
“I have to take this train to head back.” He still didn’t really want to leave. Even as he pulled the strap of his bag back over his shoulder. Shin took a deep breath. Akane was his girlfriend now, _even if they were apart, they were connected_. “Alright then, I’ll be going!”  
  
He walked over to the platform and waved back at Akane, he felt like he could see her eyes blazing even from there. He waved again when he had stepped onto the train, and Akane responded by waving frantically from her spot by the fence.  
  
_The doors are closing_.  
  
This time he didn’t need to leave the train, he would follow it out of the station with a smile. Akane was smiling at him too.  
  
_Even when we’re separated, we are connected._  
  
“Shin-chan, I love you.” He had heard that. It was one thing to hear that Akane wanted to be his girlfriend, that she had recognised his feelings for her. It was another thing entirely to hear that she felt the same, that she loved him too.  
  
“Me too.”  
  
The train rattled out of the station, and still Shin focused on Akane, on the shine of her hair. Golden, like a reflection of the sun. For a while he convinced himself that he could see it, even when the station was long out of sight.  
  
It had been a roller coaster of a day, and as the colours faded the further he got from his hometown Shin found that he didn’t even mind. If he could only see them when he was at home, then what did it matter? Home was where Akane was, home was where he would settle down. Today he had used up all the luck in the world, and now at school, he would need to work hard in order to thank the gods for this one day.  
  
For gifting him colour before his competition. For gifting him Akane before he had to leave again.  
  
The last green of the grass faded to grey and Shin focused only on what was ahead. When he came back there would be Akane. He could see Akane, make her cakes, and show her how hard he had worked for himself, for her, and she could show him her hard work in return.  
  
Even while separated, he and Akane would be connected. Focusing on their promise to follow their dreams together.

 

 

糖

 

 

  
Something had changed when Shin got back to his school. The colours had faded on the train, and then they had returned only a couple of hours later, but not the way he remembered them. His world seemed to be stuck somewhere in between, stuck in a limbo.The colours were there, all the time; there to help him with baking a decorating, helping him to challenge himself and be more creative - but they felt muted. They felt like a faded version of what he used to see. They didn't feel right. It wasn't perfect, and he could practice mixing colours again, but they just weren't _right_.  
  
He used the colours as an advantage. Even though they still didn’t feel right. He could practice more with what he had now. Shin still made it a habit to make Akane something every morning, even as he practiced every day until the day of the finals. Akane had been his good luck charm, of this he was sure. It didn’t matter at all that there was no way of delivering things to her, the point was that they were made _for_ her. It was the best way to ensure that _his_ flavour remained. The flavour that Akane was so fond of.  
  
Despite the lack of Akane, being back at school for the rest of break to practice his baking was good for him. At home he had his dad to ask advice from, here Shin had a vast range of people to ask for advice. The senpai were very approachable, especially when paired with what were Akane’s snacks available for the taking. They were happy to offer suggestions in return for food. One day when Shin had been feeling particularly brave he had even ventured to the school kitchens, rather than just the dorm kitchen, in order to talk to some of the teachers. They were harsher than his senpai were at giving advice, but they also talked about what the judges would be looking for. How to best appeal to the judges, rather than just focusing on his own baking.  
  
He was happy for it, even if it made him more nervous for the competition. The finals had been his goal, any further placement was simply a bonus. Now that he had been asking for advice though, he wanted to do those people proud. Shin ended up going back to the teachers who had been the most helpful, then he collated all they had told him about the judges, and about how points would be awarded, and from that decided on a plate to present.  
  
He couldn’t just make the sponge cake he had grown up with for the final. The finals meant going all out. If he didn’t try something fancy here, then where else was a better place to try?  
  
Now that he had settled on something to make, he still had three days in order to perfect it. To get it just right for the competition. Then he could do well, that would be the biggest thanks to those who had helped him, and to Akane. So that he could be one step closer to making her the best sweets in the country.  
  
Shin called his parents before the competition, just to let him know that he would be there soon and for them to keep him in their thoughts. That way it could be like they were there with him, supporting him. He wasn’t upset that they wouldn’t be able to watch, he knew that they had to work. Shin also liked their idea of calling Akane before he left. They had told him that if Akane was his good luck charm then he should definitely talk to her before the competition. She would want to know that it was on today, she would want to be able to send her thoughts out too.  
  
Calling Akane had pulled through perfectly as a good luck charm. Just hearing the dial tones along the line as the call went out the colours came seeping further into his vision. The world appeared sharper, the colours clearer. This, this had been what he was used to. They really had been faded.  
  
This way, just like the way they had for the preliminaries, the colours could help him. Akane had been his good luck charm then, and just calling her now had already helped him today.  
  
_“Akane-chan, I have my competition today.”_  
  
_“Good luck Shin-chan, I believe in you.”_  
  
_“Mm, make sure that you study hard too.”_  
  
_“I will, I’ll get a better score than Aoi even in the next exam.”_  
  
_“If it’s you, you can do it Akane-chan, but I have to leave now.”_  
  
_“I’ll be cheering for you.”_  
  
_“Thank you.”_  
  
Shin didn’t even feel real, he didn’t feel like it had been real. He felt like he was in a dream, floating through water or clouds or even marshmallows - he should try making marshmallow, Akane would probably like marshmallow.  
  
There was no way that had been real.  
  
He should call his parents, but the first person that he wanted to call was Akane.  
  
Shin gathered what he needed to prepare marshmallow, and kernels of popping corn, marshmallow on it’s own wasn’t anything that special to make.  
  
Shin pulled out the phone was he was far enough in the recipe to handle doing things one handed, it was a good a time as any to practice it. In the future he could be doing this with Akane with him, an arm around her waist, or most likely one hand to hold the both of hers so that she didn’t eat anything before it was ready, before he had put his soul into it.  
  
Akane was quick to pick up the phone when it rang through.  
  
“Shin-chan! How did it go?” Of course that would be the first thing that she asked, he had called but he hadn’t been able to get a word in before she took over the call.  
  
“I won.” He wanted to elaborate, but he also didn’t know how to. It still felt like a dream, it didn’t feel real. He had wanted to get to the finals, but placing had never been a priority. Definitely not what had happened now, he would never have even dreamed that up. Maybe he had, hoped somewhere in the very back of his mind that he could win. Shin had never thought it was something that would happen though.  
  
“What? You won?!”  
  
“Yes.” Shin laughed, Akane believed in him more than anyone, and it sounded like even she was having trouble believing it.  
  
“You won the dessert competition? Shin-chan won?”  
  
“Yep, I sure did.” It was nice to hear her being skeptical though, it made Shin feel like it wasn’t blind faith that Akane had in him, that she really thought he was good at what he did. Still, thinking that didn’t mean that she would think Shin was the best in the competition. So he didn’t mind the repeated questions.  
  
“Wow!” Shin had to pull the phone away as Akane’s voice exploded from the phone. He kept it away for a while, he didn’t want to deafen himself on her cheers. “Congratulations!”  
  
“I still have to work hard.” Really winning the competition hadn’t been such a good thing. He had been up against other high schoolers, and he, a first year, had won. He had wanted to lose, in a way that meant that he had a lot that he could improve on. He could see how the winners had worked, and then tried to improve his own baking by taking parts of their creations and twisting them into something that would work for him. Winning meant that he had to improve on his own. “I just wanted to tell you.”  
  
“Wow, wow Shin-chan!”  
  
“Anyway, what about you? How have you been recently?”  
  
Shin hadn’t been able to talk much to her earlier. He had been rushing out, and he knew that Akane would be spending the day studying. Now it was the end of the day though, he had time, and he could only hope that Aoi would give Akane time to talk as well.  
  
“Recently…”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Well second semester means that I have to study harder for exams.”  
  
Shin could only laugh, he hadn’t had to go through entrance exams, but everyone around him had. He hadn’t gone through all of the stress that came with applying to high school, but he could imagine Akane studying the way his friends had the year before.  
  
“It won’t be like that forever.”  
  
“I know, I’ll try my best!” Shin knew that she would. Shin would support her all the while so that she could chase after her dreams, the way Akane cheered for him every time he made something, even if sometimes he thought that she was cheering because of the food, not for him. “Ah, it’s gone.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Oh, I sort of hit myself and got a bruise.”  
  
“What, really? Are you okay?” Akane moved through the world at such a speed that it wasn’t a surprise to hear that she had a bruise. Even though he couldn’t ever recall seeing her with a bruise. It must have been a hard fall in order for it to happen, she hadn’t even bruised after their accident on the bike that he had seen.  
  
“Mm, I’m fine now!” Had that meant that she wasn’t fine when she got the bruise? Had it been painful? “Ah, but Shin-chan~” Akane drawled out.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You’ll definitely become a patissier right?” Akane’s excitement had gone, and Shin was concerned for where the conversation was going. Had his success in the competition somehow made Akane worried for her exams? Afraid that she couldn’t follow their promise as much as he had? “You’ll have your own shop, and it’s so yummy that heaps of people will come right? You’ll be very busy.” Akane almost seemed depressed. “If that happens will you still makes sweets for me?”  
  
Is that what she had been worried about.  
  
“Yes, in fact I’m making something right now.”  
  
“Really?” Even over the phone Shin could feel the way her mood was picking back up.  
  
“Can you guess what I’m making?”  
  
He heard a lot of heavy breathing, through the phone. “Hmm, what is it?” It almost sounded like she was trying to smell what he was making. Shin chuckled softly to himself, it was such an Akane thing to do.  
  
“I’ll give you a hint, it’s fluffy.”  
  
“Ah! Marshmallow!”  
  
Shin was amazed that she had actually gotten it. “With popcorn.”  
  
“Marshmallow popcorn!” Was quickly shouted in return down the line, such excitement for the idea of Shin making something for her.  
  
“I’ll always make sweets for you Akane-chan.”  
  
“Really, I eat a lot.” Shin smiled at that, felt the smile on his face and the way it warmed him up inside. He had heard the same thing from Aoi some time ago. _Was Shin sure that he wanted Akane? She ate a lot_. Shin knew, of course he knew.  
  
“Yeah, I know.”  
  
“But I’ll never get sick of your sweets.”  
  
“Yeah, thank you.”  
  
“Never ever!”  
  
“Okay?” Shin was confused at why Akane felt that she had to justify herself to him. If Akane found herself ever getting sick of his sweets, Shin would craft something new up for her. He would always make things for her, make things for her to enjoy, things that would make her happy. Shin would work hard to make sure that Akane always had a reason to smile.  
  
“ _Haaah_.” Shin heard Akane let out a long sigh. “Yay, I feel relieved!”  
  
“Huh, Akane-chan, what do you mean relieved?”  
  
Shin was only answered with the sounds of Akane breathing down the line. Slow, rhythmic. It sounded like she had fallen asleep.  
  
He was happy to have talked to her so much today.  
  
“Goodnight.” Shin would make sure to find time to talk to her more often. He enjoyed talking to her, it was all he had now that he couldn’t see her anymore.

 

 

糖

 

 

Shin caught himself doodling in class often. In the margins of his school notebooks, in all of his art books. He would see Akane again in the winter break, only a few weeks away. He could make cakes for her again, he could make a christmas cake for her again, the cake that had led her to him. The cake that had brought them together. He wanted to design something that was perfect, create something that would show Akane how much he had learnt at school, show how much it had helped, how much he had grown.  
  
Akane would be able to tell, she would be able to taste it.  
  
“Shin!”  
  
He was sketching again, in the kitchens this time, while the other people stood around benches he sat on a chair with his book out.  
  
“Hey, hey, what are you doing?”  
  
“I’m making a rough sketch of a christmas cake.”  
  
“What, already?” Narita threw an arm over Shin’s shoulder, crouching down to talk directly into his ear. “Aren’t you a bit too early? Are you Santa?”  
  
“I’m Santa.” Shin was Santa and this was Akane’s present for this year. He wondered if their family would order a cake again, or should he try to make it bigger so that they could all just eat his together?  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Or is it for your girlfriend?”  
  
Shin had forgotten that there were other people in the room that could hear them talking, and he had just called himself Santa. Both he and Narita turned around to where Mochizuki and Kajiwara were seated together.  
  
“Did you know there’s a rumour Shin,” Mochizuki continued. “You have a girlfriend in a long distance relationship which is why you won’t fool around. They say ‘ _he’s definitely going out with a rich, beautiful, older woman_ ’.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Shin had certainly never heard that rumour, he also had no idea how that kind of rumour would have even started. A rich, beautiful, older woman? Nobody even came to mind at those words. He laughed, trying to picture Akane as the woman that they were describing, it didn’t fit her at all. Akane was younger, and cute. It was amusing to picture her as anything else.  
  
They finished up their group work for the day and Shin went back to the dorm to drop off his school supplies. Now he could do some more work on his own. He went into the kitchens, but found that they were taken up. He would have to go back to school.  
  
“Hey Shin, are you going back?” Narita asked.  
  
“Yeah, we’ve been practicing all day and I want to practice some on my own.” He picked up his shoes from the genkan to put on. “I’ll be off.”  
  
“Hey wait, I’m gonna come too.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Shin, aren’t you forgetting this?”  
  
Shin paused in the entrance. “Kajiwara? What’s that?”  
  
“I already told you the other night right, you haven’t paid your phone bills.” She stood with a hand on her hip, her right hand thrust in front of her and brandishing what used to be a can of apples. Now with a sticker over the front _phone money_.  
  
“Ah, right.”  
  
“It’s his girlfriend, his girlfriend!” Narita sang out next to him.  
  
He hadn’t meant to forget to pay for the phone. “The girlfriend who is a beautiful, popular, sexy strong willed, older woman right?” Kajiwara stated, it sounded like she was reading an ad, and Shin could only wonder how even more things had suddenly been piled on to Akane’s description.  
  
“Here,” Shin dropped some money into the tin that Kajiwara was holding. “Sorry but I only have coins at the moment.”  
  
“It’s important to keep in mind the rules of the dorm you know.” She scolded.  
  
“Yes, I know.” He said, just to satiate her. He hadn’t forgotten on purpose, he had just gotten carried away with actually talking to Akane on the phone and then with thinking about what cake to make for her when he went home to see her. “I’m going now.” A cake that he still needed to practice for. He just needed to keep practicing, making and designing cakes. He would eventually be hit with inspiration.  
  
Saturday meant another full day of practical work. Shin enjoyed them, it was sometimes easier to plan something according to a theme rather than to just come up with something out of the blue.  
  
“You’ll be changing groups today.” Shin didn’t particularly want to change groups, he had just gotten used to working with the others. “Together you will be making something that features winter.”  
  
The seasons were changing soon, winter would also be a good theme in order to help him come up with ideas for Akane’s christmas cake.  
  
Shin walked up to the front of the room to see which kitchen he would be working in, it was a shock then to find out who his group members were: the same as always. Nothing had changed, which was nice.  
  
“Whenever I’m with Shin the teachers praise me. I’m so happy!” Narita cheered.  
  
“Lets work hard together.” Shin said in reply.  
  
“Hey, don’t get along so well!” Mochizuki scolded them. Shin could understand her concern. Narita just wanted good grades, and Shin had those, especially in the practical work. Narita had a habit of agreeing to anything Shin wanted to do, even if the girls were largely against it. Mochizuki was the only other one in their group that was proactive in their projects. Narita and Kajiwara tended to sit back during discussion, and worked most when it came to actually making something.  
  
Shin read over their assignment sheet. Winter was the only requirement, they had free choice over what type of dessert to make, and what ingredients they could use. He wanted to make something that would make Akane smile, make her happy, make her proclaim loudly as she always did that it had been yummy.  
  
Having been assigned groups they went back into the classroom so that as a group they could decide what it was that they wanted to do. Shin, Narita and Mochizuki all agreed on designing a cake. They could come up with a cake flavour later, and also use the decorations in order to fulfil the theme requirement.  
  
Narita and Mochizuki reached for their sketchbooks, and Shin searched his bag before remembering that he had left it in the kitchen from when he had been planning Akane’s cake earlier in the week.  
  
Winter, would Akane prefer a winter themed cake or a christmas one? Should he make two? A christmas one for her to share with her family and another one just for her? Would his dad let him do that? If they had ordered a cake then it would be left for his dad to make and Shin would only be able to make Akane her own cake. He would need to ask her what her family’s plans were regarding a christmas cake.  
  
Or her friends. It had been her friends that were over when he had gone to deliver the cake last year.  
  
Shin slid the door open to the kitchen, holding in a shudder from the memory of last christmas. “Oh.” He hadn’t expected to find someone in the room. “You’re here Kajiwara? Everyone else is sketching in the classroom.”  
  
“Really? What about you?”  
  
“I left my sketchbook here.” Shin walked over to the kitchen that he had been using for the last couple of weeks and found his book in one of the drawers. He was glad that he had remembered it, they had been assigned a different kitchen this time.  
  
“I’m also getting ideas for the theme.” Kajiwara said.  
  
“Really?”  
  
Shin stood next to Kajiwara to peer at the sheet that she had been sketching on, humming at what he saw. It was a rather simplistic design. It had a lot of labels regarding the type of cake that would be used, and only a thin icing layer.  
  
“I’m thinking about how to get an elaborate taste.” Kajiwara supplied to Shin’s silent observation.  
  
He picked up the paper from her. “Yeah, but don’t you think the outside of the cake is important too? Appearance is very important you know.” One of the first cakes he had given Akane had been a holiday design. It had been decorated to look like a present. She wouldn’t remember, but maybe Shin could make it again, better this time.  
  
“Do you have any ideas?”  
  
Shin had a lot of ideas, that was the problem. Trying to narrow it down to only one that Akane would like. What one would she prefer?  
  
“If it’s winter then it can be snow, stars, illumination,” Shin counted them off on his fingers as he went. “Mochi, cocoa, christmas, silver is a good colour to use. There are so many things.” He paused for a breath. “Some people even think that if the cake looks fancy then it will bring them good luck.”  
  
Shin finished talking and looked back down from his hands to note that Kajiwara wasn’t even looking at him. She had her chin resting on the palm of her left hand, her other drawn across her body, frowning. She looked like she was sulking. Perhaps Shin shouldn’t have listed everything off like that, he had been thinking about christmas cakes for a while. Kajiwara hadn’t, so maybe it had been harder for her to think of designs that fit the theme.  
  
“You said that you were going to make you girlfriend a cake on christmas, right?”  
  
“Yeah, what about it?” Shin couldn’t help the smile that came to his face thinking about Akane. He had listed off all those things earlier thinking to pick one, but he knew that Akane would enjoy it just as much, if not more, if he made a cake for each wintery thing that he had listed.  
  
“The girlfriend who is just a little bit pretty, popular, sexy, strong willed older woman?”  
  
Ah, there it was again. “Yeah, yeah.” At this point Shin wanted to see how far Akane’s descriptors could come.  
  
“Isn’t she your girlfriend? What’s good about her? Does she really like you?” Shin could feel his good mood evaporating. The rumours were something that he thought had been made in good humour. Hearing someone say these things about Akane as an insult was something else entirely. “And I’ve never heard about a long distance relationship that went well.”  
  
She appeared to be rambling, but that didn’t make Shin any happier. When Kajiwara cut herself off with a gasp, Shin was only happy that she had stopped saying those things.  
  
“Um, Shin—“  
  
“If you say anything else, I’m going to get angry.”  
  
Shin registered the shock in her eyes, but she really had said too much. He dropped Kajiwara’s sketch that he had in his hands back to the table and turned to leave the room.  
  
“Shin, it’s not like that.” How could she say those things without even knowing Akane? “Wait.”  
  
Shin was halted in his steps, “What?” Kajiwara had grabbed onto his shoulders from behind. Squeezing them tightly. “Wait.” Kajiwara squeezed tighter at his shoulders, and Shin could feel where the rest of her body was pushed up against him.  
  
This was...  
  
“Sorry.” He said.  
  
“I haven’t even said anything yet!” Kajiwara’s face flushed, either embarrassment or anger Shin couldn’t tell.  
  
“What does it matter? It’s like that right?” He finally made to pull from her grasp. She might have been surprised, how many people stopped a confession before it could even happen? “That’s why I’m sorry.”  
  
Kajiwara held a hand out, placing it in the middle of his chest. “I get it.” Shin couldn’t tell whether she was trying to push him away or pull him in closer. “But I still want to like you.”  
  
Shin had already said no, why did she want to continue with something that could never go anywhere. Shin didn’t think that any girl would matter to him the way Akane did. No other girl in his life had ever had so much of an affect on his life, on his very being.  
  
“You can’t.”  
  
She drew her hand back. Her face was turning red now, and Shin knew what this one signified. Her eyes starting to shine with what looked to be unshed tears.  
  
“My girlfriend is very stubborn.”  
  
So, so, stubborn. She had been angry with him for leaving without a proper goodbye, angry at him for tricking her in order to kiss her. She had asked him to make her a chocolate cake the very first time that Shin had met her, without any kind of shame. Akane was stubborn, and Shin loved her for it. Loved Akane for every little thing that made her who she was.  
  
He finally left the room, sketchbook under his arm.  
  
He still needed to think about a design for his assignment, and then something to make Akane.  
  
When Shin got back to the dorm at the end of the day, the first thing he did was call Akane. He wanted to talk to her. Especially after hearing so many things said about her today, even if there had been a reason behind them, for the words to be spoken that way, in that tone, that meaning. It hadn’t been nice to hear. He had been tense all through the rest of the day. He needed to talk to her, needed her energy to calm him down.  
  
“Hello, Kajiya residence.”  
  
“Aoi-kun, is that you? It’s Shin.”  
  
“Senpai.”  
  
“I called for Akane-chan, but how have you been?”  
  
“Mmm. We went to the high school festival today for Ryokusei. She will probably tell you more about it.” Aoi had never talked to him much, Shin could only hope that it wasn’t because Aoi didn’t like him.  
  
Shin heard muffled knocking and then Akane’s voice, he couldn’t distinguish what she was saying though, only Aoi’s reply. “What’s with you, the phone’s for you. From senpai.”  
  
“Shin-chan!” He heard Akane yell, and almost on instinct pulled the phone away from his ear. He was glad for it. Even holding the phone down in his lap where he was sat he could hear the both of them.  
  
_“Yay! Yay! Give me the phone!”_  
  
_“Hey, what's with the sudden change in attitude?”_  
  
_“Geez, just give me the phone.”_  
  
_“Don’t take the call for too long.”_  
  
“Hello Shin-chan! How are you?”  
  
Shin felt himself relax at hearing the voice. The tenseness he had come to bear during the day flowing out from his body as the world came into better focus around him.  
  
“Yeah, I feel better now.” Akane had that ability, even if she didn’t know that she was doing it. Shin felt relaxed talking to her, felt like talking to her was coming home. He enjoyed it, especially as with his mind feeling rested from talking to Akane, the colours always seemed to come together. Akane was good for him, in every single way. “What did you do today?”  
  
“I went to the Ryokusei High culture festival today.” Shin laughed, Akane was predictable. Aoi had not elaborated on the festival, knowing that Akane would tell him all about it. “There was a big candy house! It was really great!”  
  
“Really? Sounds like fun, I want to see it too now.”  
  
“ _Haaa_!” Akane gasped into the phone. It was definitely interesting to hear Akane tell a story with all the drama she added to it. “After that I made a happy face when eating something that Shin-chan didn’t make. I’ll be careful from now on.”  
  
Shin loved Akane, she was so ridiculously adorable. Why did she think that he would get angry at her for liking something that someone else made? If anything it made him want to push harder at what he was doing. Strive to be better. That was what he was here for. One day he would make Akane the happiest with the things that he would make for her.  
  
“Seems like they had a lot of things there.”  
  
“Shin-chan, are you okay?”  
  
It figured that she would be able to pick up his mood. He had been in a bad mood when calling her. Talking to her had soothed him, but it didn’t stop him from wishing that he could have seen everything with her at the culture festival. Instead he was here, hours away. Making her things that she would never get to eat. Planning for an occasion that was still a few weeks away, when they would finally be able to see each other again.  
  
Shin just missed being able to see her. It was harder this time, harder having Akane as a girlfriend at a time when he couldn’t do anything with her aside from these calls.  
  
He wanted to take her on dates, bake her cakes that she could eat hot and fresh. Give her treats to help her study and cheer her up.  
  
“Akane-chan, I want to see you.”  
  
He had to throw his other hand up to his eyes at vocalising the thought. Had to hold back the lump in his throat that wanted to escape. He was meant to be manly, but now he just felt like crying. He had already started to tear up, Shin wasn’t meant to make Akane worry about him. She could do no more in their situation than he could. She had it just as bad.  
  
“Shin-chan, are you lonely. I’m right here. We can always meet if you want to.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right.”  
  
Akane had cheered him up again, twice in one phone call. Akane was a miracle.  
  
“I think Santa is visiting you on christmas.”  
  
“Really!” She cheered back down the phone line. Shin would make sure that he had the perfect gift for her. He didn’t have time to wallow in loneliness, or missing her. He needed to make these times count, and make his time away count. Every time he saw Akane again he would show how much being away helped. Shin would show Akane how much he had improved. She would be able to taste the difference, she would continue to cheer him on.  
  
“Then lets stop here, it’s getting late.”  
  
“Okay! Mama Aoi is getting really noisy too.” Had, had she just called Aoi a mother? Because he kept forcing her to study? The twins really did have a good relationship.  
  
“See you then.”  
  
“Yes, see you.”  
  
Shin waited until he could hear Akane hung up, and then ended the call on his phone. He smiled at the screen over her number. He was happy to have called her, he had worried her, but she had settled him right back down again. Shin only hoped that one day he could repay her for everything that Akane gave to him.  
  
Shin walked back into the common room from where he had been sitting to put the phone away. On the way he saw the tin for phone money sitting on the floor, someone must have been trying to collect money for the phone while he was on it. He still only had coins, but when he next got his allowance he would make sure to put most of it towards the phone.  
  
The last thing that he wanted was to lose his phone privileges over an unpaid bill, he would lose talking to Akane.  
  
For now, while he had full use of the colours he would relax, go over cake designs, and think more about what to make for Akane. Now, while he had full use of the colours, he could really focus on designing something that would take her breath away.

 

 

糖

 

 

  
Shin showed up at the station an hour before the train was due to depart. He couldn’t help it, he was finally going home. He had made a cake for Akane, and he had even told his parents that he was going to see Akane first. To his delight they hadn’t complained at all - it was christmas, what else could they expect of him. That had been where his luck ended.  
  
Snow, so much snow.  
  
Every so often Shin heard the call over the speakers. _The bullet train heading for Tokyo has been extensively delayed due to the snow_. There was nothing he could do but stand and wait. Shivering in the cold as he kept his bag on the floor at his feet and clutched Akane’s cake tightly in his hands. There was nothing he could do but wait, even as the sky went dark once more, and stars came out to litter the heavens. Shin could only wait, wait for a train, and hope that Akane would still be waiting for him.  
  
It was late by the time Shin was finally able to step out of the station and into his home town. Clearing the tracks had taken far longer than anyone had expected, not helped at all by the falling snow, quickly settling to cover up what was cleared.  
  
It was late, so late, so much later then he had planned on getting back.  
  
Shin wanted to run, but that would upset the box he kept tight in his hands.  
  
He took a quick detour to his home to drop off his bag. He didn’t go in, just opened the door and left it just inside. He had been watching it all day, and didn’t want to cower under it’s weight any more as he finally was able to make his way to Akane’s home. Not to mention how it would look to show up at Akane's house at this time with a bag full of his clothes.  
  
He only stopped at a vending machine on the way, buying a hot drink to keep his hands warm. He hadn’t worn gloves, scared that the lack of grip would cause the cake to topple. Shin didn’t mind his hands getting cold, as long as he alternated the hand carrying the cake before he completely lost feeling it would be fine.  
  
All of the lights in the household were off, and Shin felt guilty ringing the bell, but did so anyway.  
  
Nobody answered.  
  
Shin opened the gate himself, he had promised Akane. He didn’t want to break his promise to Akane. He didn’t go inside, but he made his way around the house to where he knew Akane’s room was. The window was open, and Shin could see Akane, asleep in her bed, through it. She looked cute when she slept. All that energy she carried inside of her settled down, it was the only time she kept still.  
  
Shin left the cake on the window sill. There was a table further in from the window, but attempting to throw the cake through so that it landed without knocking anything over, or without being ruined was an impossible task.  
  
That was all he could do, Akane was asleep. He had missed his chance to be with her because of the snow. Shin had once liked snow, now it had betrayed him. All he could do now was go home.  
  
He paused outside the gate to drink his coffee. Shin had been looking forward to seeing Akane for so long, and now he was leaving already. His parents would be happy to see him so soon, but Shin would not be. They could have gone out together to see the illuminations, they could have stayed home and he could have watched Akane eat his cake. They could have done anything, but instead they would be doing nothing.  
  
The sky changed, from the deep nothingness into something more. Indigo and violet bleeding in together. The night sky a swirl of colours now, where before it had been filled with ink, dotted about with stars.  
  
He hears a creak behind him, and he knows, Shin knows. He turns and there is Akane standing in the window of her room. She's bathed in the light from her room, she looks like she’s glowing. She might have been for all that Shin knew, she always shined in his eyes.  
  
"Shin-chan.” Akane says, and the moment is broken. Shin drops his can of drink. Hears it crash on the ground and the slosh of liquid that he hadn’t finished yet. He should pick it up, he really should, but Akane is here and awake.  
  
“Akane-chan. You were sleeping right?” Shin is happy to see her, but he didn’t want to wake her up from her slumber. “I planned on getting here earlier but the train was delayed. So I thought about just leaving the cake and calling later.” Akane pulls a hand up to cover her eyes. “Akane-chan?” He hoped that she wasn’t crying.  
  
“Shin-chan.” She’s not. Shin has seen this before, she is making sure that it’s real.  
  
Shin approaches the window to embrace her. All he has time for is to grasp at Akane’s sides as she throws herself at him. Her arms wrap around Shin’s neck, and he can feel the pressure in her hold. Akane is leaning out the window, and has given all of herself to Shin. She’s shaking in his arms, Shin is so happy to have her there again.  
  
Shin lets go just for a moment, and Akane leans back. He places his hand on the windowsill and pushes himself over into Akane’s room. He doesn’t even have time to get his footing before Akane is in his arms again.  
  
This time he can embrace her fully, completely.  
  
Akane’s legs lift up to sit around his waist, and Shin holds her tight, his arms wrapped all the way around her body, face buried in her neck. Akane’s body is so small and light and Shin feels like he might break her, but he won’t let go; he doesn’t want to let go.  
  
He can almost feel what she’s thinking. That he had come, it had been such a long day that even Shin didn’t think that he would make it. He’s here now though, that’s all that matters. “I promised.”  
  
Akane slips out of his hold then, and Shin can feel her face against his neck. It’s warm, too warm for just having been inside while he spent the day waiting the snow out.  
  
“Akane-chan, do you have a fever?”  
  
“Well, it’s really cold and I fell asleep.”  
  
“That’s bad!” Shin shouted, he hadn’t meant to shout. The lights had been off, there were people asleep. He pushed Akane away from him, away from his embrace. He felt the cold absence already, but looking after Akane was more important. “You should be warming up your body! Cover yourself with a blanket and go to sleep!”  
  
It was telling of how sick Akane must have felt, that she did so without complaining. Crawling under the covers of her bed, and Shin tucked the sides in under her body. No more cold was getting to her today.  
  
“Shin-chan…” She whined. Shin ran a hand through her hair.  
  
“Where’s Aoi-kun?” It was strange to see Akane sick, but without Aoi there fussing over her.  
  
“He went out.”  
  
“I see.” He stood back from the bed and took his jacket off. He couldn’t leave Akane alone here if she was sick. “Hey, can I make something?” If nobody was able to look after Akane, then Shin would take it upon himself to get her feeling better.  
  
“Um, sure.”  
  
“I used the kitchen last time, so I know where it is.” Shin said as he left her room, halting her from where she had made to get out of the bed. She was no longer tucked in, but she would need to have her body free in order to drink what he made anyway.  
  
“Ah, mum and Ichika are asleep.”  
  
“Don’t worry, I won’t make a sound.”  
  
He wasn’t used to having to keep quiet, but he could do it for Akane.  
  
In the kitchen he found a banana, those were always good when sick. Last time Ayaka had let him use whatever he liked. Shin hoped that held true for all of his visits, and if not then he would replace it later. He diced it up, and added it to a pot. Shin pulled milk from the fridge and added that too, turning on the stove to a low heat.  
  
Two cats came to sit on the bench and watched him work. Black and White. The white one he had seen before, Milky belonged to Akane, did that mean that the other belonged to Aoi? How fitting.  
  
Shin waited until the milk began to steam, and then tasted some. He didn’t want the flavour to be too overpowering, or the temperature to be too hot. It needed to be just warm enough that Akane could drink it straight away.  
  
Perfect.  
  
He poured the warmed milk into a mug, and quickly rinsed the pot out in the sink.  
  
“Akane-chan, are you properly sleeping like a good girl?” If she was, she wouldn’t answer him.  
  
“Yes Shin-chan.” She was awake.  
  
“There was a banana so I used it.” If he told Akane then it kind of counted as getting permission. One banana wasn’t going to be missed all too much anyway, he hoped. “Here, drink up. It’s hot banana milk.”  
  
Akane cheered before she had even taken a sip. She had such a blind faith in him at times.  
  
“It’ll warm you up, and it’s soothing.”  
  
Akane blew steam from the top of the mug, and Shin could feel the heat of it pass by his face. At least it smelled good.  
  
“It is!” Akane cheered, trademark smile back on her face. “I feel warm and calmed.” It was strange that this was the first time that Shin had seen it today.  
  
“It’s rare to see Akane-chan so weak.” He says with the hint of a smile. He doesn’t mind seeing her sick, as bad as it sounds, it feels nice to be able to look after her.  
  
Akane pulls the mug away from her mouth. “Mmm, yeah. Aoi took me to the hospital the other day because I was feeling sick.”  
  
“What?” Shin wishes that he had heard about this, that he could have done something, even if he knows there is nothing really that he could have sone. “What was wrong? Are you okay now? Is it more than just the fever?”  
  
Akane takes another sip, a small smile is on her face when she pulls the mug away again. “Stress. The doctor said that it was stress from studying too hard.”  
  
“Stress?” Shin finds himself repeating. It’s hard to imagine Akane stressed, but he also knows how hard she has been working in order to pass her exams soon. “So it’s because of entrance exams? So that’s why you feel weak, have a fever and a headache Akane-chan?”  
  
“Everyone is saying that, and so I think so too.”  
  
“Is that so.” Shin really wishes that he had known, especially if all of Akane’s friends knew.  
  
“I didn’t want you to worry, so I kept quiet about it.” How could he be a good boyfriend if he didn’t even know when Akane was sick? Instead he was just worrying about Akane now, she had been asleep, and Shin had woken her up.  
  
“Shin-chan, don’t be sad.”  
  
Now he was only making Akane worry for him, and he wasn’t even sick. She was. “Sorry, I didn’t realise. Have you finished drinking that?”  
  
“Yeah! I feel really warm now.” Shin felt his own mood pick up a little at Akane’s chirpy reply.  
  
Shin plucked the cup from her hand and rested it on the table next to her bed. He pushed down on Akane’s shoulders until she was laying in bed, and once more tucked her in. “Okay, now you should rest.”  
  
She looked back up at him tucking her in with big wide eyes, and then giggled to herself.  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s a real live Santa!”  
  
Shin was happy that Akane seemed to be in a better mood. “If only I could use magic to make you feel better. That would be nice.”  
  
He ran his hand down the side of her face. Her skin and hair were so soft, and her eyes almost seemed to glow. “Shin-chan…” It was nice to see her eyes glow just for him, without him needing to ply her with food for it to happen.  
  
“Ah-“  
  
“Cake!” They both shouted at the same time.  
  
Shin couldn’t believe he had forgotten the source of his worries for weeks, the cake that he had been determined to get right. He had to stand up from the bed and collect it from the window sill where he had left it earlier.  
  
“This is bad, this was the most important present.”  
  
“Is it okay? Did it melt?”  
  
“It’s okay, the cake is cold.” Shin set the box down on the bed, he held a hand over the top. “You ready?” He asked Akane.  
  
“I’m excited!” She responded. Sitting up once again from where Shin had carefully tucked her in.  
  
“Tada!” Shin proclaimed as he lifted the lid from the box.  
  
“Wow!” Akane crooned.  
  
Shin had thought that he perhaps went a little overboard in his decorations. But seeing Akane’s reaction he knew that there was no such thing with this girl.  
  
“Milky!” She sighed.  
  
“Yep!” Shin sang. Piping out the sugar into all of it’s points and curves had taken time. He was glad that Akane enjoyed seeing the shape of her cat sitting on top of the cake. He had ended up making a strawberry shortcake, with extra special attention giving to decorating it. It was positively littered with strawberries, and then on top of that Shin had added other decorations. Milky taking the main stage.  
  
“It’s cute! It’s so cute!” Akane chanted, and this, Shin thought, was the reaction that he missed while he was away at school. He could hear her repeating the statement over and over as he went back to the kitchen to pick up a fork so that they could eat.  
  
He sat back on the side of the bed when he returned. Immediately scooping up a portion of cake. “Here Akane-chan, open up!”  
  
“Ah!” Akane lets out when she open up. Shin smiles at her while she chews with her own smile in place. “Yummy!”  
  
This is what Shin came home for, even with the train running late, and finding out that Akane has been sick, this is what he wanted. This is what he wants. He wants Akane, and he wants her to be happy.  
  
“More! More!” Akane chants.  
  
Shin indulges. “Okay!”  
  
He feeds her again, and again. Revelling in the light of her eyes and the width of her smile when she finishes each bite. Akane’s face speaks of wonders and Shin had been the one to show them to her.  
  
“I can eat so much of your cakes. Your cakes are special!” Shin holds the fork in his hand, and Akane licks up the icing that has been framing her mouth courtesy of the last few bites. Even licking off the icing Akane is smiling. It makes Shin smile too, on his face and in his heart.  
  
“Hey Shin-chan, it feels like I’m all cheered up now!” Shin loves those words more than anything, _your cakes make me happy_ she had said once, and she was still saying it now. “I want to do christmas with you!”  
  
“You can’t push yourself.” He wants to spend time with her too, but he had come late and woken her up and Akane had been sick, was still sick. “You only just became healthy, you don’t want to waste it right?” Shin doesn’t want her to use up her energy here, now. Not when he knows that she will need to study again soon in order to pass her exams. Shin doesn’t want her to use up her energy on him, not when he knows that there are more important things that she needs to do first.  
  
“But, I’m here with Shin-chan now.”  
  
Already her face has settled, softened, saddened. Shin didn’t want to do this to her, didn’t want to upset her. He just wants her to get better. He can’t look at that face anymore, or he’s going to want to give in to it. There's a small shelf of books in the room, that’s something he can do. That’s something that he can do with Akane that won’t tire her out again.  
  
“Akane-chan, you have a lot of books here.”  
  
“Hmm, yeah.” Her voice is still quiet from their earlier topic of conversation, and Shin can tell she’s confused by the change in topic. “It’s all from when I was younger.”  
  
“How about I read you a story?”  
  
“A story book?”  
  
“If we do this it will be interesting right?”  
  
“Mmm.” Akane doesn’t sound convinced, but Shin _is_ convinced that resting is best for her, and this is the easiest way for that to happen. He picks a book up from the shelf and flicks through, it looks like a picture book, a fairytale. It looks like exactly what he needs.  
  
Before he sits down he makes to tuck Akane back into bed. She pouts at him, and the look is so new to Shin that he gives in straight away when she opens up the blankets for him too.  
  
_He is in Akane’s bed_.  
  
Shin rolls onto his stomach and props the book up on Akane’s pillow. Akane rolls onto her side, face gazing at Shin and the book.  
  
“ _The unwilling princess and the bear from the forest_.” Shin reads.  
  
“Oh! It’s this story right? About the princess who runs away from the castle. Then she meets a bear and in the end the princess also turns into a bear!”  
  
“Akane-chan, I’m trying to read it right now.” He scolds, what’s the point in reading it if she’s just told him the entire plot of the story? “So she becomes a bear huh?”  
  
Akane’s face lights up, much more excited than she had been when Shin suggested reading a book to her.  
  
“But it’s a happily ever after!” Akane cheers with her golden hair and her gleaming eyes and her beaming smile.  
  
“Akane-chan is my princess.” The smile drops from Akane’s face, but she looks confused more than anything else. Her head falling down onto the pillow next to the book. “I’m really treasuring you, you know?”  
  
Akane’s eyes are still shining, but now her cheeks are dusting a pretty red colour. “Shin-chan.” The call of his name is all the warning he gets before Akane giggles and pounces on top of him. He manages to pull the book up from the pillow with one hand, so that he avoids hitting it when his head lands on the pillow. He other hand curls up around Akane where she’s now perched on his stomach.  
  
“Ah, such a spoiled child.” He should really push her off. He tosses the book to the other side of the bed.  
  
“Then Shin-chan is my prince.” Maybe he doesn’t need to push her off if she’s being cute, even if he’s never felt princely in his life.  
  
“Isn’t Aoi-kun’s character more like a prince?”  
  
“No!” Akane is quick to reject the claim. “Aoi is more like a mother who teases a lot.” She’s called Aoi a mother again. Now that Shin knows that Akane has been sick he’s happier to hear the words. Even if Shin can’t be here all the time, Aoi will always be around to look after Akane.  
  
“Shin-chan’s armour would be made of sweets!”  
  
“Really? That sounds weak.”  
  
“That’s not true.” Akane says, and her smile is back again. The smile for him.  
  
She leans forward, and Shin smiles himself. Then she’s kissing him, and he’s kissing back. It’s sweet, he can taste the cake he made for her, sweeter now for having come from her lips. Shin thinks that it might taste better this way. He doesn’t eat a lot of his own creations, but this tastes nice. The flavour of Akane is the flavour of the cakes that he makes for her.  
  
Akane pulls back, and Shin can feel where her hand is clenched in his shirt, stretching the collar. He can’t get distracted by that.  
  
“Here.” He rolls Akane over, back to the other side of the bed. Back where she isn’t _on_ _top of him_ and _kissing_ _him_ in _her_ _bed_ at _night_ on _christmas eve_.  
  
Shin follows her, rolling onto his side. and tucking her in yet another time for the night. He digs his elbow into the pillow next to her head, and holds his head in his hand. “Me, I want to be a pastry chef in the story. Then everyday I want to go to the princess with the sweets that I made, and her smile will always be my treasure!” Akane’s eyes are gleaming, and then slowly the smile spreads over her lips. “Ah, it’s the same as always!” He says.  
  
Akane wiggles in the bed, and again she’s untucked herself from the blankets.  
  
“Hey, Shin-chan! Hug me tightly!”  
  
Her arms come flying for him before he even has a chance to protest. He was never going to protest.  
  
“Yay!” She cheers as Shin digs his arms around her, between Akane and the bed. He leans over her, chin hooked over her shoulder and he can feel it when she smiles against his neck. “Shin-chan,” can feel it when she talks, “I’m so happy that I met you!”  
  
Can feel it when her own pulse starts up, his own running to catch up.  
  
He pulls away to see the innocence in her eyes, the honesty of her statement; and this time he’s the one who is leaning down to kiss her. Feels her smile into the kiss, the kiss that tastes of her happiness, because that’s what he gives her with his baking. Happiness is what Akane gives him and he hopes that she can taste that in there too.  
  
He pulls back and kisses her on the head.  
  
“You really should try to rest Akane-chan.”  
  
She curls closer on the bed, and Shin shifts back to resting on his side, one arm curled under her neck and the other thrown across her chest. His hands meeting on the other side of her, embracing her.  
  
“I can only sleep if Shin-chan is here now!” She chuckles into his chest.  
  
“Such a spoiled child.” He repeats. His voice is full of happiness, his body is happy, his being is happy.  
  
He doesn’t want to leave Akane’s side either.  
  
“Goodnight Akane-chan.” He breathes into her hair, kissing it once more.  
  
“Goodnight Shin-chan.” She repeats, her eyes peeking up at him from below her hair.  
  
“ _Shhh_.” He coos, and that’s the last he hears from her. He feels it when her breathing evens out, feels it when her heart beat knocks a steady rhythm into him.  
  
It’s peaceful, it’s nice, and Akane is in his arms.  
  
Shin wakes up in the morning with the sun beaming in from behind him, he never had shut the curtains after he had climbed through yesterday had he?  
  
He can feel breath on his neck, and he looks down to see Akane. Her face soft in slumber. His arms are still rested around her, but he’s squeezing her into a hug before he’s had the time to register that it would wake her up.  
  
“Shin-chan.”  
  
Her voice is quiet in the morning, soft. Her eyes open slowly, and they are smiling at him already.  
  
“Good morning, did you sleep well.” Shin certainly has. It’s the middle of winter but with Akane in his arms he hadn’t felt cold at all in the night. His very being warm in the knowledge of Akane having been right there.  
  
“Yeah.” She smiles sleepily at him, her eyes glowing that green colour he loves so much. Shin wants to nothing more than to continue lying here in bed with her in his arms, but he shouldn’t.  
  
He probably shouldn’t have spent the night either. He hadn’t told his parents, although he’s sure they know where he is given that he had dumped his bag at home before going to Akane’s. He definitely hasn’t told Ayaka, or Aoi, or somebody that he _definitely_ should have gotten permission from before _spending the night at Akane’s house_.  
  
Shin kisses Akane on her forehead, and her smile rivals the brightness of the light that is pouring in through the window. Shining golden where it hits her hair.  
  
“I have to go home.”  
  
He expects grumbling, more pleading, like she had last night. Wanting him to stay because she was happy and healthy again. It seems the sleep has helped her think though, all she does is push the blankets of off both of them and roll out of the bed.  
  
Akane puts a cardigan on over her pyjamas, and Shin puts his coat back on, and steps into his shoes, and then climbs back out the window. It had been one thing to climb in while it was dark, it was another thing to climb out when the sun was out.  
  
“Coming in and out like this from the window makes me feel like I’m doing something bad.” He comments, one hand still on the ledge where Akane is holding onto it.  
  
“It’s not bad, because you’re Santa!” Akane reasons.  
  
Shin laughs, but it does make him feel better. It had let him keep his promise of seeing Akane for christmas.  
  
“Shin-chan, thank you!” Akane calls, voice louder than it needs to be.  
  
Shin captures her in another kiss, the last for the moment, for the day. To quiet her, to say farewell, to say _thank you_ too.  
  
Akane’s lips are dry in the morning, and his lips are the only place he feels warm now that he’s outside again.  
  
He pulls away, and leaves another small kiss on her nose.  
  
“See you.”  
  
“See you.” She repeats, and then it really is time for him to go.  
  
His heart beats faster once he’s left Akane’s house. Realisation settling in. He had stayed at Akane’s house, in Akane’s bed without telling anyone, without telling his parents, or her parents even knowing that Shin was in their home. Nothing happened that would worry them, but it’s exciting all the same to have spent that time with her.  
  
The world is brighter along with the beating of love in his heart for Akane.  
  
Shin doesn’t get to go over to Akane’s again during the break. He takes over serving in the bakery and gives his dad time off. It’s not bad though, Akane comes in every afternoon to see him, Aoi always stepping into the shop after her. Shin hadn’t been prepared the first day, had rushed to make something of his own for Akane, for the both of them. Since then he’s learned. Makes sure to have something prepared and ready for when they both step into the shop.  
  
The colours have been alive ever since he got back to town, ever since he spent that night with Akane. Alive and whole and shining. HIs very soul had come alive, and Shin loved it. Loved the attention that he could give to mixing, to decorating, to everything. Loved that he could see the shine in Akane’s eyes each time she came into the store.  
  
Loved that he could now easily see the differences in the twins, not so easy to notice when he hadn’t seen them so often, when he had not been paying so much attention to the two of them together.  
  
Akane had darker skin, only slightly from Aoi’s pale, pale complexion. In contrast Aoi’s hair was darker, his eyes were darker. Shin hadn’t seen yet if they had that same spark of green in them. This he had known before: Aoi held himself with an air of maturity. Twins, but Aoi seemed so much older than Akane, in the way he acted and in the aura he gave off. Always speaking to Shin politely, _respectfully_. Even when every one Shin had ever known skipped straight to _Shin_ , to _Shin-chan_ ; Aoi called him senpai, first and foremost.  
  
Akane didn’t come in on the eve of new years, even as Shin waited patiently. Hoping for her to drop by as she had the previous year. Unexpectedly, and with his first attempt at a confession on hand. This year she didn’t come, Aoi probably rushing her home after the festivities to sleep. Shin wasn’t upset for the fact, he didn’t want Akane to get sick again. All he did was pack the sweets he had made for her into a box, decorated them in the early hours of the morning, and when the sun rose for the first time that year Shin delivered them to her house himself. Without running away, without causing a scene.  
  
He wished Akane a happy new year, and then he went home to sleep.  
  
This time when he left, he wasn’t running away. Akane came with him to the train station, walking with him from the bakery. Even when Shin had to push her out the door with him once his father had figured out who she was. Shin had met all of Akane’s family, but having her meet all of his seemed embarrassing, especially if his mum and brothers had ended up coming down to tease him. Shin didn’t want that, and didn’t have the time for that.  
  
He had a train to catch.  
  
This time there was no missed train, only a quick shared kiss, a long hug. Shin whispering into Akane’s hair that he would be home again for the break in spring.  
  
Akane smiled as she waved him off, his favourite smile, gleaming at him from the platform. And Shin waved back, even as she disappeared from view, the platform disappeared from view. Only when the town had disappeared from view did he stop.  
  
He would see Akane again, and once more Shin would show her his improvement, and Akane would show him her own achievements. When Shin saw Akane again, she would be on her way to high school.

 

 

糖

 

Shin was surprised when he woke up his first day back at school having the colours fully intact. Having the world still glowing around them. It wasn’t like the last time that he had left home, where something had still felt off. He knew, he could feel it. They were all there and the entire world was his to see as it was meant to be seen. It made him happy, it made him feel light, it made him feel like Akane had just eaten a hundred of his cakes, delighting over every single bite and then asked for more.  
  
He felt renewed this year.  
  
This year would be good.  
  
Valentines was the first time when Shin felt bad. Missed Akane. Phone calls every night didn’t replace the cookies that she had made for him last year. Phone calls didn’t trade in the experience, of Akane working hard to make something for him, to give back just a little something that showed how much she appreciated Shin and his baking. Then again, Shin found it unlikely that Akane would have had the time to make him something this year. Surely both her and Aoi and all of their friends were getting ready for the entrance exams. Only two days away now. Soon all of their hard work would be put to use, and Shin believed that it would pay off.  
  
Akane worked so hard, she deserved to go to high school with Aoi.  
  
So at the beginning of valentines day, Shin decided that he would make Akane a cake, a cake for her to celebrate having sat the exam. Then, if he had the time he could make her another one when she found out the results. A big congratulations on getting into high school cake. It would be great.  
  
Shin hadn't counted on other people being around to hand out chocolates on valentines, it had totally skipped his mind. He should have known better, he took only obligatory chocolates, and apologised to the two girls who brought him real chocolates. He wasn’t just going to accept things for the sake of it anymore, not after Akane had gotten upset last year. Even if they were just for return gifts, Shin wasn’t going to do that to her again.  
  
It seemed most people were looking forward to their afternoon class. Word filtered down from the senpai about valentines being special. Talk of soulmates, the history of the phenomenon, and how it affected everyone.  
  
It had been a long time since Shin had thought about soulmates.  
  
When class started, ten minutes in, Shin wondered why he hadn’t thought about it for so long.  
  
Colours, he had known when he was young, read the fairy tales, read everything. He remembered once even talking to his parents about it. Colours, the colours came with a soulmate.  
  
How had he forgotten this?  
  
Colours, he had the colours. Now more than ever. Vibrant and present and most definitely _there_.  
  
When the teacher asked in the class if anyone had seen them, nobody put their hand up, so Shin kept his resolutely at his side. He didn’t want to be the odd one out.  
  
“That’s fine, it would be amazing to run into them so young. Most people won’t find them until they are somewhere in their late twenties.”  
  
How old had he been? Thirteen? Fourteen? Fifteen? He couldn’t remember how old he was when he had first seen them. Had not even known what they meant. Had then learned and subsequently forgot what they meant. He had been so intent on the actual colours and on what he could do with the colours and how they changed everything that he saw and that he made that he hadn’t even paused to think about why they were there.  
  
_Funny_.  
  
Shin thought that he would have looked more into it, especially given how excited most of the people in the class were. The majority were excited, other apprehensive about the whole thing. Shin could understand, it was strange to hear about this thing, that they couldn’t see. Knew nothing about. Only in children's books and romance novels, a tale of someone being around that would have an impact on your life. Be such a beacon to you, that the entire world changed.  
  
Your vision shook and the world was as it had never been seen by you before.  
  
Shin would take it with a grain of salt too. Magic, thats what it sounded like. But he had been hit with that magic, knew that it was real. Even as the teacher went through reels of colour on the wall and named them and said where they were found out in the world, in nature; Shin knew it was real because he could see them.  
  
Not as shades of grey.  
  
As colour, as colours he had memorised years ago in notebooks. Had memorised years ago in flashes and bursts that spun through his eyes.  
  
Now they were here to stay.  
  
Someone had done this to him, and Shin had been too preoccupied in the world and Akane and his baking and his life with all the colours that he had never even paused to think of who had done this to him, who had made this possible for him.  
  
Without them, he would have never been able to see the gold of Akane’s hair, the green in her eyes, Shin’s favourite colour, the red of her lips, and her cheeks when she blushed. Without them, Akane would not have been so vibrant to him. So full of life and her sparkling gleam.  
  
Without those flashes Shin would have never spent so much time practicing decorating, would have never had cakes lying around from all his attempts, would have never had something to tempt her with that first time they met.  
  
Shin owed this person for Akane.  
  
He didn’t put his hand up in class, but he would probably find the teacher later to talk. It wouldn’t be strange to ask questions after a class like that, nobody would suspect him.  
  
Especially not when at the end of the lesson and the teacher said anyone with questions could stay back, and nearly the whole class stayed behind. Only a handful of people leaving the room to head home, or possibly out to valentines dates. Shin instead sat with the rest of the class as they filed up, one by one to ask questions.  
  
Shin waited, wanting to go last. Even waving off Narita who looked like he wanted to wait for him.  
  
“What happens if you don’t know who your soulmate is?” Shin feels stupid for asking the question, and he’s glad that he had waited until the end. The look his teacher gives him would have spelled out what a strange question it was to anyone who would have been around to listen.  
  
“So you can see them.” Is the first thing she says, the tone of her voice lets Shin know that she’s somewhat annoyed that he didn’t stick his hand up in class earlier.  
  
He nods.  
  
“But you don’t know who it is?”  
  
He nods again.  
  
“I thought you had a girlfriend.” Shin has no idea how the teaching staff have got a hold of that information. He only hopes that they haven’t heard the strange stories that his classmates have been spreading around, otherwise this might turn into an intervention. “Is it not her?”  
  
“No.” Shin says. “I got them before I met her.”  
  
His teacher hums. “If it’s not romantic it might be a close friend, or rival. Maybe it’s someone that you met at school here or in a competition.”  
  
“I don’t think so.” Shin has realised now that she thinks that Shin got them in high school. “I first saw them in junior high, and it’s not like anyone comes to mind, but I was in my parents shop when it first happened.”  
  
“So it was a customer then, what a random stroke of fortune.” This isn’t really helping, but it’s also nice in a way to talk through where or how he could have met them. Maybe something will trigger in his memory to help. “Wait, what do you mean the first time?”  
  
“Well for a while the colours just kind of came and went. It’s only recently that they’ve kind of, become permanent.” It’s hard for him to explain. They came and then they went. They were there, but not quite. Now they were an ever present part of his everyday, and it was almost strange to think of the world as it once had been in his eyes. It’s only been a short while that he’s had the presence of the colours constantly, but he’s so used to them now.  
  
“That might mean that they only had a significant impact on you when they settled further. It was probably just a presence or a situation that you were both in that caused the flashes. Nothing stable enough to cement you as people who would push each other to their best. It’s likely that something recently happened in order for them to be recognised by your soul as a match.”  
  
“Recognised?” There was too much information there for Shin to process, especially at the end of a school day in which he had been exercising great caution to avoid standing out too much in the corridors.  
  
“People tend to think that soulmates are inherently decided for you by whatever force in the world caused us to have the colours only come up when we met them. That’s not the case though. People are different, people change throughout their life. A person can have multiple soulmates, they might have one while they’re younger, but then at another time they might meet someone else and the colours will bloom for them then too.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“It’s seen a lot in elderly people. If their soulmate dies, then the colours fade with them, but oftentimes they will meet someone else, particularly if they have been lonely after the passing of the other. That new person gives them something new, something different. It might just be a new experience, or sharing life stories, or even finding someone to share the next part of their life with. In time they might find the colours coming back as their soul regenerates from this new connection.”  
  
“Right.”  
  
“So it’s possible that you met someone who had an ideal or behaviour that resonated very closely with your own goals and ambitions in life. If it was someone who you just passed in the street, or served at a counter, or perhaps caught a glimpse of through the window then it wouldn’t set, because you don’t actually know them, just their aura. As you got to know them more though, if your thoughts and feelings aligned it’s possible that the colours stayed longer, and if you have them completely now, it means that something important must have happened recently, with both you and your soulmate, in order for that settling to occur.”  
  
“Wow, how do you know so much?”  
  
“I studied it before I decided on becoming a teacher. Any more questions Kiritani-kun?”  
  
“I don’t know, that a lot of information to process.”  
  
“I’m sorry, but if you can, try to think of people that you know or are close to. Someone that you’ve spent a lot of time with. Think back to who you’ve seen with your new vision, and think of people that you have seen without it.”  
  
“I never got it at high school. I didn’t see anything all of first semester.”  
  
“Then we can write off any of your classmates then, but I think that was obvious when you said you got it in junior high. Did you make any friends in junior high? Anyone that helped you or encouraged you to do something? Anyone that believed in you, in something that you could do when other people didn’t, or when maybe you didn’t even think you could do it yourself?”  
  
Someone who believed in him? That was easy, Akane. Akane always believed in him, Akane was the one who was always in his mind cheering for him. The one who he created for, in order to see her happy.  
  
“I saw the colours before I met Akane-chan though.” He says.  
  
His teacher laughs at him, nothing obnoxious to make Shin feel what he had said was completely stupid, just enough to let Shin know that he had missed something.  
  
“We were just talking about it Kiritani-kun. Sometimes it starts with a passing glance, where did you see the colours first? Where did you see them most?”  
  
He had first seen it in the shop, had always seen it in the shop. A flash, a burst, enough to burn the image to his memory but then it was gone. He had seen them at school, flashes while he was in the corridors, sometimes lasting barely a second, other times through his next classes and on rarer occasions all the way until he could go home and study them with his notes again.  
  
From flashes and bursts, to lingering. A faded mess, to now this.  
  
“So it is Akane-chan then?”  
  
“I can’t answer that Kiritani-kun. I don’t know what you’re seeing or feeling, but if you think that it’s the case it would be worth looking into.”  
  
“Thank you sensei.”  
  
He has a lot to think about. Like Akane being his soulmate. In a way, it made sense. Whenever he had seen Akane she had always appeared vibrantly and in colour. Shin had thought it was because when she was around, he felt relaxed, at home. Maybe Akane really was a home, because if it was true, if they were connected, then Akane was a home for his soul.  
  
He had worked hard for her, worked hard because of her encouragement and her belief in him. If that wasn’t what the teacher was describing, then Shin really didn’t know what to think.  
  
He wanted to talk to Akane, but that would have to wait. Akane had her entrance exam soon, and he didn’t want to get in the way of that. This was what Akane had been studying all year for, and Shin needed to support her. He could support her in the way that only he was able to do, he could make her a cake. He could _only_ make her a cake, something to send down. He’d make sure that it arrived for the day after the exam. That way he could call and ask her how she did, if she was sad then he could ask Aoi or Ayaka to intervene - but they wouldn’t need to.  
  
It was only a shame that he wasn’t there, couldn’t give her the cake himself. If he were there, back in the same town, Shin wouldn’t stop at one cake, he would make heaps. A big cake for the occasion, a lot of smaller ones, one for each exam she would have to sit, one for each session. Akane would love them.  
  
She would clasp her hands together in joy, eyes shining with love for the cakes, with love for him, with love that it had been Shin who made the cakes. It was easy to picture.  
  
Aoi might be there, because despite his attitude and appearance he also enjoyed the cakes. He didn’t have as sweet a tooth as Akane, his tastes as mature as he wanted to be, seemed to be, but still he would eat. And Akane would shout because she would claim they were all hers, even when there would be far too much there. Shin would make more than even she could finish on her own. Aoi needed something too, a gift for helping Akane, for getting her here and studying and through the exam.  
  
Shin could picture them arguing, so similar to the way he fought with his own brothers. Harsh words thrown around, to cover the love that was felt.  
  
He was hours away though, this was all he could do. Akane would feel it though, feel his belief in her the way that Shin had always been able to feel it when Akane had been cheering for him, even without being there. Akane would do well, she would get into high school. She would prove it to herself, and to everyone else, that she was no lesser than Aoi. She would prove it to everyone but Aoi, because he already knew, as Shin did, that she could do whatever it was that she set her mind on.  
  
February sixteen came, and Shin felt stressed himself, visibly stressed. Stressed enough that Narita had asked if he was okay. Shin could only wave him off. It wasn’t up to him, he was only worried about Akane.  
  
Today, it all boiled down to today. A year of Akane studying hard. A year of working under Aoi’s spartan routine. A year of working towards this very day. It was so much work for something that would be over with soon.  
  
There was nothing Shin could do, but believe. He had sent his cake off, smothered in enough strawberries and icing to make Aoi think twice about eating it, but more than enough to make Akane smile. And tonight he would get to call her, to see how it had gone, and then tomorrow the cake would arrive, should arrive, and they could celebrate.  
  
They could share it with their friends, if they had finished their exams too. Shin wasn’t actually sure how many of them were applying to the same high school, if any of them even were, but he was sure that they would all be celebrating all the same.  
  
All he could do was sit in class and wait.  
  
Sit and watch the grass move in the breeze. Sit and watch as the wind blew fluffy clouds across the bright blue sky. Sit and watch as the world seemed to turn dark around him.  
  
The colours gone.

 

 

糖

 

 

Calling at Akane’s house did nothing. Nobody picked up the phone. Not in the five times that he had called since he had managed to get out of the school.  
  
It had been agonising, sitting through his last lesson of the day knowing that something was wrong. Something was wrong and he was stuck here, a two hour train ride away from where he was _sure_ something had happened to Akane. Now that he could call, there was nothing, no one. No answer of the phone, no answer to the questions racing through his head.  
  
Had something happened to Akane?  
  
The colours came back later in the afternoon, but that didn’t soothe him at all. Didn’t quench him of his thirst to know what had happened. Didn’t help through the whole of the next day that Shin had to wait through, unable to get through to Akane or anyone else.  
  
What had happened?  
  
It was in the afternoon that Kajiwara brought him the phone. Shin answered to find Aoi on the other end, not Akane, and that was the real clue that something had gone wrong, _bad_. Something had gone wrong with Akane, and this was not how he wanted to confirm his suspicions.  
  
“Your cake arrived today, thank you.”  
  
“Where’s Akane? Is she okay?”  
  
“How did— She’s in the hospital.”  
  
The hospital? Was this the same thing as her being stressed? Had it been the entrance exam that had done this to her? What had happened to her that was bad enough for Shin to be affected?  
  
“What’s wrong with her? Is she okay?”  
  
“They haven’t said anything yet, but they want her to stay in the hospital.”  
  
“Why? Is she having tests done? What happened?”  
  
“I think they’re doing tests. I have to wait for mum to get back because I’m not allowed to see Akane.”  
  
“You can’t see her? Are you okay? What happened?”  
  
“She’s in the children's section, so only adults can go in. She just collapsed after the exam.” Shin could hear Aoi take a deep breath through the line. “She was acting strange at lunch, but she went back in to finish the exams, and when we were about to leave she just… Collapsed.”  
  
“So that really is why that happened.”  
  
“What happened?”  
  
So many questions, Shin had so many questions. Aoi couldn’t answer them, Shin didn’t want to press Aoi into thinking that he _had_ to answer them. Was this the same thing that Akane had been telling him about before? _Stress?_ Did stress cause someone to collapse, for hours from what Shin could tell from the way his vision had shaken.  
  
He didn’t think so. Collapsing for that long was something else. Something wrong, very wrong. Something was wrong with Akane and she had been dealing with it this whole time, just thinking that it was stress, just thinking that it was nothing to worry about. Now, instead, it was a lot to worry about.  
  
“What happened?” Shin hadn’t even realised that Aoi had been repeating the question into the phone.  
  
“What happened when?”  
  
“What you said - senpai said ‘so that really is why that happened’, so what happened?”  
  
“The colours.”  
  
“The— you see them too.”  
  
“What do you mean too.”  
  
“You see the colours for Akane.”  
  
There wasn’t much more to say. Shin convinced Aoi to call back if he ever found anything out, to call back with new information. Said that if he didn’t think the information was important to please just call up anyway to let Shin know how Akane was doing. It was a lot for Aoi to take in, Shin knew. Akane was his sister, his twin sister. They had been together since birth and having this happen to her must be scarier for Aoi, scarier even than what Akane was experiencing.  
  
There was nothing that Shin could do, not from here.  
  
All he could do was keep going, keep practicing, keep baking, keep on studying for his advancement exams. All he could do was keep going, keep going and wait for the phone calls, wait for the news.  
  
“Mum said Akane keeps asking about me, asking if I’m doing okay. She’s such an idiot, she should only be worrying about herself.  
  
Shin could hear it in Aoi’s voice. He liked that Akane was thinking of him, he just didn’t understand why. Shin could understand, Aoi was everything to Akane, the same way that Akane was everything to Shin. Two halves of a whole. Shin was worried for Aoi too, even as he fretted over Akane’s health. They were two parts of a whole and if one of those halves was sick, then what would happen to the other half?  
  
“Mum said that she was playing with the little kids today.”  
  
“Playing?”  
  
“Mm, mum said that the kids liked her.”  
  
“Akane is basically just a _bigger_ little kid, so it makes sense.”  
  
If Akane had the energy to play, to play with children, then she couldn’t be too bad. Shin had been thinking of her being bedridden. Trapped in a bed and too sick to do anything. Playing was a good sign, Akane wasn’t as bad as he had feared.  
  
“They found something in Akane’s blood.” It was every bit as bad as he had feared. “Cancer. Treatment is chemotherapy, or a transplant from someone who matches.” Shin could feel something else in Aoi’s voice, something more, something heavier. “I asked them to check if I was a match. I wanted them to see if my cells could help Akane.”  
  
“I saw Akane today, through the window. She looked like she was about to cry. She said that she was perfectly fine.”  
  
“Aoi-kun.” He didn’t really know what to say, Aoi had largely just been _Akane’s brother_. Shin was intimidated by him, despite being older. “Don’t worry, I know that if it’s you two you can get over whatever happens.”  
  
They needed to.  
  
_They needed to_.  
  
“We haven’t told her yet, we’re waiting for the results of my test first. We want to wait until we know we can help her.”  
  
Shin couldn’t do anything either, could only hear more about Akane, and Aoi too now that he was taking to him so often. All he could do was wait, as helpless as the others but further, so much further away, as they waited to find out about Aoi’s tests.  
  
“Akane made a friend in the hospital. Everybody there seems to love her.”  
  
“It’s hard not to love her, it’s good that she’s making friends.”  
  
No news, no news. All he had to hear about were their days.  
  
“Akane’s new friend didn’t make it. Akane won’t talk, she won’t go to her room.”  
  
Shin could hear what was underlying there. In the place that Akane was staying to get better, someone had not. They were all worried about her, hoping for test results, hoping for _good test results_ , hoping that Akane would get better. They didn’t want to hear about the opposite, it would only make it that much more real, the thought that Akane might not get better either.  
  
“Akane and I are compatible.” That was good news. “She was asleep so we couldn’t tell her yet. They want to start Akane’s treatment as soon as possible, the doctor said that from now on was the hard part.”  
  
The hard part, as if waiting here and doing nothing hadn’t already been the hard part. It was going to get worse, and Shin could do nothing, and over there, the other side of the line, Akane and Aoi, and their whole family were suffering and trying to get through this together.  
  
Shin couldn’t do anything, he could only do one thing.

 

 

糖

 

 

He went home first, and when he was ready called Aoi to let him know that he was on his way.  
  
It was strange to walk up to the building, scary. It loomed large and ominous in the street. Intimidating, and Shin only had the box in his hand to protect him.  
  
Walking through the doors he was met with white washed walls, and light blue floors. He followed signs down towards the main reception, it would have been easier to look it up ahead of time, but then it was also possible for Shin to mess up the directions and accidentally end up lost. He couldn’t risk it; and finding the main reception area was easy enough.  
  
“Excuse me.” The nurse behind the desk looked up from where she was doing paperwork, and another, who looked to be doing filing, looked Shin’s way as well. “Can you please tell me where the pediatric department is.”  
  
There was a brief moment where they simply watched on, smiling at him, gazes sometimes darting down to the box in his hands. He shuffled on his feet, clenching the box tighter between his fingers.  Then eventually he was given directions to another building and told it could be found there.  
  
Shin figured that he was nearing his destination when the noise picked up. In the distance, just a murmur of background noise, voices talking, the sound of things being moved around. Closer, he could hear crying. A child crying. Shin walked into the room that he had been directed to and saw the child, and what he could only guess was the child’s parent scolding her. She was moving around too much, eyes covered as her hands wiped away her tears, and she was too quick to dodge.  
  
Shin accidentally bumped into her.  
  
She stopped crying abruptly at the interruption. Shin crouched down, head level with hers. “Are you alright?” She was rubbing at her nose. “I’m sorry.”  
  
She pulled her hands away from her face, her nose was red where it had hit against him, and her eyes still had tears clinging to them, but it looked like she had stopped crying.  
  
“I’m okay.”  
  
“That’s good.” The room they were in was full of beds, one of them was supposed to be Akane’s, but the girl in question was nowhere to be seen. “Is Kajiya Akane in this room?” If the girl lived in this room too then it couldn’t hurt to ask.  
  
“Akane-tan’s bed is the one over there.” She held out a finger to point it out. Shin recognised the toy sitting on top of the bed as one of Akane’s. “She’s not here right now, she went somewhere.”  
  
“I see.” Akane was a runaway, even from the people she was sharing a room with. It made sense, he had heard enough stories to know that she regularly snuck away from Aoi. It was almost relieving to know that that part of her was still active. That she was still well enough to just disappear whenever she wanted to.  
  
Shin placed the box he had been carrying on a shelf next to Akane’s bed. If he was going to go looking for her he didn’t want to be carrying it around. If he got bumped into again - he hoped he wouldn’t, he would be more careful this time - then he didn’t want to risk dropping it. It was the only thing that he had been able to do, he didn’t want it to get ruined.  
  
“I’ll go and look for her.” Shin patted a hand on the girls head. “Thank you.”  
  
He stepped out of the room and headed down the corridor, opposite from the direction in which he had originally come. He hadn’t seen Akane on the way in, so it made sense to walk this way. It was also where the other noise was coming from, louder now. Akane was probably responsible for some of it, most of it.  
  
Shin passed by seats in the corridors, and wall mounted paper towels, first aid kits, medicine cabinets and even sinks dotted along the corridor.  
  
“Ah!” A loud scream sounded out from behind him. He hadn’t noticed anything, but he had probably unknowingly bumped into or stepped on another child. He crouched down automatically, ready to hide from whoever it had been’s parents, from the nurses who would probably come to kick him out for continually injuring already sick kids. If he makes himself look smaller, more vulnerable, maybe they will go easier on him. “Shin-chan?”  
  
Or, it could be a voice he recognised; more than recognised. A voice he had missed these last few days and that he had come to see.  
  
When he turns to look, Akane is shining as brightly as she always does, and it’s hard to remember that they are here, in the hospital, for the very reason that Akane had not been shining. That she had stopped shining. Here, now, she doesn’t look sick at all, and Shin wonders if he has just missed the part where she was sick, he knows what’s wrong with her, but maybe she’s getting better already.

Shin knows that she can't be, but it is nice to hope.  
  
“It is! It’s Shin-chan!” She’s so excited in her exclamation that Shin is forced to believe that Akane hadn’t actually known who it was that she was jumping out to scare. He is forced to the conclusion that Akane just happened to walk around scaring people. It’s dangerous really, Shin knows there are weaker people here, children who could have damage done with a shock to the heart.  
  
Really, Akane should know who the person was before scaring them.  
  
“Why?” _Are you here_. “How?" _Are you here_. Shin hears through her pauses. “Only adults can come visit us.”  
  
It’s funny the way that she says adults. Shin hadn’t heard as much when he had come in, hadn't been deterred from visiting at all. He does briefly remember Aoi saying that he couldn’t visit though. It’s possibly just a case of keeping out people who are going to make too much noise or trouble for people who are sick for the supposed age restriction.  
  
Perhaps it’s that Shin is finally looking like an adult and so he can come to visit without a problem.  
  
He coughs into his fist. “I am older than everyone here.”  
  
He doesn’t actually know if this is true, he has only seen one other person besides Akane here. It stalls her though, she freezes in thought before smiling and jumping up at him. “Shin-chan! Shin-chan!” And then Akane’s arms are around his neck, and it’s automatic to bring his own up around her.  
  
And embracing this way, he knows that this is the Akane he knows. The energy carries over through their touch, and he finds himself smiling. “Good, you’re the same as always.”  
  
When they pull back from the hug Shin is met with Akane’s small smile, the one Shin is sure is just for him. It’s softer than normal, quieter; but the green in her eyes still shines through it. So close, _so close_ to his own eyes, his own small smile just for having her in his arms once more. She is here, she is fine, _she will be fine_.  
  
“Hey, hey, Shin-chan.” The moment ends when Akane pulls back more, grasping tightly at the sleeves of Shin’s hoodie. “How did you know that I was here?”  
  
“Aoi-kun told me.”  
  
“Aoi did?”  
  
Akane looks grumpy as always at having to utter her brother's name, and Shin is once more relieved that nothing has changed. He doesn’t know why he expects something to have changed about her, but the feeling is there, gradually receding as Akane keeps up with the words, and the smile, and the expressions that he remembers.  
  
“You see, Akane—“  
  
“Akane, we made our ones.”  
  
Akane pulls away fully then, and Shin turns to see that three children have come up, paper decorations folded and held out in their hands for Akane to see. They’re cute, pretty, even though Akane lets out a noise that sounds like none of the above as she looks at them.  
  
Akane races back further down the corridor, followed closely by the children and so Shin brings up the rear. He’s led to what he can only call a playroom. There’s a small house  built up in the centre of the room, and at a small table just outside are even more children with _more_ paper and _more_ decorations.  
  
Akane goes to sit down at the table, and Shin watches from the outside as she fashions a row of paper flowers into a crown. When she calls him over, he has no choice but to crouch down and crawl into the small opening of the play house.  
  
“We’re making a present for a girl who is leaving the hospital, her name is Ki.” It makes sense now, why everyone is so energetic and why there is paper strewn everywhere. Shin hopes one day that Akane will have this for her, hopes that it will be soon. The children that she has befriended with her gleaming smile coming together to make something so that Akane will always remember them.  
  
“Here Shin-chan,” Akane passes over a mess of folded paper, “these are flowers, lets make it together!”  
  
“Flowers?” He can’t help the disbelieving tone. Earlier Akane had been holding a string of flowers, these look _maybe_ like flowers, or their petals, but nothing like the flowers that Shin could remember folding when he was younger. “Aren’t flowers more like this?” He doesn’t do much, pulls open some of the folds, and flattens the flower in his palm.  
  
He hasn’t done much, but it still makes him feel happy when Akane cheers about how good it is.  
  
Even though Akane is the one who is cool. “You look so happy.” In a time like this, in a hospital that she has been in for days, surrounded by people who are also stuck here. In a time like this Akane still had the ability to blind him with her smile, but not only that, the children with her were able to smile brightly too. They were all able to smile like misfortune hadn’t decided to rain down on them all. _Akane was the cool one._  
  
“We want to tell Ki that we’ll still think about her.”  
  
And it can only be Akane.  
  
Akane who has made such a presence for herself in this hospital, that even those who have been graced with the ability to leave don't want to. They have bathed in the light of Akane’s smile and instead want to stay with it.  
  
Akane is a magic that Shin will always be drawn too, as everyone else is as well.  
  
“I wanted to talk to you Akane, that’s why I came.”  
  
“A talk?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Akane looks soft, shining, like the girl he fell in love with the first time she ate his cake, like the girl he loves now, because she made sick children feel whole again. And Shin wants to kiss her, to hold her again, to tell her all about what he had done, what he wants to do for her, the only thing he can do. But the children are watching, making kissy noises and attempting wolf whistles - and Shin doesn't want to know about where they learnt them.  
  
“But maybe not here, not right now.”  
  
They link the flowers that Shin has been adjusting into a ring, big enough to fit over someone’s head. And they pin up more decorations. Flowers and stars and boxes covering everything.  
  
They are distracted from their _nearly_ completed decorating with the sound of crying. Shin knows it, recognises it. The girl who had been looking for Akane earlier, walking around and crying with her mother in tow. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so distracted and gone back to tell her that he had found Akane.  
  
Akane gasps. “Ki!” Then turns back to yet another chain of flowers being looped together. “Oh no, just a little bit more.”  
  
“Hurry up Akane.”  
  
Instead of hurrying, Akane locks down Shin with her stare.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Shin-chan! You can go and give us a few more minutes and then bring her here!”  
  
He’s happy to have, _somewhat_ , met Ki before. Because walking up to a crying child is not something that he would have felt comfortable doing otherwise. He doesn’t particularly feel comfortable doing so now.  
  
“So, you’re Ki-chan.” She stops crying after seeing Shin, apparently he has a gift.  
  
“Handsome.” She says softly, eyes still red, but wide and beaming, like someone else he knows, as she looks at him.  
  
“Me? Really?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Thanks.” Ki has to be at _least_ five years younger than him, but Shin still finds his cheeks heating up at her words, they aren’t ones that he is usually the subject of.  
  
“I’m Ki.” She says afterwards. “Did you find Akane-tan? I didn’t find anyone.”  
  
Shin hums, has to play along. “Lets have a look together then.”  
  
They link hands and walk down the ward in the direction that Shin knows Akane and the others are not.  
  
“Handsome-san, do you like Akane-tan as well? Are you her lover?”  
  
Such big questions, from such a small girl. And how is Shin meant to answer? How is he meant to say that Akane is more than that to him? That _like_ is too small, that _lover_ doesn’t quite fit? He has to try though, because she’s looking at him again, eyes as wide as Akane’s when she eats. Like she wants to know this more than anything else she has ever wanted answers for. So much, for someone so small.  
  
“Well to me, Akane-chan is definitely the most important person. She will be forever.” He hopes, he hopes, he hopes.  
  
Pictures Akane eating his cakes, smiling, _eating happiness_ as she would say, and in turn granting Shin happiness himself. They’re here in the hospital, but Aoi _swears_ that Akane will get better, so Shin can hope. He can hope, he can hope, he can hope. Akane will be there, with him, forever.  
  
“I know! Akane-tan is so cute isn’t she!”  
  
Shin smiles, and at least this talk has allowed him to turn them around, to get them back to where everyone was waiting for Ki.  
  
“Look, everyone is in here.”  
  
Ki stops in the doorway, and Shin can tell through the squeeze in his fingers when she sees everyone in front of them. When she sees the decorations and the signs which could only be for her.  
  
“Congratulations on leaving Ki-chan!” They all cheer together.  
  
It’s enough to get Ki to let go of his hands and run over to her friends. To be presented with a ring of paper flowers to wear around her neck. To laugh with her friends. And it is Akane again, who has made these children this happy to be here, when they have all the reasons in the world to not be.  
  
The celebrations get cut short when Akane gets a nosebleed. Ki starts screaming once she sees it, and it’s not long until a nurse comes running in to see what’s happened. Akane has to go back to her room, and Shin follows, seating himself down next to her bed, within the drawn curtains as Akane gets cleaned up and the nurse encourages her to rest. Tells Akane that she can’t just run herself ragged just because she is in the hospital now. She still needs to rest.  
  
Akane buries herself under the blankets when the nurse finally leaves. Pokes just her eyes out and looks far too guilty for whatever it is that she’s thinking.  
  
“Sorry Shin-chan.” She definitely sounds far too guilty for whatever it is that she thinks she needs to apologise for.  
  
“Why are you sorry?” He doesn’t understand at all. “Now it’s just us two.”  
  
It almost seems like Akane hasn’t heard him. “I thought that I was getting better, but then… Shin-chan, you said that you wanted to talk?” Akane looks sad when she turns to him then. Eyes shining, but not for anything good. Tears held back, and worry for herself now, because she isn’t getting better. “Is it a talk that will make me happy?”  
  
Akane, so strong and bright in front of everyone, was of course still just like them. She was in here, and until she talked to Aoi later she wouldn't know what ws wrong.Right now, she didn't know what was wrong. Kept in the dark until they could all promise that she would get better.  
  
Shin can see the box where he left it when he was here earlier. Pink box with a white ribbon. The only thing he could do, but something that _only he could do_ to make her happy.  
  
He picks it up.  
  
“I made you something Akane-chan.”  
  
It takes zero time at all for Akane to register the box placed on her lap, she knows what’s in the box. She’s still tucked up in bed though, so Shin lifts off the lid to present it to her.  
  
Pink and white icing coats all three layers; and the ribbons, beads and flowers that have been used to decorate it are all edible, all made by his own hand. All made with Akane in mind.  
  
She looks ready to jump out of bed and devour the whole thing straight away, so Shin has to pull the cake back, and holds his other hand out to Akane. “Wait,” he says. She needs to stay calm, that’s what the nurse had said, she needed to rest.  
  
When Akane takes the time to sit up slowly, calmly, Shin brings the cake back in front of her to lift up herself.  
  
“Wow!” She brings it up closer to look, and Shin keeps a steady hand at the ready in case she drops it. Otherwise he makes a note that the cake is the same size as her face, he had probably been a bit too optimistic in making it. He should have made it smaller, the image would still be there. Akane won’t be able to eat the whole thing while staying at the hospital. Although, having met the other children, Shin wouldn’t be opposed to her sharing it, despite it’s meaning. “What is it?”  
  
“It’s a sugar cake.”  
  
“Sugar cake, hmm.” Akane leans further over the cake, and Shin rests his hands down from trying to catch it, rests his hands down on Akane’s thighs. “It looks like, ah, that thing that everyone has together.”

It figures that once again Akane is clueless, always clueless when it comes to the things that Shin is trying to express.  
  
“Do you mean a wedding cake?”  
  
“Yes!”  
  
There’s a moment where Shin lets the thought sit. Lets Akane think about what it is that he has said, that she has said, what it is that she has claimed is resting in her hands.  
  
Akane rests the cake down in her lap, slowly, hands moving slowly. Her eyes are wet again, and Shin knows that _she knows_ , when her eyes meet his they _glow_.  
  
“I’ll make you a real one, one day.” She brings a hand up to her face, and she might start crying, but Shin means it, and he hopes that the tears that look ready to fall are good ones, happy ones. Tears that are hopeful for a future, their future, _together_. “So, promise me that we’ll be together until that day comes.”  
  
“Shin-chan…”  
  
“Promise me that you’ll definitely get better.”  
  
He moves, presses gently on Akane’s legs to stand up.  
  
“But—“  
  
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”  
  
“Wait.” Shin pauses, mouth aligned with the hair that hangs over Akane’s face. “I need to take this out.”  
  
He pulls back, just enough for Akane to reach her hand up between them and pull the tissue away from her face. He had forgotten all about it. Instead of Akane lifting her face back up though, her hands reach down to pick up the cake, his cake. “I promise.”  
  
Shin doesn’t wait for her to put the cake back down, only thinks enough to move his hands off her legs, onto the bed next to them. Here he can lean on them as much as he likes, can lean over, into her. Into Akane. Her eyes are wide, and shining, and her cheeks are tinted red, such a beautiful colour on her.  
  
This time she tastes like warmth, like the sun forcing it’s way through a stormy sky, like the first sign of summer when winter has been so long, like a future, their future, a promise, for when all of this is over.  
  
He feeds Akane only a small mouthful, that’s all she can have for now, that’s all the time he has for now.

Aoi is coming to deliver the news  
  
Shin leaves when it’s time for Aoi to come in. He already knows what Aoi needs to say, knows that Akane will need convincing, but that it is between them. That this isn’t a decision that Shin can help Akane make, can help her agree to, because he already knows that it’s for the best. Shin already knows that Aoi will always be the one to love Akane the most, will give his body to make Akane better again.  
  
And Aoi had told him, finally, now. Aoi had told him.  
  
Aoi is going to help Akane get better.  
  
“ _I’ll save Akane, so please make her happy_.”  
  
It is Aoi, will always be Aoi who loves Akane the most. It’s something Shin has known, and has seen, especially over the last few days. And Aoi, who above all wants Akane to be happy, has entrusted that to him. Shin won’t let him down, won’t let Akane down. Shin will make sure that once this is over, that Akane will be the happiest person in the world once again.  
  
Shin will ply her with so much food and love that it will be impossible for it to be otherwise.

 

 

糖

 

 

A year later is when his promise starts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did write an [alternate ending](http://wintercovers.tumblr.com/writing/monochrome/alt) which I started before the manga finished and when I thought that a _less happy_ ending was in store.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote an [alternate ending](http://wintercovers.tumblr.com/post/133302097975/black) before I finished the manga and thought things were heading in a _less happy_ direction.


End file.
